Hey, Michigan! Burdening homeschoolers with more government bureaucracy doesn't stop child murder.

This morning, two Detroit legislators proposed a bill that would add layers of bureaucracy on the shoulders of Michigan's homeschooling families. Why? Because a crazed criminal killed her two children and stuffed them in the freezer.

What on earth does that have to do with homeschooling? It really doesn't. This is a knee-jerk reaction to a heinous murder because the mother said "homeschooling" as one of her many lies when somebody asked where the children were. (She also said they weren't home or had gone to live with relatives, and no one is proposing a bill to regulate children who legitimately leave their house with a friend or go stay with Grandma.)

Instead of adding another layer of costly government red tape to homeschooling families who are already choosing the more challenging path because they are that committed to their children, how about we solve the actual problem of a severely psychiatrically disturbed mother who murdered her kids? With all the systems already in place that were supposed to protect these children, but failed, why are we using homeschooled kids like mine as the scapegoat? If you are inclined to think we do need to further regulate homeschooling because of what happened to these two children— or for any other reason — consider this:

1. The mother in this case, Mitchell Blair, was investigated twice before by CPS for abusing the same children she eventually killed. How did that government intervention save her children? Should we add additional bureaucracy or fix systems already in place?

2. The children were enrolled in public school until they were murdered, or shortly before. The proposed legislation would ask existing school districts to not only care for enrolled children, but also police homeschoolers. How did public school oversight save these children?

3. Stoni Blair's teacher did call authorities when the girl stopped coming to school, yet no one did even checked into it (and not because of homeschooling either, they failed to act period.) How did this teacher's effort save these children?

4. We all know this mother was not actually homeschooling the [deceased] children, nor did she ever intend to. Had she not been able to use homeschooling as one of her multiple lies, would she have spared the children's lives? Or would she have just come up with a different lie?

5. Sadly, this is the third case in the last several years in Michigan in which a parent lied and said they were homeschooling and, instead, murdered their child. Four dead children is four too many. Are homeschooling parents more likely to murder their children in cold blood? Or are murderous criminals more likely to lie? Would murderers give up and spare their children if they didn't have the ability to use homeschooling as their lie, or would they skip town, go truant or use other lies? How many children enrolled in public school in Michigan in the last several years have been murdered at the hands of their own parents? How did public schooling save those children's lives? (My casual observation of the news tells me it is a significantly higher percentage of children killed while enrolled in public school then murdered while their parents used homeschooling is a lie. It would be interesting/horrifying to research.)

6. Are parents who intend to break existing Michigan homeschool law likely to comply with an additional layer of requirements? Or are the parents who would comply with additional laws people like me whose children are not the at-risk ones you are looking for?

7. One report said the two recently murdered children were receiving Medicaid and food assistance benefits for the last two years while their bodies were in their mother's freezer. How did involvement in these government programs, which often require check-ins and medical visits that clearly didn't happen, save these children? Would additional homeschool regulations requiring doctor check-ins get criminal parents to comply?

8. One article revealed the mother told some of her neighbors that she had killed her children. Not one of them stepped forward or told authorities. What role does this play in saving children's lives?

9. The children's grandfather attended the press conference where this proposed legislation was announced. He stood in support of additional regulation on homeschoolers. My heart aches for him, yet I cannot understand his reasoning here. Where was he when his grandchildren were missing for two years? If you are a parent, would your parents or in-laws stand idly by if you lied to them about your children's whereabouts for two years? If you are a grandparent, would you except a myriad of thinly veiled lies if you didn't see your grandkids for two years? Or are there deeper issues here?

10. In the past few days, I have heard a couple people say they know a homeschooling family where the children are not actually learning or doing anything. That makes me sad. Do you know any children enrolled in public school who fall through the cracks and are graduated without reading proficiency, don't do homework or get assistance from parents at home, or drop out? Is it possible the few bad seed parents who pretend they'll homeschool are the same ones who would be miserably failing their children in a public school environment? If we can't get that minority of children in check when they are under government scrutiny already, do we really expect additional laws on homeschoolers would have the intended outcome?

11. Where would money come from to pay for additional government bureaucracy to regulate homeschoolers? Would we raise taxes? Take from education funds that people say are already not enough?

12. One person recently asked if homeschoolers like me have nothing to hide, why would we object to additional government scrutiny? I want people to know that homeschoolers aren't afraid reporting on their children's progress. We're glad to tell you what our children are learning if you are truly interested. Some of us blog about it, share our educational experiences in Facebook posts, and have our children participate in science fairs and presentation nights to show the world what they are learning. The real question is, would government red tape improve the quality of our homeschooling or would it take precious time away from educating our children if we are required to submit additional reports, take our children to additional visits and wait for approval of our curricula?

13. If you think children need to be monitored because parents can't be trusted, what about the children ages 0–5 who aren't yet in school? They, too, are sometimes abused and murdered by their own parents, which is already illegal and already has a child protection system in place to try to stop it. Do we add a layer of bureaucracy on top of all parents because a tiny minority are criminals? Or is there a better way, like neighbors, family and friends looking out for each other and repairing existing systems that sometimes fail to protect children?

14. What laws are already in place to make murder and child abuse illegal? How is it that laws against murder and abuse didn't save these children, but we're supposed to think laws harsher laws against homeschoolers would save have saved these children?

15. Is it possible we are so deeply troubled as Michiganders by what happened to these children that we are thrashing about, looking for answers, ready to cling onto the slightest bit of hope that we can do something to stop cold-blooded child murders? Do we really want to punish the wrong families because we feel desperate and hurt by the loss of these two children?

Believe me, stopping child abuse is so important to me that it has become a key part of my calling as a Christian and as a mother. I would do just about anything if I thought it would save a child from abuse or murder. My husband and I adopted two children out of the foster care system whose lives were irreparably damaged by their birthparents. We did this with open hearts even though it has rocked our family to the core and added stress that's nearly impossible to adequately describe. When I say I would do anything to save a child, I mean it. But regulating homeschoolers? That's not the answer.

16. As those who know me are well aware, I am pro-homeschooling. I am also pro-public schooling, pro-online schooling and pro-private schooling. I am pro-school choice. I choose homeschooling for two of my children and public schooling for two of my children. I am grateful all these options are available. Do we really want to limit educational options, or do we want to solve the real problem of child abuse and murder?

Instead of throwing a tea cup of water on a forest fire (not to mention the wrong fire), how about we get to the real root of the problem? Instead of adding a whole new layer of bureaucracy over top of homeschooling families whose children score, on average, higher than publicly school children in all measures, how about we work on solutions for mental illness? Child abuse? The child protection system? Detroit in general? Poverty? Societal ills that allow people to turn their heads when children are hurt?

Homeschooling books are like shoes

I'm hoping to win a $50 gift certificate to my favorite homeschool supply company with this tip I submitted for their anniversary contest. For the record, I'm in love with Rainbow Resource Center. They carry just about everything (the catalog is like 3 inches thick), and I've stopped comparing prices because theirs are always the lowest.

It took a few years of homeschooling before I learned curricula are like shoes. When shopping, there’s more than one right choice that can fit your child and do the job.

I used to worry at the end of each school year about what curricula we’d use next. We would be happy with our math program, but I couldn’t help but wonder if there was some other “perfect” program out there. I would spend hours on homeschooling forums, reading reviews, and of course reading every single word of the Rainbow Resource catalog (seriously!). Now I know our math program works for us, and I’ve stopped fretting. I simply order the next level.

Like there are many choices of tennis shoes that would fit my active daughter well and look nice while protecting her feet, there is probably more than one great curriculum fit for each child. And the end of this year I decided that our grammar curriculum was good for my daughter and promised not to even read about other materials. Then a friend told me about a different grammar book, and I wavered. I finally resolved that either would be enjoyable and help my daughter learn about language. I stuck with the one I knew.

On the other hand (or foot, to stick with my shoe analogy), I’ve learned to let go of things that don’t work for our family just because everyone else says they’re wonderful. For two years we used a highly rated phonics program that my daughter found torturous. I dropped it.

I still love poring over my Rainbow Resource catalog, mind you! But I’m much more relaxed knowing that the many curriculum choices are there to serve me rather than to rule over me. If the shoe fits …

Dori is starting to recognize letters

Yesterday Dori spent a long time at the easel, drawing circles. Then she started calling them Os. She made mommy Os, daddy Os, baby Os.

Last night she sat on my lap as I read the paper. The “Blondie” comic title caught her attention. Right away she pointed to the O in Blondie and said, “O spells me!” as she pointed to herself.

Then she became concerned. “O spells, Dori,” she insisted, “it doesn’t spell them!” and she pointed to the characters.

How to teach a young child about God.

Another blogger asked how to start teaching a preschooler about God when church isn't a part of their regular life. It can seem intimidating to teach our children about something so big and vast as God. It can be easy to start though. The best part is that we as mothers can learn more about God, too, as we teach our children!

The best and easiest thing is to simply pick up a Bible and start reading. So many nice children’s Bibles are made now.

• Our littlest girl (age 2.5) likes Baby’s First Bible. This one is not really a Bible, but a very short board book with verses and text about God and Jesus. I think she likes the cut-outs, the pictures of Jesus and that it has a handle so she can carry it around.
• She also likes Little Girls Activity Bible for Toddlers. It has cute, short stories, mostly about women of the Bible, and easy activities or crafts you can do at home to go with each one.
• For a children’s version of the major Bible stories for the youngest children, I like My First Read and Learn Bible, a board book with very short stories.
• We also have at our house The Beginner’s Bible. It’s similar to the one above, but with slightly longer stories and it’s not a board book. Stories are easy words to read and are short so my 6-year-old reads this aloud.
• For kids of maybe kindergarten age and up, the very best I’ve seen is Egermeier’s Bible Story Book. It truly summarizes the entire Bible instead of picking out stories here and there. It would still be great for younger kids, but probably only for those who like to sit for stories. Stories are written in smaller print as an adult book would be, and are about a page and a half long with one illustration for every few stories.

I grew up active in church, but by reading to my children, I have learned so much about God and the Bible that I never knew before!

We participate in Sunday School, and that helps the girls learn. At this age, it’s all about hearing some of the major Bible stories, which they’ll hear again and again as they grow (Noah’s Ark, Daniel in the lion’s den, etc.) When I teach Sunday School, my goal is simply to instill in the children a sense of hope in Jesus and that they begin to begin to trust in faith.

Vacation Bible School is also fun for kids. They’re usually short (a few hours a day for a week) and welcome all children.

Another idea is to help children learn through music. Kids love to sing and dance, so we put on children’s Bible songs at home or in the car. Lots of choices are available. Some of the songs my girls remember the most are the most basic such as “Jesus Loves Me.”

Learning simple prayers can help kids learn how easy it is to talk to God. You can start with simple, easy-to-remember ones and say them before lunch or at bedtime. My 6-year-old likes, “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food. Amen.” You can teach children to say their own prayers, and that they don’t have to be fancy. If they want to start to learn how to say their own special prayer, you can teach them to praise God, thank God, and ask something of God. You can start by praying for the big things, such as asking God to heal a sick friend, then start to incorporate it into your everyday life.

Joy Behar thinks my kids may be "demented" and "afraid of other children."

This week on The View, the hosts were wondering how the Obamas will educate their children when they move to D.C. The idea of homeschooling came up, and I feel as if Joy Behar painted my children with quite a broad brush when she said, “A lot of them are demented when they’re homeschooled,” and, “They learn to be scared of other children.”

Side note: I can't even believe I watched The View this week. That drivel is so not my thing. Dori was in the hospital, finally asleep, and there’s not much else to do but turn on the TV when the other option is to listen to the poor old man in the next room as the nurses try to convince him to keep his clothes on.

This is what I sent to ABC in my feedback form. I was only allowed 500 characters. Pretty tame for me, eh?

Dear Joy,

I am a homeschooling mother of two and was offended when you said a lot of homeschooled children are “demented” and “afraid of other children.” I have a feeling you wouldn't be able to pick my children (or their homeschooled peers) out of a crowd. They are bright and active. They get along great with other children, as well as adults. The face of homeschooling has changed. I urge you to get with the times and learn about us before you bash us.

Sue


I fully realize she won’t read this, and my best hope is that the responses from all of us homeschooling parents will be expressed to her in some aggregate form. It makes me feel better anyway.

How to homeschool your young child

I'm often asked how to get started homeschooling a young child. The easy answer is this: Play.

But if you're like me — and you probably are if you're reading this — you'll first agonize over whether you're doing all the right things for your child, wonder how to maximize every available learning opportunity, think about which specific skills your child should be developing, worry about which tools and materials can best help you, fret and overplan.

Now that I have been through this stage with two children, I can tell you that it really is as easy as being together and sharing your moments. Baking cookies? There's an opportunity to count cups of flour. Doing laundry? Sort clothes by color. Oh, and read. Read, read, read.

If you want to get all neurotic about homeschooling your toddler or preschooler, as I did, you can check any number of lists of skills commonly acquired by children of this age. It's a little silly, really, because the only checklist you should compare your child against is herself. I sometimes did anyway because it made me feel better knowing my kids were on track.

• Here's the World Book Typical Course of Study for preschoolers. From there, use the menu at left for other grade levels. This list is nice and simple, yet comprehensive.
• If you want to be overwhelmed with detail, like me, check out the Texas Education Agency lists for pre-kindergarten and kindergarten.
• Hands on Homeschooling has a list of skills for 2-year-olds, 3-year-olds, 4-year-olds and 5-year-olds. Note that these are pretty advanced, so you might want to go down a year or, instead, you could plan to work on the skills for your child's age, but not worry about mastery.

One problem with these kinds of lists is that they're generally meant for kids who will enter a traditional classroom. If yours won't, maybe it doesn't matter so much if your child is not yet comfortable with strangers or able to wait to be called on. You'll want to tailor the list for your preferences. I refuse to teach my child to color within the lines of any kind, so I promptly crossed that one off the list. You also have to think about the big picture. What's important for your family? You won't find character traits, values and faith on these lists. Only you can decide what's important there. That kind of learning comes through real life.

When Addy was almost 3 years old, I was caving into the pressure of everyone asking, "When will she start preschool? Is there a good preschool in your neighborhood?" For crying out loud, she was 2 years old! But I went through an exaustive search of skills lists like those above, added many of my own, deleted some, and compiled them into a long list. That formed the basic plan for what we would do the next 36 weeks. (Before you get your pencil out, know that I don't recommend this.) I also decided we'd learn a letter each week, a color, a shape and an American Sign Language sign. I chose books to support each week's theme, about five skills to work on, and a Bible story. Talk about neurotic.

Then my brother was seriously ill, about to be discharged from the hospital, and unable to take care of himself. I threw my extensive Excel spreadsheet out the window and taught Addy a real-life lesson instead: When family needs us, we are there. I urged my brother to move in with us.

Of course at the time I worried. When would we "do school?" How was I supposed to get through my weekly lesson plans when we were always driving across the state to see doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist? How would Addy learn anything when the times we actually were home, I had to keep sending her out to play alone in the backyard so I could spend yet another morning on the phone to this agency and that? Today I looked back at my spreadsheet to see what I had planned before I knew my brother would be living with us. The skills I thought were so very important to teach Addy? Traces curved and zigzag lines. Completes a 5-6 piece puzzle. Hops on one foot five times in a row.

You get my point.

The real learning happens through life. If you can throw in some raucous reneditions of the ABC song, that might spice things up. Everything else is extra.

So if you are so inclined, here's what works for us for the extra.

Books. Read a lot. Read the same book, over and over and over, if that's what your child wants. Read while your child ricochets off the furniture if yours isn't a sit-down-and-listen type. (What typical toddler is?)

If you want to get formal about it, the book Before Five in a Row is highly recommended by me and plenty of others. The premise is that you read the same book every day for five days in a row. (The "before" is because the original Five in a Row is about kindergarten level and this one is for preschoolers.) The book gives a list of books to read and, for each book, a set of suggested activities. The books are classics such as Blueberries for Sal and Goodnight Moon. What I most appreciate is that you'll never look at a book the same way again after having "rowed" one for five days. The activities are great, but not so revolutionary you could never have thought of them on your own if you had tons of extra time. They do get you started on how to really get the most out of a book. We're using this now for Dori at age 2-1/2 as her "school." We don't do it every day, but instead use it when she seems ready to sit down for a book and some special time together. It can be a complete preschool curriculum.

Letters. Our family's first step to teaching a child to read is to sing the ABC song. Bob used to sing it to Addy in the womb, but it's never too late. That was back when we had time on our hands. All Dori heard from Daddy in the womb was things like, "Addy, put the scissors down. Addy, get off the counter." She's still turning out OK.

It's fun to have something safe and tactile with letters on them to help your child learn the letters and their sounds. We have some foam bathtub letters. Blocks with letters on them would be fun. Magnetic letters for the refrigerator work well, and give you something to fish out from underneath the furniture all over the house — you know, in case you're bored. The LeapFrog Fridge Phonics Magnetic Set works well. I usually avoid toys that make noise, but this one is a good exception.

With some letters in hand, you can start to introduce the letters and sounds as you play. Knowing the letter sounds is actually more important than knowing the name of the letter. We play around with a letter toy and make up little songs and poems with its sound. "The A says /a/, the A says /a/, every letter makes a sound, the A says /a/." That one is stolen from the LeapFrog Letter Factory DVD, another exception to another of my rules that says we don't stick in a video and call it learning (call it babysitting and yes, we do that).

Reading A Home Start in Reading by Dr. Ruth Beechick is what convinced me I could actually teach a child to read. It sounds like such a big undertaking, doesn't it? It really isn't that difficult.

Here I am recommending various alphabet toys, but it's also Dr. Beechick's book that made me realize I wouldn't need any of these things to teach my children. I've told Bob before that if we ended up as missionaries in some remote village, all I would need to teach reading is a stick to scrape the letters into the dirt.

If your child likes workbooks, there are lots available at stores such as Meijer and Staples to help introduce the letters.

Once your older child is ready to move on, I like Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. I'd recommend you read my complete review of this program first, because some people don't like it or give up too soon. If it doesn't seem right for you, there are many other good phonics programs out there. Please, please be sure to find something that uses intensive phonics rather than the whole-language approach.

A good site for comparing curricula of any type is HomeSchoolReviews.com. This page has reviews of phonics curricula.

As supplemental materials, we enjoy playing the excellent phonics games at http://www.starfall.com/, reading Bob Books and using Explode the Code workbooks (we pick and choose pages and don't do the whole book). This is more toward kindergarten level though, definitely not for toddlers.

There is a free curriculum online called Letter of the Week that, obviously, uses the learning of letters as its base for a complete preschool curriculum. It's fun and simple, and we used some of the ideas when Addy was 3. Feel free to replace books and ideas liberally though, because you may not find all the books or subjects recommended at your own library.

Numbers. Math for toddlers and preschoolers starts with counting. From my observations, the steps go something like this. Getting there is a matter of practice, preferably while playing or doing regular daily tasks.

1. The child mimics you when you say "one, two, three." She has no idea what those words mean yet.
2. The child begins to demonstrate one-to-one number correlation, to get fancy about the terms. That means that Dori, age 2-1/2 recently figured out that "two" is a word that means there are two apples on the table, and "three" means there are three.
3. The child begins to count, putting her finger on each item as she counts a few of them.
4. The child begins to recognize a lump sum of two or three items. She can look at three blocks and know it's three blocks without counting 1, 2, 3.
5. Finally, the child begins to associate the numeral with the number word she has been hearing. That funny, curly symbol 6=six.
6. Early addition is simply counting two groups of objects all together.
7. Early subtraction is taking some away and either re-counting or, more advanced, counting backward.

For the purposes of educating your young child, what this means is that you play with objects they can really see and feel and hold. Count them, stack them, name them, number them.

Identify shapes. This is geometry. Identify colors. This helps learn to sort and pattern items. Play at which one is bigger or smaller. Which has more or fewer.

If your child is one who actually does enjoy workbooks (I was and Addy is), then feel free to pick up one at the grocery store or office supply store and use it if they seem receptive. When your child is a little older, I highly recommend Singapore Math, beginning with Earlybird Kindergarten Mathematics, then moving into Primary Mathematics for grade school. Note that these are about a year ahead of U.S. math levels. The Earlybird series has been updated, so if you find an old set they called them Earlybird 1A, 1B, 2A and 2B. Remember the Earlybird part, because the grade-school levels use the same numbers, but with the word Primary.

Science. For us, the main way to learn science is to observe the world around us. We encourage the girls' curiousity, even when it means dealing with filthy dirty clothes and all kinds of critters being dragged into our house. I wouldn't recommend anything formal here for young kids. Take nature walks. Wonder about things aloud. Answer more questions. Show your child how you find the answers you don't know. Let them pluck the seeds out of the apple core and plant them somewhere.

If you can, have a couple field guides on hand. My own very first bird book was this Birds Golden Guide, only with a retro cover. Our butterfly net gets heavy use for catching all sorts of things. A magnifying glass makes things look cool close up.

When it comes to reading nonfiction science books, I absolutely love the Let's-Read-And-Find-Out Science series. Magic School Bus books are also popular around here.

The living world is really what Bob and I love the most and know the most about (he with a degree in crop and soil science and me with my agriculture communication degree and nature-loving background). All kids I know seem to have an interest in nature, so that's where we start. If physics or chemistry is more your thing — or even if it's not — you can find examples of those branches of science in everyday life, as well. Baking bread becomes a chemistry experiment. You don't even need to use scientific-sounding words with you child, just let them play and explore what happens when ...

Participate in civic life. Remember the old Sesame Street ditty, "Who are the people in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood, in your neigh-booor-hooo-ood?" That was an early social studies lesson.

To learn about the world, start close. Your family, your neighborhood, your city, your state, then your world. From there, maps and geography, stories about the past and history all sort of evolve into something your child can actually be interested in and learn.

This is easier than it sounds. Go to the grocery store, not a special trip, but when you're going anyway. Notice who cuts the meat, scoops up the potato salad, stocks the produce. Attend the fire station's open house. Watch the garbage truck workers do their thing. Let your child see what members of your family do to contribute to community life, whether it be paid work or otherwise. Play dress-up and pretend. Take your child to the voting booth, and talk about what you're doing and why it's important to you. Celebrate holidays. Talk about your cultural and family traditions as your child participates fully in them.

This is not stuff you can get from a workbook.

Look at maps. See that Aunt Marion in California is very far away, while Aunt Kathy in southern Michigan lives much closer, and Grandma is even closer yet.

I grew up thinking that geography and history were very specific, very boring, very tedious school subjects. It wasn't until I was well into adulthood that I had any concept of how they affected me. Once I realized that, I was able to translate it into things that would interest my children.

To me, history equaled boring dates I could never remember. When I found out I had a great great grandfather who was a Union soldier in the Civil War, I suddenly became interested in what was happening in the world that would have affected his life at that time. It turns out history and geography are not about calendar dates and kilometers. They're about stories — stories of people's lives and places.

What stories interest your child? Addy likes having Little House on the Prairie books read to her. Right now that translates into dressing as Laura Ingalls for Halloween, wearing a bonnet and wishing to ride in a covered wagon. Someday it will translate into wondering what else was happening in the U.S. during Laura's time — the aftermath of the Civil War, settlement of the West, the Great Depression. She'll probably want to find the places Laura lived on a map, maybe even visit them someday.

She's already beginning to make connections through history. We try to relate everything in ways she can understand. The Great Depression? (She hears about it in the news.) Who cares about the specific years; it happened when Great Grandpa B. was a little boy. Daddy remembers him telling stories about his farm family eating a lot of cornmeal. His mom would make corn mush in the morning, then fry it up as cakes in the afternoon. Great Grandpa was awful sick of it, but it was cheap and they could grind it from their own corn. Those stories are history.

There are plenty of good books about people and places in history. For learning about contemporary cultures, we enjoyed Children Just Like Me by DK, which even has a neat accompanying sticker book. It's not a book to read verbatim to young children, but instead to explore the pictures and main ideas. It includes pictures of real kids in real faraway places. We encourage the girls to talk to people who have visited faraway places and ask about everyday life — what people eat, what their houses are like, what clothes they wear. My globetrotting nieces have come in really handy on that one.

We introduced a globe early, in the form of an inflatable ball. I can't say our kids started using it to identify countries early on, but having it introduced it as something to play with and explore, rather than something to sit on a shelf and not break.

My sister Anita found a couple good books that fit in here, Me and My Family Tree and Me on the Map.

To learn about hero figures for kids beyond toddlerhood I like the one-page stories in My First Book of Biographies: Great Men and Woman Every Child Should Know. Any stories about historical figures that might trip your child's trigger are good. Johnny Appleseed, Helen Keller and Sacajawea have been popular at our house. Lots are available at the library.

Dance. I wish I had the cash for Kindermusik classes for my toddler or the discipline to encourage weekly piano lessons and practice for my 6-year-old, but instead we mess with music at home. I'm anxious to get our piano back (we're in a temporary smaller home until our remodel) so the girls can experiment. We enacted a no-banging-on-the-piano-with-fists-or-toy-tractors rule, but other than that they are free to experiment. The girls do a lot of dancing. Daddy is good at this one.

Remember the basic songs from your childhood. I can't sing or play an instrument, but I do it anyway and the kids haven't complained yet. With toddlers, encourage them to clap along to the beat or the rhythm.

Make or buy some music makers. We have a box with a tambourine, harmonica, bells, egg shakers we filled with rice and beans, and whatever other noisemaker that finds its way into our house.

Practice making low notes and high notes. Practice soft and loud. Practice slow and fast.

Find some music that you can all enjoy. Our first children's CD was a really annoying, sappy sweet one that made Bob and I cringe. Then we discovered Laurie Berkner and found out children's music can be really cool. Her CD Victor Vito is the most played at our house. That and Reba.

Get messy. Come to find out, some families have rules about not mixing the Pla-Doh or say things like "make it pretty now." We don't have those rules.

We do have a ton of art supplies. We beg the grandmas to give the girls art supplies instead of more noisy toys for gifts. Therefore, there's almost always enough paper for more sheets all around, for more globs of poster paint, to go crazy with glue.

That's all I have to say about art for young children.

Where do I get this stuff?
I do hope you caught the part about real life and interaction with you being a child's primary lessons. Beyond that, if you have the funds and inclination to buy some formal materials, here are my favorite sources. It is really easy to get overwhelmed by all the choices.

• Read reviews of various programs at HomeSchoolReviews.com.
• If you're really lucky and live near Grand Rapids, Michigan, and the Home School Building or any other town that has a store specificially for homeschoolers, go there. Now. You'll be able to get your hands on the materials before you buy and probably ask questions of real homeschool parents who work there.
• Buy nearly everything, and I mean everything, in the homeschool world through Rainbow Resource Center. I have checked prices time and time again, and can never beat these.
• When it's general books I'm looking for, I use Amazon.com and take advantage of free shipping over $25.
• Can you tell I live in a rural area with no malls within an hour? If you actually have retailers in your area, Barnes & Noble offers a 20% discount for educators, including homeschoolers. Sign up for a discount card, but it only works in stores. Again, you won't find the specialty homeschool curricula here though, but you will find workbooks and general resources.
• If you know specifically what you're looking for, find it for sale from another homeschool parent at HomeschoolClassifieds.com. The interface isn't pretty, but I have had really good luck with it. I think it's safe to say that homeschoolers are reputable, so if you send away your money you can trust you'll get what you purchased. I've never had a problem anyway. EBay has become overpriced for homeschool materials. I have seen plenty of used items go for more than they would be new!
• For young children, yard sales and resale shops often yield some pretty good finds. Basic books, workbooks and games can be found cheap. If they don't end up working for you, so what? You only paid a quarter.
• What I use the most, though, is my local library. I use interlibrary loan like a fiend. They probably hate me for the number of books I request each week.

What else?
If you're thinking of homeschooling beyond preschool, think about attending a meeting of a local homeschool group. You will get your questions answered and so many ideas that you may feel as if your head will explode. At least I did.

It may take some work to find a group that really fits your family's lifestyle and beliefs — or you might find it right away. If you do find the right group, it can be really helpful.

If you're into it, you can start reading about the various homeschool methods. Yeah, there's a lot to it, so ignore it if you're not as detail-oriented as I am. You've probably heard of Montessori schools, right? Well there are also a number of other styles embraced by homeschoolers. You can learn about the Charlotte Mason method (this fits my bent the best), Waldorf, unschooling, Thomas Jefferson education, classical education, traditional school at home and lots more. Comment or e-mail me if you want a specific book recommendation.

What will your child be missing by doing preschool at home?
Frequent colds. The flu bug. Bad manners. Jokes about boogers. Separation anxiety. Time for you to watch TV alone and actually clean the house.

Warning, I have some strong opinions here, which may not be for the weak.

Seriously, though, I think we concerned parents tend to worry about what our children may be missing whatever they're doing. In my mind, conventional classroom preschool is all about learning the basic skills, but those who promote it will tell you it's also about learning social skills — how to get along in a group, accept strangers, share and so on. Those all sound real nice, but I think we tend to use preschool as babysitting and then force our kids into some of these experiences before they are ready. We're also quick to forget that children can and do learn social skills in their own families. Unless you are a family of wolves, you can do this yourself. Try living in a downsized house with one bathroom and you'll learn about sharing, by golly. Living real life with you and interacting with real people in the world — the ones you meet at the bank as you do your weekly errands — are genuine social experiences for your children. If it's interaction with other kids you're after, you can seek it out in many ways. You can set up playdates, you can participate in story hour at the library, you can take part in Sunday School or other church activities, you can join a 4-H club or an AYSO soccer team, you can seek out a homeschool group. We do all these.

So what have my children missed out on? Fake Thanksgiving reenactments where the children all dress as good little Pilgrims and Native Americans. Instead, we learn our family's version of the whole truth about the holiday. It's still fun. The kids aren't shooed out of the room while I prepare for a holiday tradition. They take part in it. They get their hands dirty. We talk.

My children have no idea how to get a hall pass to use the bathroom or that they might even consider raising their hands before speaking. Thank God.

• • •

I think the bottom line is to have fun with your young children, take them with you instead of thinking you need to find a sitter, let them experience real life.

If you need to convince the nosy neighbor that your homeschooling is working when they ask what you do all day, throw in some pedagogical terms. Instead of "played ball in the back yard," try "practiced gross motor skills." Instead of "stacked blocks and counted them," say you "explored size and spacial relationships and practiced one-to-one number correspondence."

Good luck to you. If you can count to 10, know your colors, can sing the ABC song and love your child more than anyone else in the world (and I know you do) you can do this.

What will the kindergarten teacher do when my child ... ?

Back in January, the superintendent of the local school district came to our house to attend the estate sale before we moved in. Upon learing we were homeschoolers, he and his wife tried to sell me on the merits of the public elementary school. His wife seemed to think I would be interested in how cutely it is decorated* (as if) and he told me who was his best kindergarten teacher, Mrs. P. (sorry for the kids who aren't in her class). He could have gained some valuable market research and may have even been able to help me realize his points better had he asked me a thing, but he did all the talking.

Because I was taught by his type of system not to be bold and assert myself with authority, I just nodded and sold them a decorative oak shelf. Here's what I wish I would have asked the superintendent about his star kindergarten teacher, Mrs. P.:

• Will Mrs. P. sit down with my daughter on her lap and read her really good stories every day? Will she welcome each question, even if it's right in the middle of the story?
• When Addy is inspired by an idea, will she drop the day's lesson plan (or the week's or month's!) and dive right into it head first?
• Will she base the curriculum on what excites Addy and helps her develop as a person, or will she be so worried about meeting state standards in specific areas that the life is drained out of it?
• Can Dori come to the classroom every day, too, and take a spot right next to Addy so they can love and learn from each other, developing the kind of deep relationship sisters should?
• Will she clear her classroom from the typical pop culture icons that send the wrong messages to developing young minds?
• Will children in her classroom value people before things, self-esteem over group acceptance, words over fists? How about on the playground? On the bus? Little children are learning and need loving guidance every time. Will Mrs. P. be there on the bus, in the lunchroom and on the playground to provide it?
• Will she uphold our family's values?
• Will she spend all the time Addy needs to learn a concept without ever rushing her, labeling her or sending her off to a special classroom? Is she willing to drop months of lesson plans if Addy is ready to zoom on to something new?
• Will she promise to never squelch Addy's love of learning by filling her time with busywork? Can she promise not to make her wait to be called on when she is eager with a question or idea?
• Will she come to my home so she can continue to discuss what they're learning at the dinner table, in the car and at bedtime?
• What will she say when Addy asks the hard questions, about God, or sex, or dying?

I really do want to know these sorts of things. I am very open to hearing from others, even if (maybe especially if?) they disagree with me.

* I was at the school for a public event. Behind a cute facade and inviting lobby, office and board room, down the hallways I saw cinderblock walls, solid steel doors and cold lockers. Not that I care.

Quiz: What do I have in common with 1984 Olympic gold medalist Mary Wayte?

A. Gorgeous blond hair, youthful skin and a winning smile.

B. A love of swimming, only one of us is better at it than the other.

C. Pure athletic prowess.

D. Enjoying life as a homeschooling mom with two daughters.

E. Both B and D.

Correct answer: E


Mary Wayte on her induction to her university's hall of fame:

"It is an extraordinary honor. I'm homeschooling my two children now, and sometimes the biggest event in my day is cutting crust off of a sandwich. So that people actually remember what you've done, and feel like it's something worth honoring, it's just really fun. At the same time, I wouldn't trade my life right now for anything."

— From: http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=1200&u_sid=10375494

Don't dumb it down for me.

The other day Addy's uncle mentioned a story in the news about a green puppy. Addy asked how it became green, and he said it was born that way. A few minutes later he told the same story to my sister and she asked the same question. This time he explained in detail the theory that the placenta's greenish color rubbed off on the puppy's coat in the womb. Addy (age 5) asked, "Why didn't you just tell me that?"

Don't worry, Uncle Jeff. It happens all the time.

Kids are short, and we assume they can't understand. In the name of making information age-appropriate, we go too far and dumb it down. I'd say the entire philosophy that Bob and I share for educating our children is based on the idea that they can understand. Maybe they don't catch every detail, but we expose them to all the facts.

People are often surprised at the things that come out of Addy's mouth — that she knows moths are nocturnal while butterflies are diurnal, and so on. While we think she is bright, other kids are just as intelligent. The difference is that we bother to give her real information.

This morning Addy was still thinking about the story of Daniel in the lion's den, which I read to her from Egermeier's Bible Story Book last week (great book!). Addy wanted to know why when she has heard the story before in other books or at Sunday School, they simply say that the men were jealous of Daniel, when really there's a lot more to the story.

We had a good chance to discuss this idea of dumbing things down for kids. It really bothers her. While she hasn't verbalized it this way, it seems as if she feels she is being cheated out of information just because she is a kid.

Addy told me, "Someday when I grow up, if I am a teacher I'll tell my kids the whole, whole, whole story!"

"I could never teach my own children." And, "Schools give children socialization."

I hear these statements all the time, of course from people who seem to think homeschooling is equivalent to child abuse. Here was my recent response to a blogger who posed these questions ... er ... statements. She is a public school teacher.

I'm curious why you think you couldn't teach your own children. I used to think that myself. That's a common misconception about homeschooling and I think it goes back to the whole classroom mindset with which we were all raised. (I say "we" because I attended public schools.) That mindset had me thinking that the teacher holds the knowledge and dispenses it to the students.

Once my children were born and I began to explore their educational options, I met homeschoolers who helped me understand otherwise. In my family, I am not the only teacher. I simply facilitate my children's learning; we use the whole world as our classroom. My goal is to raise eager, independent learners who know how to use various tools to access the world. In short, I can teach simple addition facts without any additional resources other than what's in my head. I'll be honest: I will not be able to teach trigonometry with only the information stored in my brain. However, I will be able to facilitate my children's learning by directing them to the resources they need to learn. That might be a book (the first thing our classroom mindset allows us to think about) or something entirely different. Chances are it will be real-life learning.

Homeschooling has been quite an adventure for our family so far. I have been able to learn new things (or long forgotten facts) along with my children. It's family learning at its best.

You mentioned that public/private school can give children socialization and group skills. My opinion is this: Those are but two areas that are important for children to learn. I will not sacrifice the rest of my children's learning only so they can access socialization and learn group skills in a forum that I think is inferior anyway. Instead, I expose them to genuine social experiences.

Let me explain. One of my daughters is 5 years old. If I sent her to the public school two miles from my home, she would be in a kindergarten classroom all day, five days a week, with one teacher, maybe an assistant, and about 15 other 5-year-olds. (Their average class size is 15.8 students in the elementary school.) So from whom would my daughter be getting her socialization? From 15 other 5-year-olds. As a teacher, you may have spent time with a group of 15 5-year-olds recently. While I find them energetic and delightful, I don't think I need to explain any more. (But let me know if I do.)

Instead, I expose my daughter to real-world social situations. She gets far more chances to interact with our extended family that time would allow if she were in a classroom all day (great grandma, grandparents, aunts and uncles), and she interacts with real people each day ranging from our nice postmaster to the clerk at the grocery store and from the farmer down the road to our elderly neighbor. That's real life.

I worked in an office environment until my first child was born. Never did I work with a group of only 30-year-olds. I had to know how to work with a variety of people of all ages from all walks of life, from my 60-something secretary to the 20-something graphic designer I supervised and the 40-something advertising sales person.

We're an active family and that gives my children plenty of opportunities to interact with other children, too, all in settings guided by me and other caring adults. They include 4-H, a soccer team, Sunday School, gymnastics class and more.

There are two things my children cannot do well, and I blame it on homeschooling. They don't know how to stand in line, and they don't know to raise their hands and wait to be called on.

I can certainly do without those.

I'm cramming an otter into a Pringles can.

These two statements will get me through some busy days:

"Someone once told me that homeschooling and being a full time homemaker, wife and mother is like 'cramming an otter into a Pringles can.' It's just darned near impossible. That's the way life is for me, but it's working."

"Sometimes I forget I'm in the business of raising children and not of getting things done. I have to keep checking on the children and their progress and not worry about how the house looks."

—homeschooling mother Amber Galbraith, as quoted by Connie Goff in the Maryville Daily Forum, Maryville, Mo., Feb. 20, 2008

Let the homeschooled kids speak.

We hear plenty from parents about what they think about homeschooling. Here are some awesome videos by homeschooled kids.

Announcing the winners of the Laurel Springs "What's Cool About Homeschool?" video contest.

The joys of having a reader.

When I started teaching my daughter to read, I never imagined the pure joy it would bring to me. I knew it would be a lifelong skill that would bring her knowledge and pleasure; Bob and I are avid readers ourselves.

It's impossible to describe the pride I feel hearing her practice reading her lines for the church Christmas play. They're doing a readers' theatre this year and Addy has two parts. However haltingly her words are read, they are music to this mommy's ears.

"Fear not, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be
to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior,
which is Christ the Lord and this shall be a sign unto you: You shall find
the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."

and

"God wants everyone to be saved, and to come to the knowledge of the
truth."

The play is "No Strings Attached" by Arden Mead.

This is from the e-newsletter of Living Books Curriculum, a homeschool company that offers products based on the methods British educator Charlotte Mason used to help children learn in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

Charlotte Mason said that a method implies a mental image of the object. In other words, what you picture and think on tends to come to pass. Do this: picture in vivid detail what your child is like grown. What are the qualities, the character traits, the activities you would like to see your child doing? Write all this down in full. Yes, it will take effort, but you will only need to do this once. When I did it, it produced a radical readjustment of my thinking. Good thing, as I was locked into traditional educational methods and could only imagine my daughter "doing well" in college. When I got the full Technicolor picture of character, life skills, enjoyments, spiritual growth, and "doing well" in college; then, Charlotte Mason and her method began to makes sense as the only way to achieve such a wonderful goal.

I don't know that I agree that the Charlotte Mason method is the only way to get there — friends who home educate their children in other ways seem to be doing well — but I really appreciate the idea of thinking of Addy's and Dori's futures in full detail, well beyond just doing well in college. For me, homeschooling is definitely harder than sending them away to school, but this thought makes it all worthwhile.

From my local public school district web site:

Studies have shown that students learn faster and become more self-reliant when they are taught one-to-one.

Everything you wanted to know about our homeschooling, but were afraid to ask.

Sue, have you turned weird?

(My brother actually asked.) I mean, homeschooling is either for women with long, straight hair who refuse to let their ankles show or women with long, wild hair who strap Birkenstocks around their ankles. Right?

While I hate to place myself into a box, there’s a rapidly growing segment of the population who homeschool their children because they know it is best for their children. Free love and Bible thumping aside.

So why do you homeschool?

This is probably the hardest question to answer, simply because the reasons are numerous and I could drone on about it for hours. But since you asked:

1. I can give my children one-on-one attention. Classroom teachers perform amazing work and I don’t discount their efforts. What they cannot do is focus their efforts on my child and only my child — all day, every day. One-on-one tutoring is simply more effective.
2. No one loves my children as much as I do. Again, classroom teachers each have gifts, and I know they count a love for children among them. However, only my husband and I share the same deep and abiding love for our girls that drives us to educate them as entire little persons every day. I’m not attempting to raise children who are good at math, good at reading, good with science, good at music. While all those would be nice and we work hard at each every day, we are raising our children to be good people. Period.
3. I’m selfish. I was there when each of my girls took their first steps and said their first words. I will continue to be there as each reads her first book, counts to 100, learns to spell M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I. I’d hate to miss it.
4. It’s my responsibility. I didn’t send my girls off to day care for someone else to raise part of the day. I will not send them off for someone else to educate when I am able to do it myself. I’m the first to admit that homeschooling isn’t for everyone. Not everyone could do it. Not everyone is living in the right situation to make it feasible. I am. So I will.
5. My children deserve normal socialization. Every single homeschooler I have ever met is sick of the whole socialization question. Let me explain. Many people see my super-outgoing 5-year-old (who wanted to invite 26 of her closest friends to her birthday party) and say that while she won’t have a problem with socialization, those other homeschoolers will have trouble. They’re wrong. Sure, there are a few people who live secluded in the deep woods and like it that way, but all the homeschoolers I know are normal people, active in their communities. Their kids play soccer. They join 4-H clubs. They swim. They play at the park. They use the library. They play with other kids. They have normal conversations with adults and other children nearly every day as they go about their business. That’s what I call socialization. What I don’t need is for my 5-year-old to be socialized a great part of the day primarily by two dozen other 5-year-olds. And if I were going to force socialization upon my child, it certainly wouldn't be to assimilate and maintain the status quo.

Are you qualified to homeschool?

I don’t have a teaching degree. So sorry, I know nothing about classroom management. I couldn’t gain order in a classroom full of kids for anything. Nor could I teach much to two dozen children at a time.

But I do have the skills, desire and resources to teach my own children. If I end up with more than 24 of them, that may change. For now, I’m good.

My husband points out that he and I have each fully mastered the skills typically learned in Kindergarten. And 1st grade, and 2nd grade, probably with 100% competency up to at least 6th grade.

I’m a doer. Give me a challenge and I can probably find a way to meet it. I have never been so motivated to do anything as to teach my own children.

Won’t they miss out on the normal school opportunities?

Yes, that is why I plan to do what this couple proposed. This piece called “Homeschooling Family Finds Ways to Adapt to a Public School ‘Socialization’ Program” was in the fall 2005 Kolbe Little Home Journal:

“When my wife and I mention we are strongly considering homeschooling our children, we are without fail asked, ‘But what about socialization?’ Fortunately, we found a way our kids can receive the same socialization that government schools provide. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I will personally corner my son in the bathroom, give him a wedgie and take his lunch money. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my wife will make sure to tease our children for not being in the ‘in’ crowd, taking special care to poke fun at any physical abnormalities. Fridays will be ‘Fad and Peer Pressure Day.’ We will all compete to see who has the coolest toys, the most expensive clothes, and the loudest, fastest, and most dangerous car. Every day, my wife and I will adhere to a routine of cursing and swearing in the hall and mentioning our weekend exploits with alcohol and immorality ... . And we have asked them to report us to the authorities in the event we mention faith, religion, or try to bring up morals and values.”

Really, won’t they miss some of the things that public school children get to do?

The prom and varsity sports are the least of our family’s concerns. Our children are still little and, seriously, our priorities are something entirely different at this point. Our girls get so many opportunities that some other children do not. If their priorities change over time, their schooling will change, as well.

You suck at math. How are you going to teach Addy and Dori trigonometry if you can’t even define it?

You’re right. I could never give a lecture about advanced math concepts. That’s why I’m working so hard now to raise independent learners. Rather than squash their desire to learn, our brand of homeschooling is all about fostering a love of learning.

Patience of Job? I don't think so.

Apparently my mother-in-law thinks I have the patience of Job. (Siblings and husband: Stop laughing. Now.) Twice this has come up when we have discussed homeschooling. Fact is, I have the patience of any other harried mother of a spirited child and active toddler who has managed to overbook herself with far too many activities. (Low to nil, in chase you need the translation.)

The topic of patience came up at the grocery store this afternoon, too. A mother with two carts full of little boys (!) commended me on my decision to homeschool. I could never do it, she told me. I don't have the patience. I wonder if she believed me when I told her that I don't either.

I wish I could sit down and explain this to every single parent who has seriously contemplated homeschooling, but thinks they couldn't hack it. I work hard at displaying what looks like patience. In my life B.K. (before kids) I had a full-time career in public relations. I liked the writing, forming the messages, working with reporters on deadline, touting my organization. But the schmoozing with executives, budget reports and a whole host of other stuff was not so fun for me. I really had to work at it. It was work, right?

That's what mothering and homeschooling are for me now. They're my work, so I work at them.