Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Fifty ways to leave your debt.

We were discussing real-life money-saving tips on one of my lists. Here was my submission. OK, we're still in debt, but at least we're not adding to it.

We have been living on less lately, so here are some of the things we have been doing. Some of these we're doing to try to be more green at the same time.
  1. Breastfeed Dori
  2. Use cloth diapers (make own or barter for them)
  3. Price shop on phone plans
  4. Cut own hair
  5. Make own bread (anybody know how to make hamburger buns?)
  6. Bring milk from parents' dairy farm when we can (yay!)
  7. Use up what's in the pantry even if it's an odd combination of foods, call the resulting meal something fun so it sounds like I did it on purpose (surprise casserole!)
  8. Cheaper sources of protein: eggs, beans
  9. Cloth napkins
  10. Rags instead of paper towels
  11. Cloth wipes with plain water
  12. Simple soaps — no more fancy body washes for me, etc.
  13. Consolidate trips, travel much less
  14. Use the library, but keep good eye on due dates so fines don't add up
  15. Use BookMooch to feed my reading habit
  16. Don't see movies on the big screen, play board games instead
  17. Curb urge to get out of the house and drive somewhere for entertainment by riding bikes in neighborhood or walking
  18. Use up odd cuts of meat in the freezer, try new recipes
  19. Obvious for this group, but I have never paid a single penny for babysitting; turn down invitations that would cost us a lot of money or force separation from the kids (use grandmas, aunts and very close friends for child care only occasionally)
  20. Be proactive in setting up social things that could otherwise be costly (I knew an old friend was about to ask me to meet her somewhere for lunch at a restaurant, so I offered the idea of playing at the park with the kids instead)
  21. Ask for and give away things on Freecycle
  22. Not eat out at all, but have more picnics (even if just in yard) to add variety
  23. Take up any offers of stuff from people's gardens, look for a recipe online if I don't know what to do with it
  24. Use Internet (the one thing we haven't cut out as I rely on it pretty heavily) to help us learn how to fix things ourselves more (current problem is broken lawnmower)
  25. Speak up when anything kids are involved in want to do fund-raisers and say I'm glad to help in many ways, but I don't condone selling or buying junk
  26. Not set foot in a mall, throw away sale ads from newspaper so I'm not tempted to buy anything I don't need
  27. I don't even stop at garage sales anymore since there would always be one 25-cent item I just had to have and it added up
  28. Turn down heat
  29. Take quicker showers (were given a 5-minute shower timer, I don't make it quite that short, but it keeps me hopping)
  30. Use cold water for clothes washing
  31. Wash clothes only when dirty rather than after every wearing out of habit
  32. Hang clothes on line to dry, or in basement when raining
  33. Not feel obligated to give expensive gifts for weddings, etc., justto keep up with the Joneses or just because they gave us an expensive wedding gift 12 years ago
  34. Make almost all our own gifts
  35. Sell stuff on eBay that we've been holding onto for who knows why
  36. Take stuff to other people's garage sales when invited (esp. if someone else has already advertised it!)
  37. Realize that stocking up on an item just because it's on sale doesn't make financial sense if it would have to go on credit with interest to have it now!
  38. Make smaller meals (Bob's not very good about eating leftovers, so I'd rather make less or usually freeze it before it hits the table)
  39. Make my own cloth mama pads (easy to do — I'll share directions if you want, even a folded up washcloth works!)
  40. Keep grandmas informed of children's clothes sizes and needs (otherwise they'll just keep buying more dresses they don't need)
  41. Be happy with the fact that our house is not decorated and if I want a new curtain or something make it out of fabric I have
  42. Cut up other items to sew new things (a single wool sweater became legwarmers, mittens, breast pads and cloth diaper cover)
  43. Admit freely that I'm broke, swallow pride so I don't end up going in on things I can't afford
  44. Addy is interested in every kind of class, lesson, club or sport she ever hears of, so we choose the ones that fit into our family's goals the best and don't cost too much (soccer and tee ball instead of more costly gymnastics and dance), 4-H, etc.
  45. Train my children to understand marketers and their goals. (It works.)
  46. Homeschool. While I end up paying for public education with my taxes and spending money on curriculum materials for my kids, I still think that having my children at home helps them focus on what's important and not what's not (video anything, designer anything, the newest and coolest anything).
  47. Try to seek out bartering opportunities (haven't done it yet and if anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear them): I wish I knew people who needed my sewing skills or some maple syrup in exchange for haircuts and piano lessons, for example.
  48. Call our Realtor every week hoping our house sells!
  49. Sell maple syrup from the family sugarbush!
  50. Decide that we're not going to put anything on credit

My turtle video has surpassed 20,000 views on YouTube

Wow, a lot of people have nothing better to do. Including me.

I welcome you to have a laugh at my expense: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eSl-dMFwoQ

Monday, July 7, 2008

Quiz: What do I have in common with 1984 Olympic gold medalist Mary Wayte?

A. Gorgeous blond hair, youthful skin and a winning smile.

B. A love of swimming, only one of us is better at it than the other.

C. Pure athletic prowess.

D. Enjoying life as a homeschooling mom with two daughters.

E. Both B and D.


Correct answer: E


Mary Wayte on her induction to her university's hall of fame:

"It is an extraordinary honor. I'm homeschooling my two children now, and sometimes the biggest event in my day is cutting crust off of a sandwich. So that people actually remember what you've done, and feel like it's something worth honoring, it's just really fun. At the same time, I wouldn't trade my life right now for anything."

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Our day, a sampling.

Our summer days have been varied, but today has been especially nice and a good picture of what we’re up to. We started the day checking on our first attempt at homemade yogurt that I left to set overnight. It worked! We mixed in some homemade strawberry jam we made a couple weeks ago from berries we picked ourselves.

Then we just hung out at home, watching “Bridge to Terabitha” that we rented from the library with a coupon Addy was given for reaching her goal in the summer reading program. It's a great movie and we can't wait to read the book (backwards, I know). Addy said, "That movie changed my whole world." We cancelled our satellite service and get no channels, so the occasional movie is our only TV now.

We hung clothes on the line, which the girls seem to think is fun for some reason. It was nice to be outside in the fresh air. The fact that we can see 32 wind turbines from our yard means we're in a great spot for drying clothes outside. We watered our flowers and let the later rain take care of the vegetable garden.

When Bob got home, he took Dori to return the movie while I helped Addy make caps, scarves and petticoats out of an old bedsheet to transform their Laura Ingalls pioneer costumes into Colonial period costumes. We’re going to see a reading of the Declaration of Independence at a historic courthouse on the 4th and costumes are encouraged. It was Addy's first attempt at using the serger, and I’m sewing the remaining parts of the costumes now.

Bob and the girls went to release some frogs we have been raising for several weeks since they were tadpoles. They walked to a ditch at the end of the road in the rain.

Bob is readying to make a batch of Juustoa squeaky cheese. I brought back milk from the farm. Addy is anxious to have it for our bedtime snack.

Once the costumes are done, I'll take advantage of having the rolled edge plate on the serger to make some cloth napkins. I intend to never buy a package of paper napkins again.

Other than that, we’ve been swimming a lot and just playing outside. We read a lot. It’s so fun to watch my daughter learn to enjoy reading on her own now. We do the summer reading program at the library and Bob gave one of the presentations, about insects. The YMCA gives swimming lessons at the farm as part of a backyard learn-to-swim program, so the girls get free lessons.

Addy is looking forward to taking 4-H projects to the fair. Her Little League tee ball season just wound up and she’s looking forward to August as she says, “I think I’m more of a soccer girl.” Bob and I will coach her team.

I’ve been working on a flyer and gathering ideas to start a homeschool group in our area.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Ham, Egg and Cheese Crock Pot Casserole

I made this up, a hybrid of a couple recipes online and what was in my fridge. I didn't really measure anything. It's in my crock pot now so we can make it to the early summer church service on time — or at least so breakfast isn't the reason we're late.

8 slices of bread, torn up
1 cup chopped ham
2 T. diced green pepper
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
4 eggs
1 cup milk
1 T. diced onion
1 t. parsley

Grease inside of crock pot. Layer bread, ham, green pepper and cheese. (I made 4 layers.) Beat eggs with milk, onion and parsley. Pour egg mixture over top of layers. Cook on low overnight.

Friday, June 20, 2008

I have the prettiest place in the country.

My parents subscribe to a magazine with a standing feature called "Prettiest Place in the Country." It showcases farmsteads that are beautifully landscaped, often with gorgeous water features, elaborate flower beds, stately gazebos and lush lawns.

My backyard would never qualify for the magazine feature. Nonetheless, I think I'm the one with the prettiest place, and for reasons that wouldn't meet anyone else's standards. Here's why:

  • There are holes throughout the yard. That's where Addy dug up worms to add to her collection. The collection, by the way, is an ice cream bucket that sits as a permanent yard ornament over by the rhubarb patch.
  • Dirt paths are worn into the grass under each swing and the trapeze bar — a sign the swingset is well utilized. And we've only lived here four months.
  • The clothesline dips low in the middle, so low that clothes hang on the ground as they dry unless I prop it up with a metal bar. I thought about fixing it, but then Dori wouldn't be able to reach. For some reason hanging clothes on the line is the girls' idea of a good time and — don't tell them — it's mine, too.
  • A plastic sword lies in wait near the big pine. I'm a pacifist when it comes to children's toys (and only children's toys). While I don't allow my own kids to own these fake weapons, this one came from the boys one house over and is a sign that our yard is the neighborhood place to be. I like it that way.
  • Four odd flip flops grace the grass near the slide, telling me the girls found something interesting outside to distract them.
  • The pear tree has a gnarly stub toward the bottom where a branch broke off. Apparently some little boys in the neighborhood came over while we weren't home and climbed the dwarf tree, snapping off the branch. The old man next door scared them away, then his wife called us later to report their shenanigans. I'm just glad the kids found something interesting in the tree. And I hope it was fun.

My backyard may never appear in a magazine, but it's beautiful to me.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

My baby has had a very bad day.

7:15 a.m.—Dori wakes up 2 hours earlier than normal.

7:30 a.m.—Uncle Dale offers to take her on an errand in his truck, then locks her and the keys in it after buckling her securely in her carseat. She can't get out. It seems like an hour, probably more like 30 minutes before Luke arrives with the spare.

9:15 a.m.—Dori's swimming lesson is cancelled. Too darn cold.

1 p.m.—Addy gets to try on a flowergirl dress and pretty red shoes at the shop downtown. Dori does not. She is ticked. We throw a jumper over her clothes and call it good, then whip it off and leave the store, nearly late for the dentist now.

1:29 p.m.—On the way to Dori's 1:30 p.m. dentist appointment, her mother (that's me), realizes she has forgotten her wallet at the store. Quick call: They'll hold it.

1:30 p.m.—Time to rush into the dentist, just in time. Dori poops. Needs a diaper change. Bad. In the parking lot. No wipes.

2 p.m.—The root of the tooth in question is dying. It needs to be pulled.

2:30 p.m.—Cavity filled, tooth pulled, not so bad. Except for the missing tooth. And blood. And now no one will let her have any gum.

4 p.m.—Back to the farm. Wants to play. Mama says no, we must get in the car and get to sister's tee-ball game. Forced into carseat against will.

7:30 p.m.—Attempting to climb the playground ladder at the ballpark, Dori falls backward from a couple rungs up and lands flat on her back. Wind knocked out of her. Mama picks her up and thinks she's fine until her eyes roll back into her head, her body tenses up and flails backward (ER doc later tells us she passed out momentarily). Mama freaks out. EMS tech happens to be at game and reassures us, directs us to drive her to the hospital. Everything OK, CAT done because she had a concussion earlier this year. Scan was normal. Apparently she has a short vasovagal response and passes out with head injury.

9:30 p.m.—Back home.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Update from Arizona Pizza

I received this official response today. The restaurant is claiming the mother misrepresented the actual events. I dunno.

This is probably the best perspective, from http://womenshealthnews.wordpress.com/2008/06/09/let-me-tell-you-where-you-can-put-that-napkin-another-woman-illegally-told-to-stop-breastfeeding/: There have been some reports that this story was made up, and that the pizza place has video proving that it did not happen as reported. I cautioned earlier that it had not yet been properly vetted, but that businesses in states with breastfeeding laws should review them, as this type of incident does occur.

Arizona Pizza restaurants were created to provide a casual, family oriented atmosphere where people gather to enjoy great food in comfortable surroundings and where all customers are treated with respect and dignity. Our corporate policy is to make sure all guests are treated fairly and can comfortably enjoy their experience at any and all times while also abiding by all state and local laws. In a situation where a guest became offended by a nursing mother, it is our policy to relocate that guest to another area of the restaurant, as the mother has the right to nurse. Any transgression of this policy is taken seriously by the franchisor as well as the franchisee, as was the recent case in Ft. Myers, Fl. After the franchisee at the located reviewed the security tape of the entire episode, there appears to be a misrepresentation by the mother of the actual events, which have been noted on her interview with FOX. However, we have launched a training session on this topic and have incorporated new material into our training manual to prevent any future incidents of this nature.

We hope you have an opportunity to visit our restaurants so you are able to witness for yourself the type of customer service we always strive to deliver.

William L. Stevens, President

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Nursing mother harrassed at Arizona Pizza

As long as this keeps happening, I'll keep writing letters.

Dear [Arizona Pizza management listed here],

I read an article about an incident at Arizona Pizza at http://www.winknews.com/younews/19634434.html (summary pasted below) that disappointed me a great deal. I’m writing to ask you to clarify your policies and train your staff on the laws protecting babies’ rights to breastfeed in public. I also respectfully request that you offer a sincere and personal apology to Nicole Newland and her child.

I understand that your server harassed Ms. Newland as she fed her baby in your restaurant. Please tell me this was an unfortunate case of a single, poorly trained worker and not reflective of your company’s policies.

I look forward to your response.

Thanks for your time,
Sue [last name]
Breastfeeding mother



Told to stop breastfeeding at Arizona Pizza
Posted on: Jun 7, 2008 at 9:45 PM EDT
"Tonight my sister, her boyfriend, my three month old daughter Catalina, and I all went out to dinner at a local restaurant, Arizona Pizza in Fort Myers (off of Winkler). Catalina got hungry and so I discreetly began to nurse her. Within moments, a server, Irene, came over to me and asked me to stop nursing or cover up, and then she TRIED TO COVER MY BABY WITH A NAPKIN!! I told her several times, as politely as possible that I would not do either of those things as Florida law didn't require me too and in fact protected my right to breastfeed in public. She tried to cover Catalina a few more times and then asked me to nurse facing the wall, which I also refused to do. Afterwards, she went behind the bar and began pointing at me and getting all of the wait staff to turn and stare at us."

Can I eat this while breastfeeding?

I just read a poor article called "Eating for Breastfeeding" on another blog. Here's the comment I sent to correct its gross misinformation.

Thank you for addressing this important topic; however, your information is seriously incorrect. Most women do not need to drastically change their diets or fluids intake to successfully breastfeed. It almost seems as if this article was written with the sole sources being hearsay and folktales. I would be happy to provide accurate information to replace this. Feel free to contact me for details.

In short:
  • It is no longer generally accepted that women use 500 calories per day for lactation. That number may be closer to 300 calories, but what's more important is that the woman look at her own nutrition needs as she consider how much and what she eats. A woman who has some weight to lose may not need to consume any extra calories to breastfeed successfully.
  • A breastfeeding mother should drink to thirst. Artificial guidelines about amounts to consume are not helpful. It's a good idea to keep a bottle or glass of water handy throughout the day as a reminder to keep well hydrated.
  • While it is theoretically possible that chocolate could bother a nursing child, most women eat a varied diet with no problems. Chocolate would be much lower on the list of foods to consider should food intolerances or allergies be suspected. (The caffiene may be the more likely culprit in caffiene anyway.)
  • There is no need to issue a blanket edict against eating anything during breastfeeding. What a woman can eat during lactation is highly variable by culture. In some cultures, women are encouraged to eat lots of things that other cultures forbid entirely! It is based on tradition and not fact. (Consuming illicit drugs, smoking, or taking in large amounts of alcohol or caffiene, on the other hand, are universally accepted as poor choices.)
  • Go ahead and avoid greasy foods because they aren't part of a healthful diet, but not because they'll have the kind of impact on the baby that this article suggests.
  • It is an old myth that breastfeeding mothers should not eat spicy foods. Consider what women in Thailand, Mexico or other cultures regularly eat while successfully breastfeeding their babies!
  • The article is correct in its assertion that it is best to avoid large amounts of caffiene. The drug does pass into the infant's body and affects the child. Reasonable amounts are acceptable (a cup of coffee in the morning, for example, is just fine; a pot may not be).

For up-to-date, accurate information, I suggest mothers look to La Leche League, the breastfeeding support organization. They can find a local Leader by visiting www.llli.org. Read FAQs about nutrition while breastfeeding at http://www.llli.org/NB/NBmaternalnutrition.html.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Lesson learned.

You can do a lot of things one-handed while holding a sleeping toddler. Apparently baking is not one of them.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Top 10 Must-Haves for your Baby

I wrote this article three years ago, while pregnant with Dori. Published here by popular demand.

Now that I’m expecting a new baby, my mailbox has been stuffed with an onslaught of mommy magazines. Only days after telling our parents I’m pregnant, the marketing gurus somehow found out, too. They promptly put me on their mailing lists — all of them. I flipped through a stack of the typical publications and was appalled by the common theme: “Great Baby Gear for your Lifestyle,” “Just Out: Must-haves for Mom, Dad, and Baby,” “The Baby Product I Couldn’t Live Without” (actual titles).

I admit, when I was pregnant with our daughter, now 3, I fell for too much of it. Congratulations, advertising executives. By the time Addy arrived we had crammed far too many square feet of our modest 900-square-foot house with a crib, cradle, playpen, highchair, bouncy seat, infant swing, doorway jumper, stroller and stationary walker — just to name a few. And let’s not forget the lotions and potions, breast pump and accessories, special laundry detergent, baby monitor, clothes and toys.

Now that I know better, I created a new and improved list of the top 10 more natural items we absolutely must have for our new baby. Maybe these will work for you, too.

10. A pair of breasts. Whether you have one, two or more babies, a pair of breasts is all you need to provide custom-made nutrition that’s perfectly portable, always available, just the right temperature and fresh from the tap. If you have only one breast, even that’s sufficient; the March/April 2005 issue of Mothering magazine featured a mother who successfully nourished her twins on one breast after the other was removed (“One Breast is Enough,” issue 129). Add the comfort that nursing babies receive and the relaxation for mother, and your breasts form a perfect package.

9. A safe place to sleep, preferably next to a warm body. My friend Sarah, already a wise mom to a 4-month-old baby, regrets spending a thousand dollars on a finely crafted crib and all the trimmings. I regret that when my sisters agreed to help me sew during my first pregnancy, we went to work wasting hours of time and yards of fabric making matching crib and cradle bedding (complete with coordinated dust ruffles) when any firm surface next to my warm body was all my daughter needed to sleep. Now that I’m expecting a second child, I asked my sisters to again help me prepare. This time, we’ll spend our time crafting cloth diapers and spare slings. And in contrast to what some do with baby on the way, we’ll be taking down the never-used crib. It was never used unless you count its roles as gigantic laundry basket and home for wayward stuffed animals.

8. Something soft and warm to wear. Clothes don’t even need to be cute (your little one would shine in a flour sack) or abundant — they can be based on your budget. And it doesn’t have to sport a fancy logo across the chest to be effective. While I admit I do love to dress my daughter in cute things, my favorites are those that were lovingly handmade by family members and those that I bought at garage sales for a dime to a dollar.

Warm and soft also work well to cover the baby’s bottom. Add adequate absorbency and you’re good to go.

7. A mom without a wristwatch. At a baby shower friends threw for me, each guest was asked to write a bit of advice for the new mom. I still have the 3- by 5-inch index cards and enjoy rereading them from time to time. The most valuable tip came from my own mother: “Don’t believe everything you’re told or read.” That gave me license to promptly ignore one woman’s advice: “Put the baby on a schedule.” Addy sleeps when she is tired and eats when she is hungry. That kind of day allows me to enjoy my daughter and take advantage of another woman’s tip: “The housework will still be there when she is 18.”

While lack of a watch is helpful, a willingness to accept motherhood mistakes, learn from them and move on is crucial. I can claim expertise in this area; I’ve made my share of mistakes. A dose of common sense doesn’t hurt either.

6. Two loving parents who also love each other. I certainly understand that in some situations this simply isn’t possible. There’s no doubt that it is ideal, and no doubt that kids deserve ideal. When there’s love in the house, my hope is that the family will also provide the positive loving guidance kids need. Addy’s Great Grandma Powell, whose generation was generally more punitive than ours, wrote this straightforward tip on her baby shower index card: “Don’t spank.”

We’re fortunate that our children have a huge extended family, as well as two parents. Lots of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins mean plenty of love all around. An eager big sister and a full-time mom complete our picture.

5. A carseat. OK, it’s the only piece of plastic I deem essential. While I don’t advocate buying gear for no reason, this one is a must for the child who rides in a vehicle.

4. Books, lots of them. Addy owns more board books than our small-town library — no kidding. Toys come and go, and it’s no myth that children often enjoy the cardboard box and the bubble wrap more than the toy itself. (My husband likes to remind me that the Little House on the Prairie girls were happy with a corncob doll.) Books, however, last a lifetime. Some of Addy’s favorite gifts were my own childhood books, passed on to us by my teenage nieces and nephews after they had outgrown them. If budget is an issue, books don’t even need to be purchased. Borrowing books with a free library card fills the need.

3. A baby carrier. While I’m a big fan of my homemade slings, a pair of arms and maybe a hip or sturdy back work quite well. Even a bedsheet tied across the body works just fine. For primary use, I choose these over a stroller of any kind or any plastic baby bucket.

2. Supportive friends for you. I found many friends through my La Leche League group. I’m also lucky that my best grade-school friend turned out to be my version of supermom, and is still a good friend. If live bodies aren’t readily available, virtual substitutes can be found in Internet groups of like-minded parents. I also like to hear stories from real moms through subscriptions to useful magazines such as Mothering and New Beginnings.

After a hard day, only a mom friend could relate this tip that was recorded on one of my baby shower index cards: “Remember to keep your sense of humor. And know that you’ve done well if the baby is breathing with all the limbs attached at the end of the day.”

1. A committed mother who trusts herself and, even more important, trusts her baby. I’ve listened to countless, well-meaning grandmothers tell me how to take care of my baby, and even more strangers in check-out lines. It seems like I’ve read every book about how to raise children (92, to be exact). Some of those were helpful, others downright sadistic. But from all that I discovered only one truth: All I really need to be a successful mother … comes free with the natural package.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Baby Mama

I haven't even seen it yet, but I can already tell my favorite movie line:

Childbirth instructor: How many of you are planning for a natural childbirth?

[Most of class raises hands.]

How many of you are planning to use toxic Western medicines to drug your babies for your own selfish comfort?

[Amy Poehler's character whoops it up]


Oprah showed a clip.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Don't dumb it down for me.

The other day Addy's uncle mentioned a story in the news about a green puppy. Addy asked how it became green, and he said it was born that way. A few minutes later he told the same story to my sister and she asked the same question. This time he explained in detail the theory that the placenta's greenish color rubbed off on the puppy's coat in the womb. Addy (age 5) asked, "Why didn't you just tell me that?"

Don't worry, Uncle Jeff. It happens all the time.

Kids are short, and we assume they can't understand. In the name of making information age-appropriate, we go too far and dumb it down. I'd say the entire philosophy that Bob and I share for educating our children is based on the idea that they can understand. Maybe they don't catch every detail, but we expose them to all the facts.

People are often surprised at the things that come out of Addy's mouth — that she knows moths are nocturnal while butterflies are diurnal, and so on. While we think she is bright, other kids are just as intelligent. The difference is that we bother to give her real information.

This morning Addy was still thinking about the story of Daniel in the lion's den, which I read to her from Egermeier's Bible Story Book last week (great book!). Addy wanted to know why when she has heard the story before in other books or at Sunday School, they simply say that the men were jealous of Daniel, when really there's a lot more to the story.

We had a good chance to discuss this idea of dumbing things down for kids. It really bothers her. While she hasn't verbalized it this way, it seems as if she feels she is being cheated out of information just because she is a kid.

Addy told me, "Someday when I grow up, if I am a teacher I'll tell my kids the whole, whole, whole story!"

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Texas polygamy sect breastfeeding issue: It's about the babies.

Time magazine recently published another piece about the Texas polygamists in which the writer reported that, "For the nursing mothers, the judge offered a lesson in contemporary feminism ... ."

Caught in the middle is Texas judge Barbara Walther, who was asked to weigh
requests from the parents to hold twice-daily prayer meetings with the children
and to reunite nursing mothers with the 77 kids who are under age 2.

It's a complicated case and I don't pretend to know the details. Maybe the judge's decision to take these breastfed babies from their mothers was the right one, but her comment in the Time article is telling:

"Every day in this country there are thousands of mothers who, after six weeks'
maternity leave, must go back to work—and they deal with this issue."

That's where I begin to wonder. So that makes it right? While judges are professionals who are usually able to make reasonable decisions despite their personal experiences, in this case it sounds like Judge Walther is pretty short-sighted. Her glib comment tells me that while her decision may or may not be the right one, her logic is faulty. It almost sounds as if she herself is expressing some guilt about leaving a newborn baby to head back to work, or that maybe she has no children of her own, or that maybe she does and didn't get the support she needed to breastfeed successfully. I only hope I'm wrong.

What our society tends to forget it this: It's not about the nursing mothers. It's about the babies.

One report asked if the Texas mothers should have the right to breastfeed their babies. We hear this kind of thing all the time. Should women have the right to nurse in public? They're missing the point. Big time.

No one ever asks if the babies have the right to eat when and where they are hungry, or if the babies have the right to nutrition and comfort at their mothers' breasts.

An interesting note: A study presented to the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that lack of breastfeeding and mother-infant separation are both indicators of future risk of child abuse and neglect.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Throwing sand

I just discovered my photo of Addy throwing sand at Lake Michigan was used here: http://www.healthylakes.org/stories/photograph/2007/08/12/throwing-sand

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

You're just trying to get us to buy all your stuff.

Bob and I have apparently done a good job of raising a child aware of consumerism and not willing to let retailers do a mind-meld on her.

Addy, Dori and I were at the mall with my mother (we go to the mall rarely) and I decided to walk into Gymboree. The clerk greeted us with a super-cheesy, "We're still doing Gym-bucks!" as if I know what the buck that is.

She went on to tell us about all the great benefits we'd receive for spending at least $50 today (as if) and the discount we'd get off of $50 next time (big as if). Then, "And we just did a lot of markdowns, so there are sale items all over!"

Addy: "You're just trying to get us to buy all your stuff."

The clerk didn't even get the 5-year-old's sarcasm. So she went on to tell her, "Oh yes, there are lots of great buys today!"

When she said, "Girls, the TV is on in the back for you," that's when we left.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

"I could never teach my own children." And, "Schools give children socialization."

I hear these statements all the time, of course from people who seem to think homeschooling is equivalent to child abuse. Here was my recent response to a blogger who posed these questions ... er ... statements. She is a public school teacher.

I'm curious why you think you couldn't teach your own children. I used to think that myself. That's a common misconception about homeschooling and I think it goes back to the whole classroom mindset with which we were all raised. (I say "we" because I attended public schools.) That mindset had me thinking that the teacher holds the knowledge and dispenses it to the students.

Once my children were born and I began to explore their educational options, I met homeschoolers who helped me understand otherwise. In my family, I am not the only teacher. I simply facilitate my children's learning; we use the whole world as our classroom. My goal is to raise eager, independent learners who know how to use various tools to access the world. In short, I can teach simple addition facts without any additional resources other than what's in my head. I'll be honest: I will not be able to teach trigonometry with only the information stored in my brain. However, I will be able to facilitate my children's learning by directing them to the resources they need to learn. That might be a book (the first thing our classroom mindset allows us to think about) or something entirely different. Chances are it will be real-life learning.

Homeschooling has been quite an adventure for our family so far. I have been able to learn new things (or long forgotten facts) along with my children. It's family learning at its best.

You mentioned that public/private school can give children socialization and group skills. My opinion is this: Those are but two areas that are important for children to learn. I will not sacrifice the rest of my children's learning only so they can access socialization and learn group skills in a forum that I think is inferior anyway. Instead, I expose them to genuine social experiences.

Let me explain. One of my daughters is 5 years old. If I sent her to the public school two miles from my home, she would be in a kindergarten classroom all day, five days a week, with one teacher, maybe an assistant, and about 15 other 5-year-olds. (Their average class size is 15.8 students in the elementary school.) So from whom would my daughter be getting her socialization? From 15 other 5-year-olds. As a teacher, you may have spent time with a group of 15 5-year-olds recently. While I find them energetic and delightful, I don't think I need to explain any more. (But let me know if I do.)

Instead, I expose my daughter to real-world social situations. She gets far more chances to interact with our extended family that time would allow if she were in a classroom all day (great grandma, grandparents, aunts and uncles), and she interacts with real people each day ranging from our nice postmaster to the clerk at the grocery store and from the farmer down the road to our elderly neighbor. That's real life.

I worked in an office environment until my first child was born. Never did I work with a group of only 30-year-olds. I had to know how to work with a variety of people of all ages from all walks of life, from my 60-something secretary to the 20-something graphic designer I supervised and the 40-something advertising sales person.

We're an active family and that gives my children plenty of opportunities to interact with other children, too, all in settings guided by me and other caring adults. They include 4-H, a soccer team, Sunday School, gymnastics class and more.

There are two things my children cannot do well, and I blame it on homeschooling. They don't know how to stand in line, and they don't know to raise their hands and wait to be called on.

I can certainly do without those.

Monday, March 10, 2008

If you're going to slam an organization, at least get your facts straight.

Here's my letter to Misha Davenport, who wrote “To nurse or not? Moms feel pushed to nurse” in the March 7 Chicago Sun-Times. Basically, he used one source to say that La Leche League has a "pushier attitude" toward mothers. Judge the situation for yourself, but he really needed to use facts in his article. You surely know that I'm pushy, but the organization? No. It's right in its mission that it helps mothers who choose to breastfed. Heck, maybe it should be pushy. What if this headline read, "To use carseats or not? Moms feel pushed to safely buckle their children," and went on to say that some La Car Safety League pressured mothers to make the right choice for their children? Is that pushy? Or is it for the good of our babies?

I read your article “To nurse or not? Moms feel pushed to nurse” in the online edition of the Chicago Sun-Times. I’m sorry the mother Jami Brownlee feels as if she had a bad experience with La Leche League. Thank you for reporting that another mother found the organization “a godsend.” In my experience as a mother, I have found the latter to be the case for myself and many, many women and babies whose lives are positively impacted by volunteer La Leche League Leaders around the world.

As a former journalist in the trade press, I was surprised by your article. I was trained to avoid initiating a piece based on a single person with a bone to pick, and if I thought the issue was more rampant, I was to use more than one person as a source. You wrote, “Yet some moms say there's been a shift to a pushier attitude,” then go on to tell readers about one mother who feels that way. The second source mother believes the La Leche League group (not a chapter) was "a godsend."

The second mother seemed have a problem with hearing that one bottle feeding can cause nipple confusion. I’m thankful that she and her baby found that not to be the case. I personally experienced a similar situation with my first child in which that one bottle fed at the hospital did cause nipple confusion for my newborn girl. My baby and I struggled for the next six weeks to correct it. Thanks to a La Leche League Leader, we were able to overcome the bottle-caused nipple confusion. I’d be glad to share scientific data regarding the facts of nipple confusion if you like, including peer-reviewed medical journal articles proving it does happen. Thankfully, there are alternatives to “flushing” jaundice from a baby’s system and even if artificial feeding is used, there are alternatives to bottle feeds such as cups, spoons or syringes.

I appreciate that you attempted to approach this story from an unbiased perspective by interviewing both the mother who chose to bottle-feed and the La Leche League Leader. However, I wonder if you read the La Leche League Philosophy (pasted in full below). If you read it, you’ll find that what you reported is not what the philosophy says.

You wrote, “Some women have taken issue with parts of the organization's 10-point philosophy, including the assertions that mothers need to be alert and active during childbirth (no epidurals or drugs of any kind) … .” If you read the actual philosophy, you’ll find that the statement simply says active and alert participation is a help. It says, “Alert and active participation by the mother in childbirth is a help in getting breastfeeding off to a good start.” It mentions nothing about epidurals or drugs. Your interpretation is quite a leap. Even a woman who has a c-section — something most people would probably agree requires drugs — can find ways to have more active and alert participation. She may ask for a partial block when appropriate rather than general anesthesia (uncommon anyway); she may ask to hold the baby as soon as possible after birth; she may choose to nurse her baby in the recovery room rather than waiting. These are all ways to get some help from active and alert participation, drugs or not. Of course there are ways to get even more active and alert participation in birth that I’d be glad to share if you like.

You also claim La Leche League says, “… that they must breast-feed for at least a year and a half (the AAP recommends up to a year; the World Health Organization says two) … .” I’m not even sure where you may have received this information to be misinterpreted this way. I wonder if you partially read or skimmed the La Leche League statement about solid foods as I can’t figure out where else you would have gotten anything like this. That statement says, “For the healthy, full-term baby, breast milk is the only food necessary until the baby shows signs of needing solids, about the middle of the first year after birth.” That simply tells us babies don’t need extra foods such as baby food or cereal until about 6 months old. I’m curious if that is what was misread, or if it was something else.

Thank you for reporting the AAP and WHO recommendations, however, please note that the way you reported these was inaccurate. It’s evident you didn’t read the actual statements, which can be found by a simple Google search on the organizations’ web sites. You wrote, “… the AAP recommends up to a year … .” The actual policy from the American Academy of Pediatrics says, “It is recommended that breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired.” (Source: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;100/6/1035.) That is far different from “up to a year.”

The same goes for the World Health Organization statement. Please note the words “or beyond” in their strategy. In their Global Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding, the WHO asserts, “All mothers should have access to skilled support to initiate and sustain exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months and ensure the timely introduction of adequate and safe complementary foods with continued breastfeeding up to two years or beyond.” (Source: http://www.wpro.who.int/media_centre/fact_sheets/fs_20070801.htm.)

I appreciate your noting the needs of single mothers and lesbian couples. I agree these are important. However, you again misrepresented La Leche League philosophy. You wrote, “… and that a father's involvement is essential (sorry, single moms and lesbian couples).” As a writer, I’m sure you appreciate the nuances of words. Choosing to use different words than the La Leche League philosophy really says changes the meaning — and not only in a subtle manner. The philosophy actually uses words such as “enhanced” and “important.” Nowhere does it say it is essential. Actual statement: “Breastfeeding is enhanced and the nursing couple sustained by the loving support, help, and companionship of the baby's father. A father's unique relationship with his baby is an important element in the child's development from early infancy.”

Thanks for reading this.

Click to read La Leche League Philosophy.

Monday, February 25, 2008

I'm cramming an otter into a Pringles can.

These two statements will get me through some busy days:

"Someone once told me that homeschooling and being a full time homemaker, wife and mother is like 'cramming an otter into a Pringles can.' It's just darned near impossible. That's the way life is for me, but it's working."


"Sometimes I forget I'm in the business of raising children and not of getting things done. I have to keep checking on the children and their progress and not worry about how the house looks."


—homeschooling mother Amber Galbraith, as quoted by Connie Goff in the Maryville Daily Forum, Maryville, Mo., Feb. 20, 2008


Friday, February 22, 2008

Who needs Barney? Sparty is where it's at.

She's yelling, "There Sparty!"

If my head hasn't exploded yet, maybe it never will.

All this happened in one, 24-hour period. This is what 2-year-olds are like. Happy 2nd birthday, Dori!


First Dori shoved six toothbrushes down the bathroom sink drain before bed. The pop-up on the drain was broken, so she just saw a black hole of opportunity. This picture was taken the next night. She's showing me that she's NOT shoving her toothbrush down the drain.

After lunch I dared to take a phone call from a friend. In just a couple minutes she did this with her black marker. I told her that she's supposed to color on her paper. Her response? "I did!" Well, yeah, but ...

At night we went into the bathroom — again after only leaving her a couple minutes — to find a new $3.99 box of Q-tips all over the floor, wrapped up in three partially unravelled rolls of dental floss.
This evening she made mountains out of strawberry yogurt on the kitchen table while eating her snack. No picture. I can't stand it any longer.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Normal breastfeeding challenged again.

A mother in Florida stopped by her daughter's school so they could eat lunch together. She breastfeed her other child as they sat at the school picnic table. Can you guess where this one is going?

A teacher and the principal asked the mother to stop breastfeeding. Read the full story: http://www.sptimes.com/2008/02/17/Northpinellas/Nursing_mom_asked_to_.shtml

Here's the letter I e-mailed to the principal, with a copy to his secretary and superintendent.

Dear Dr. Whitney,

I read an article in the online edition of the St. Petersburg Times that disappointed me a great deal. I do hope you offer a sincere and personal apology to Alicia Norris and her children very soon if you have not done so already. If so, thank you.

I understand that a teacher complained about the mother breastfeeding her child at the school and that you and the teacher asked her to stop. While I’m thankful that the law protects the child’s right to breastfeed in public and I appreciate that the school board representative admitted you were “off base” (as reported in the article), it’s still disappointing that this happened.

I hope you realize how important it is to support children’s right to breastfeed in public for the sake of our children’s well-being, and not only for the sake of following the law. As an educator, I’m sure you do have all children’s well-being at the top of your list of priorities. Babies and young children need to eat just as older children and adults do in school cafeterias and elsewhere. Dr. Whitney, please realize that by asking the mother not to breastfeed, you were creating an annoyance for her, but the person you were really hurting was her toddler.

In the article, you said, "I asked her not to do it in front of small children." Dr. Whitney, small children probably see their younger siblings at home being breastfed all the time. If not, they should be exposed to what is biologically normal. I assume that some aspects of health and biology are part of your school’s curriculum and I’m sure that you strive to provide nutritional meals in your school lunches. Would a mother feeding her baby a bottle on your school grounds (contrary to everything science tells us about what’s normal for children’s health, biology and nutrition) have been subjected to the same scrutiny?

Dr. Whitney, I strongly encourage you to not only inform your teachers about the law, but educate them about the importance of breastfeeding (wherever a child is, whenever he needs to eat) for the healthy development of children. Breastfeeding is normal. It is not something to be relegated to bathrooms and closets. What is your plan for educating your staff?

I look forward to your response.

Thanks for
your time,

Sue
Breastfeeding mother

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Let the homeschooled kids speak.

We hear plenty from parents about what they think about homeschooling. Here are some awesome videos by homeschooled kids.

Announcing the winners of the Laurel Springs "What's Cool About Homeschool?" video contest.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

The choking-on-an-eraser freak-out.

One day after Dori suffered the mild concussion, I came real close to taking her to the ER again.

Yesterday afternoon I noticed something white in her mouth and then saw a mechanical pencil, sans eraser, lying on the floor. Rather than just tell her to spit it out, I did the stupidest possible thing. I stuck my finger in her mouth to retrieve it. I swept my finger across her tongue and managed to shove the eraser right down her throat. Seriously, I can't even believe how dumb and dangerous that was. They always say, if your child is choking and you need to sweep their mouth to remove the object, make real sure you see where it is so you don't make matters worse. Well I made matters worse.

She wasn't even choking, so I didn't need to do anything drastic at that point. At the point I saw it the eraser was still at the front of her mouth.

In a split second I tried to figure out what to do next. Should I try to stick two fat fingers in and get it out? (Don't worry, I ruled out that option.) Should I have her cough it up? Should I call 911? Should I have her swallow it down? Should I turn her upside down and shake? Have I ruined my baby?

I told her to cough and started hacking myself to show her how. She just looked at me funny and saw how scared I was, then started to cry. I figured she was breathing and then commonsense (finally!) set in and I realized that breathing is really good and that crying can't happen if the child is not breathing. The eraser was really tiny, and although they say a toddler's trachea is about the size of their pinky finger, it seemed like this would go down. I checked inside her mouth and it seemed like it must be down by now.

I tried to get her to drink water to make sure it was down and not lodged in her throat, but she was crying so hard by then she just wouldn't do it. So, again probably not the smartest move, but I was desperate, I offered her some medicine. She had been taking some for her headaches from the concussion and I knew she would be willing to swallow it. I gave her the smallest possible amount of liquid Children's Motrin just to get her to swallow something. Then she was willing to wash that down with big gulps of water.

I kept watching her all afternoon just to make sure she was OK.

I had in mind the time my friend's son swallowed a quarter. He was 5 and told his dad right away, who called the ambulance. The paramedics checked him out and said he was fine, but a couple days later he kept complaining his throat hurt and didn't even want to drink so his mom took him to the doctor. It was a good thing because the quarter had lodged in his throat. My friend showed me photos later and the coin was about the same size as his trachea. Fortunately it was in at an angle so he could still breathe. Had it tipped, who knows what would have happened? He had it surgically removed and all of us in our group were sure to hide the coins from the kids.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

The concussion freak-out.

I've spent the last two weeks of my life in an out of the hospital. I'm thankful it was just a kidney stone and nothing serious, but wow it was painful. It lodged and had to be surgically removed, then I'm apparently one of the few who react to removal of a uretal stent with intense kidney and bladder spasms. Those were no picnic either. And usually they go away quickly, but not mine.

This all comes as we're preparing to move across the state next week.

Today we had another trip to the emergency room, this time for Dori, who will turn 2 in a couple weeks.

She was running in wool socks on our wood floor when she fell and hit her head (on what I don’t know as I was on my knees in the kitchen cleaning Uncle Jeff's fabulous spaghetti casserole off the floor under her highchair after lunch). Dori cried, walked into the kitchen, then as soon as I got to her she flopped down on her face on the floor. I picked her up and she started having what looked like a seizure in my arms. Scary stuff. Just then Maggie walked in the front door to help us pack, so she drove us to the ER — only after getting stuck in the 13 inches of snow that fell in the driveway last night. Maggie was able to rock the car out and we got there. Dori has a mild concussion, but is back to acting like her old self. She was even asking to play the Elmo game on the computer within a couple hours of being home.

Maybe I shouldn’t have cleaned the wood floor today. If it were sticky as usual it might have given her some traction.

Addy didn’t see what happened either because she was cleaning spaghetti casserole off the office floor. I still don’t know how that got there, just that Dori was the culprit.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Can we play Helen Keller?

Bob and I have worked hard to expose the girls to characters from history, good characters in stories, and just plain people of character. We long ago banned Rugrats from our television screen, and along with them a slew of popular culture characters whose naughtiness is supposed to be cute. I love that Addy is obsessed with Laura Ingalls and interested in Johnny Appleseed.

Right now two sisters, also the children of careful parents, are here playing. One got bored with their activity, so she said, “Let’s play Helen Keller!” Another asked the third, “Can we play Helen Keller?”

They ran upstairs shouting, “Can I be Helen?”

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Does this make me a bad mother?

  • I give my toddler frozen Gogurt and tell her it’s ice cream.

  • When the girls receive new dolls with attached pacifiers or bottles, I break them off and pretend I don’t know what happened. Bob thinks the most recent one now perfectly meets our family goals of optimal infant feeding with appreciation for diversity: The baby has no bottle, but is now an African-American amputee. I didn’t mean for the whole forearm to break off. Really.

  • I’m too lazy put my toddler’s thumb in the thumb hole of her mittens.

  • I haven’t taught my 5-year-old to tie her shoes. And I have no plans to do so anytime soon. Do they make Velcro shoes for teenagers?

  • I feed Dori sunflower hearts to distract her while Addy and I do school — even though I know they’ll just end up wholly undigested in her diaper.

  • Usually I encourage the kids pick out their own outfits. And when I’m the one who picks out something that ends up looking funny, I pretend they did it.

  • I told Dori that Elmo (yes, the Sesame Street character) wants me to brush her teeth. Now she lets me.

Jesus is real. Santa is pretend.

So says Addy.

It’s New Year’s Eve and Addy was mad at me today. Out of nowhere (she often conjures up past events) she remembered that on Christmas Eve when we got home from church I told Dori it was time to get ready for Santa Claus to come, but I didn’t tell her anything about Jesus.

Of course my goal that night was solely to get Dori in her pajamas. After six days to process all this, apparently Addy recognized the whole Santa thing as a farce. Here I was concerned about whether she was really getting that the whole way-overboard gift thing wasn’t the point and she thought she needed to remind me.

I sat Addy on the couch and Dori stood front of me while I told Dori the whole story of Mary giving birth to Jesus, all the way through the flight into Egypt. Dori wasn’t listening. She was traipsing around the living room in the her new high-heeled plastic princess shoes from Aunt Jana. But my attempt was enough to appease Addy and she was satisfied that I had told Dori the truth.

Addy decided that while Jesus is real, Santa is pretend.

I’m still not sure what she thinks of the letter to Santa thing and how we watched his progress around the world through NORAD on Google Earth on Christmas Eve. She hasn’t yet asked what was up with that. Or who is this "Water Lily" elf person who e-mailed a response to her Santa letter.

As parents, Bob and I have never been big on the Santa stuff. When Addy was born we decided not to lie to her, but then strangers in the grocery store blew it up into a big mess of ho ho hos. "What's Santa bringing you, little girl?" "Are you excited Santa Claus will be coming soon?" "Have you been good for Santa?" (Talk about strings attached.)

So rather than burst the bubble, we went along with it. We got the annual picture on Santa’s lap, went to the Santa parades, wrapped presents in special wrapping paper that we had to hide in the back of the closet to pretend they were from Santa.

It really bugged me this year. I asked a like-minded friend how she handled it. She said her parents never lied to her, so she wasn’t about to lie to her children either. As a 4-year-old she asked her mother if Santa was real, and she told her he lives in the land of make-believe. I like that. Have fun pretending, but no lie is involved. Apparently when the grocery-store-Santa-myth-perpetuators ask her 2-year-old what Santa will be bringing her for Christmas, the little girl’s entire reply is, "Pshaw."

Monday, December 10, 2007

The joys of having a reader.

When I started teaching my daughter to read, I never imagined the pure joy it would bring to me. I knew it would be a lifelong skill that would bring her knowledge and pleasure; Bob and I are avid readers ourselves.

It's impossible to describe the pride I feel hearing her practice reading her lines for the church Christmas play. They're doing a readers' theatre this year and Addy has two parts. However haltingly her words are read, they are music to this mommy's ears.

"Fear not, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be
to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior,
which is Christ the Lord and this shall be a sign unto you: You shall find
the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."

and

"God wants everyone to be saved, and to come to the knowledge of the
truth."


The play is "No Strings Attached" by Arden Mead.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Please tell me this didn't really happen.

So I was giving the girls a bath when I noticed two faint red arcs on Dori's little, fleshy, toddler bottom. On closer inspection, I determined these to be teeth marks.

"Addy! Did you bite your sister's butt?!?"

"No."

"Let me see your teeth! Open your mouth!" Hmm, the marks on Dori's butt looked remarkably similar to Addy's bite pattern — a tiny little space at the top, the bottom teeth angled in ever so slightly.

"Addy, you are not allowed to lie to your mother. Did you bite Dori's butt!?!"

"Yes," she said meekly, then added:

"But she liked it."


Dori spent the next two hours pointing to the spot, saying, "Addy bite butt. Addy bite butt."


My head really is going to explode.

Monday, November 19, 2007

You were bottlefed!

I met a mother of five breastfed boys tonight who said the biggest insult her kids throw at each other when bickering is, “You were bottlefed!”

They weren’t, of course, but I guess that has replaced, “You belong to the milkman” or “Mom and Dad found you in a box.”

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Better than a pocketful of posies.

Cutest video ever. This was on a nice, sunny October 17.

The girl or boy section.

“If I ever work in a store and I'm the owner of it, I would change the girl and boy sections to a girl or boy section and a boy or girl section.”

— My 5-year-old daughter, Addy, who has noticed that for some strange reason the clothes in the boy section have dinosaurs and tractors on them and the clothes in the girl section have butterflies and kitties. But she says she draws the line at boys wearing dresses. And for the record, she loves dinosaurs, tractors, butterflies and kitties.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Dori's waterbirth.

Water has always been soothing to me. I grew up on a big farm with a swimming pool in the middle of it. From infancy on, I spent a lot of time in that pool. I’m the youngest of 8 kids so there was always someone to watch me as I first learned to swim without arm floaties, then progress to tricks like doing back flips off the diving board. A couple weeks ago my mom joked that I practically lived in my bathing suit in the summertime. My sister Beth let her know that I really did. That was news to Mom; she often sent me to change and I came back with clothes or pajamas on top of my bathing suit. I would swim all day, sleep in my bathing suit, then get up and do it all over again. When Mom sent me to get ready for church, I’d take a bottle of shampoo to the pool. Often I would just float. I could even fall asleep floating on my back in the pool. So peaceful.

In the first house my husband and I bought, my bathtub was my refuge when I had pre-menstrual cramps. The water relieved enough weight and pressure that I felt better as long as I was in the tub. That was a short, shallow little tub with rust stains from our rural well water. But it was still a haven.

When I became pregnant with our first daughter, Addy, it was back to the tub. I have a newspaper from the day she was born. A front-page headline reads, “Hottest summer on record.” My heavy, hot pregnant body again found refuge in the cool water.

My non-water, hospital birth
Addy was born in a hospital — I never heard of anything different. It was wonderful because my beautiful Addy came out of it, but once I learned I had options, I would never go back to a hospital to birth again. Intervention led to intervention and I was left with a newborn who couldn’t latch (many factors, but our birth experience didn’t help) and a spinal headache that pounded for a week every time my head was higher than my feet. My water broke before I went to the hospital, so my labor was augmented with Pitocin. (Had I been left alone I think I still would have delivered well within 24 hours, a guideline to prevent infection that I disagree with anyway since they stuck their hands in to “check” me many times, surely introducing new bacteria each time.) The Pitocin brought on hard and fast contractions that had me asking for relief, so I was given Demerol — yes, a narcotic. With all my reading, classes and prenatal visits, I had never been educated about what the stages of birth felt like, so the intensity of transition had me asking for an epidural. I thought, “This is what birth must be like.” I thought that part would never end. The anesthesiologist was unable to get the needle into the space in my spine, so I didn’t have an epidural anyway, only the lovely spinal headache afterward.

Fortunately Addy came out easily. Good thing because I was flat on my back in a hospital bed. I didn’t even really push with her. The doctor wasn’t there yet and the nurse told me to wait. I didn’t, and after three little pushes — none of them really bearing down — she was out and the doctor was there to catch her.

We moved to a new part of the state when Addy was 14 months. Our new house has a pool in the backyard, so Addy is quickly taking on my love of the water.

Planning for waterbirth
When I became pregnant with Addy’s little sister, Dori, I called the midwife in our community. When I heard she had a waterbirth tub, I was ecstatic. I had heard of waterbirth. I remember seeing a news report about it on TV in the ’80s. I didn’t think it was something real people did though. I had no idea it would be an option for me.

We’re lucky our midwife had the portable pool from Waterbirth International. As a rural midwife she couldn’t afford the tub herself, but a previous client had purchased it for her in lieu of payment.

Later when doing some reading in preparation for Dori’s birth (the right books this time, not the silly girlfriend and what-to-expect books I read before Addy’s birth) I read The Birth Book by William and Martha Sears. Martha is mother of 8 and a registered nurse. She compared laboring in water to taking Demerol, saying that both took the edge off. I was already game for waterbirth, but this was sounding even better.

I found a Yahoo group dedicated to homebirth and many of the women had used or were planning to use waterbirth tubs. We shared good information and stories.

Dori’s waterbirth
Because Addy was born 11 days before her due date, I was certain Dori would be early, too. Dori’s due date was February 22. As Valentine’s Day approached, I began to get impatient. After a few more days I think I had actually given up on her ever being born. Silly, I know. I knew that due dates are simply best guesses, and I knew the baby could be born into early March and still be well within safe and normal ranges. Still, I was anxious. I went from wanting to get the baby out of me so I would feel better to only wanting to hold the baby and meet him or her.

I never felt Braxton-Hicks contractions. I didn’t with Addy either, so I didn’t let it bother me too much. I did have the lingering thought that maybe I had them with Addy and didn’t know it, but I figured as an experienced mom I should know this time.

Just before Bob got home from work on Monday, February 20, I hopped on the Internet for information about postdates babies and how to tell if the placenta is still supporting them well. I knew it was too early to worry, but I gave myself something little to worry about throughout the pregnancy. (Doesn’t everybody?) This was the concern du jour. While there, I decided to read more about the lack of Braxton-Hicks contractions and if this meant anything. I knew the answer, but it felt better to read what other women experienced. If it had been a true concern, I would have called our midwife.

On Tuesday, February 21, I woke at about 6 a.m. for one of my frequent potty trips. This time was different though. I was pretty sure my water broke, but it wasn’t a huge gush so I didn’t wake up my husband, Bob. It was clear and odorless, not to mention right on time. When Bob woke up, I told him and he asked if he should go to work. By then I felt confident we would be having a baby instead.

It’s hard to remember the rest of the details as I’m finishing this story 15 months later. I remember that I labored all day, with the contractions getting closer together and more intense. In between I made the birth announcements, leaving the inside blank to fill in the details. I sat a lot on my big exercise ball. Gentle bouncing and rolling felt better.

My sister Anita was here to take care of Addy during the birth. We wanted Addy to be part of it, but we also wanted someone to focus on her since our attention would be divided. Anita ended up with one of her migraines, so we called another of my sisters, Carol, to come over. She lives just over an hour away so they were both there for Addy.

The birthing tub had been at our house for two weeks since Deb, our midwife, finished attending another birth. We set it up in our bedroom a week before Dori’s birth. That day I was anxious for them to get it filled up. She didn’t have a heater, so I knew that if filled it too early it might cool off. Once Deb and my husband filled it, I pretty much hopped into the water as soon as she suggested I could.

At one point I invited Addy to join me in the water. She played around in it for awhile, and then I had her get out.

As the labor progressed, there was pain. It turns out I had an anterior lip of cervix that wasn’t opening on its own. I remember shouting, “Owww!” My midwife said, “Ow?” I was thinking, “Yes, ow. Haven’t you ever attended a birth before?” She was the wise one and knew I shouldn’t be experiencing pain, so she asked lots of questions to determine the exact source and diagnosed the lip.

While I don’t have anything to compare it to because I only experienced the anterior lip this time, I think the water helped a lot. I was free to move around and the water let me move however I wanted. The only thing I couldn’t really do was put my head down and bottom up in the air to take the baby’s weight off and help the anterior lip resolve, so I got onto the bed for awhile for that. It wasn’t comfortable, so I got back in the tub and felt better.

Later Deb offered to check me, and at that time she was able to manually pull open the lip with her hand. Relief! It also broke another spot of my amniotic sac, so more fluid came out.

While laboring, I kept my focus on the clock that I could see in our adjacent bathroom. I focused on the round shape. I kept my lips in a circle, and tried to envision my cervix opening up into a big circle, just like the clock. I hadn’t planned to find a focal point, but it was right in my line of sight and worked well.

I was able to move around in the water into various positions. Sometimes I leaned back with my knees floating up into the air. Other times I knelt forward with my forehead on the edge of the tub. It was easy to change positions even though my pregnant body was huge and moving on land was cumbersome.

By 11:30 p.m. I was in intense labor. Bob and Deb joked that if I could wait half an hour, the baby would be born on my oldest brother’s birthday. I felt like punching them in the nose. At one point I actually did tell them to shut up. I’m glad that both know what a woman says in labor might not be something she would otherwise say.

Addy was downstairs with my sisters because I needed quiet to concentrate. When I was ready to push I asked Bob to bring her up. My sisters were also there to witness the birth.

I did end up birthing Dori on my brother Duane’s birthday, which also happened to be Dori’s due date. She was born at about 12:40 a.m. I remember pushing HARD in the water for a few minutes. I pushed so hard and felt the baby come down the birth canal, so I thought sure she was almost out, maybe only hanging by the feet. I yelled, “Can’t you just pull her out?!?” and Deb said, “You’ve got to do this, Sue.”

Bob said, “You ARE doing it,” which was just what I needed. I heard Addy’s little voice say, “Good job, Mama.” Deb checked and said the baby’s shoulders were rotating, so once I knew what was happening I had the strength to keep going. I pushed really, really hard, and kept pushing.

Finally Dori was out. She was born in water into her daddy’s loving arms, with her big sister watching every moment. I couldn’t ask for anything better. That two of her aunts and my midwife, now a friend, were there made it even more special.

Dori was a little blue at first, so Deb deftly milked the cord blood with its life-giving oxygen back into her and she pinked right up. It seemed like forever and I was asking, “She’s OK, right Deb?” with Deb not responding since all her attention was rightfully on Dori. My sister says it was only about 5 seconds before she was pink and healthy. Deb had oxygen on hand, as well as other emergency tools that she didn’t need to use.

I brought Dori to my breast, Bob undid my nursing bra, and she began to nurse like a champ. Addy came over and gave Dori her first kiss.

As she nursed I delivered the placenta, then Deb showed Bob where to cut the cord.

I entered a picture of us gathered around Dori, still in the tub, in a contest. It was selected as a winner by the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action. Their hope is to educate people that a million babies’ lives can be saved if every baby is breastfed within the first hour of life. I titled the photo “Dori’s First Minute: Breastfeeding at Waterbirth.” See it at: http://worldbreastfeedingweek.net/wbw2007/wbw_2007_photo_contest.htm

Later we all snuggled into bed as I nursed Dori to sleep for the first time.

My sisters stayed awhile to help with Addy and meals so I could concentrate on Dori, then my mom came and helped for a week. Everyone was surprised how chipper I was. I was able to get up and get dressed from the beginning. Sure I was tired, but I wasn’t wrung out like a dishrag. It was truly a gentle birth for everyone. So that’s what normal birth is like!

With Addy’s hospital birth, I had a small tear that required a stitch or two — and she was only 6 pounds. Dori was a 9-pound baby and I had only a superficial tear. The water must have made the difference.

If we are blessed with another baby, he or she will be born in water, in my home, where I am in control.

After the birth
One of my friends thought birthing at home might be messy. It wasn’t. Deb strategically placed pads throughout our bedroom and we had a shower curtain ready to use as a tarp on the carpet. The only mess was my own fault. I read that some people keep their baby’s placenta. I decided we would keep Dori’s and plant it in our front yard with a special tree over it once our Michigan winter was over. I planned ahead and set out a bucket with a lid so we could freeze the placenta until springtime. I managed to choose a bucket with a crack in the bottom, so our carpet still shows a couple blood stains. It was worth it. Dori’s redbud tree is flourishing in the yard. It is as tall as she is. The redbud is a perfect tree since she is a little red-haired girl.

The funniest thing about our home waterbirth was that we had to do something with the 100-plus gallons of water and associated blood and stuff once we were done. Deb said we could pump it into the toilet, but unbeknownst to me, my husband just sent it out the bathroom window. We live in town, our tub was in our second-story bedroom, and there was snow on the ground. I’m just glad no one walking by could have possibly guessed what was coming out of the hose.

My football-player nephew attends college just down the road, so he was the first to come visit the morning Dori was born. Our midwife seized the opportunity to have him carry the tub in its carrying case out to her car. Later he asked what had been in the big black case. He was grossed out to learn it was the birthing tub.

Co-bathing
Dori is now a toddler. As a baby she only used her little plastic baby bathtub three or four times. Each time she screamed. She has had a few showers with Bob or me, but mostly we bathe in the big tub. I remember being scared to bathe with Addy when she was an infant. How would I hold that slippery little body? The morning after Dori was born, my midwife had us bathe together with an herbal infusion in the water. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, co-bathing, what could be more natural?

We teach sign language to Dori, now 15 months old, so we can communicate before she can talk well. One of her first dozen or so signs was BATH. She loves our bathtime together. It’s cute to watch her rub her two little fists on her chest every morning, signing BATH, BATH, BATH. I think, “Baby, you were born in the bath!”



Dori is on the “I Was Born in Water!” list on the Waterbirth International web site at: http://www.waterbirth.org/mc/page.do?sitePageId=38562&orgId=wi

Monday, November 12, 2007

States I have visited.



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

Countries I have visited.



create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

The site says I've visited 3% of them.

My husband has turned lactivist.

So I was up on a ladder painting the bedroom when my husband and little girls came home from a dad-and-me breakfast put on by the local early childhood agency. The girls were happy to see me. I was happy to see them all. But Bob was the one grinning.

The girls went off to play and he began to unload the contents of his pockets. A toy baby bottle, stolen from the playgroup. By him. Thief.

Another one.

Another.

Lined up in a neat row on the bed.

Six toy baby bottles, removed from circulation, in hopes that one more little child will know breastfeeding to be the norm.

They went in the trash.

And he doesn't even lactate.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Favorite t-shirt sayings.

If we wore t-shirts with words on them, here are some that fit our family. Most are from CafePress.

For Sue

I homeschool because I’ve seen the village and I don’t want it raising my children.

I homeschool because I don’t believe in the mass production of human beings.

I’m not talking to myself. I’m having a parent-teacher conference.

Epidurals are for sissies.

I make milk.
What’s your superpower?

Hospitals are for sick people.
Birth belongs at home.

Weapons of mass lactation.

All Night Milk Bar

For Addy

I am in school right now, and you’re talking during class.

Yes, I’m homeschooled.
I’ll try to use small words.

For Dori

Waterborn baby.

My midwife helped me out.

Born at home.

Happy homeborn baby.

I had a gentle birth.
I was born in water!

Splish, splash
I was born in the bath.

Catch the wave.
Water birth.

Jesus was breastfed.

Don’t be a weaner.

For Bob

Dads who change diapers rule.

My wife homeschools our kids.
And yes, this is my only clean shirt.

My wife gave birth at home. On purpose.
Now ask your silly questions.

Why wouldn’t I want to see more breasts in public?
(I support nursing moms.)

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Vacation Education: Epcot


My friend Corinne published a book and I helped her with the design. My daughter Addy is also on the cover — the little girl in the top right wearing a light blue shirt.
Check out my friend's web site at http://www.vacationeducationbooks.com.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

This is from the e-newsletter of Living Books Curriculum, a homeschool company that offers products based on the methods British educator Charlotte Mason used to help children learn in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

Charlotte Mason said that a method implies a mental image of the object. In other words, what you picture and think on tends to come to pass. Do this: picture in vivid detail what your child is like grown. What are the qualities, the character traits, the activities you would like to see your child doing? Write all this down in full. Yes, it will take effort, but you will only need to do this once. When I did it, it produced a radical readjustment of my thinking. Good thing, as I was locked into traditional educational methods and could only imagine my daughter "doing well" in college. When I got the full Technicolor picture of character, life skills, enjoyments, spiritual growth, and "doing well" in college; then, Charlotte Mason and her method began to makes sense as the only way to achieve such a wonderful goal.

I don't know that I agree that the Charlotte Mason method is the only way to get there — friends who home educate their children in other ways seem to be doing well — but I really appreciate the idea of thinking of Addy's and Dori's futures in full detail, well beyond just doing well in college. For me, homeschooling is definitely harder than sending them away to school, but this thought makes it all worthwhile.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The lesson.

Addy didn't want to stay in her bed tonight. After coming downstairs twice, she crawled up on my lap and told me, "You might laugh about this, but I don’t want you to: This might teach you a lesson."

"A lesson about what?" I asked as I buried my face in her hair to hide my laughter.

"A lesson that you should let me sleep with you more often."

She went to bed. In her bed.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

She mitered the corners.

Addy wrapped a present last night for her friend, Gabrielle's, 4th birthday party. She asked me to cut off the appropriate amount of wrapping paper, then she took it from there — all by herself — while I left the room to do something else. She even mitered the corners.

Sometimes people say, "Wow! How did Addy learn to _________ (insert any skill that it doesn't seem like a 5-year-old would know how to do yet)?"

The answer is usually simple: I let her try.

Addy was 2 when she started to tear off unnecessarily long strips of tape to stick onto Christmas gifts. Most of them ended up being decorative rather than serving any adhesive function. No problem.

By the time she was 3, she was wrapping gifts all by herself. They looked as if they were wrapped by a 3-year-old, but that was OK.

Now today, she wrapped a gift that looked as pretty as if her father had wrapped it all by himself. (It's not perfect, but it was her process.) And she even mitered the corners.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

The baby gets to stir.


It occured to me recently that Dori is becoming her own little person. No longer a tag-a-long, she has her own interests (shoes, balls and sweets) and desires (wearing shoes, playing with balls and eating sweets). So I let her stir the barbecue sauce.

Up until now, Addy has had all the chances to do everything, and Dori was a (noisy) accessory, often riding on my back or in a sling. On this day two weeks ago I let Dori stir the pot while Addy watched. It was quite a change for Dori, and she clearly loved it. She was pretty proud of herself and now likes to be a helper with everything.

From my local public school district web site:

Studies have shown that students learn faster and become more self-reliant when they are taught one-to-one.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Dori went poopy in the potty!

Dori pooped in her little potty tonight. I thought I better write it down somewhere before she is 18 years old and realizes we forgot to write down any details of her life past 12 months.

At only 5 years old, firstborn Addy already has four big scrapbooks chronicling her life. There's probably less biographical detail in some presidential libraries. I wrote down the exact date each of her teeth emerged. We have photo spreads not only of the big events, but even of everyday visits to the park. And her own blog.

My sister took pictures of Dori in front of Air Force One as it landed carrying the late President Gerald R. Ford, but even those haven't made it into a scrapbook. Oh, I have a big stack of good intentions and even materials to make Dori's first-year scrapbook. It's still empty.

I suppose it's nothing new. My mother wrote nice notes in my oldest brother Duane's baby book. Dale, child No. 4, has some of his filled in. Mine (I'm child 8 of 8) has only a few entries, and those were written in by to of my sisters, one of whom was only 7 years old. I guess the idea of recording a baby's every move gets less and less important with subsequent children.

Though I'll probably forget the date, Dori's first poop in her potty is a milestone. One of these days I'll have to accept the fact that she's not a baby anymore, but rather a toddler. By the time I get used to that she'll be a preschooler.

She's only 19 months old and in the wisdom gained in my 5 whole years of mothering, I have come to realize there's no need to rush the whole potty thing. She seemed a little interested in the big potty, so I put a little one out several weeks ago. Addy has been anxious to help her baby sister learn how to poop in the potty, so the mother lode Dori finally deposited tonight was pretty exciting to her. Addy has been coaching Dori whenever she chooses to sit on the potty. She squats down and says, "Like this, Dori!" as she grunts and strains and pretents to make a bowel movement. Her face even gets red.

And once again, it turns into a story about Addy.

I'm sorry, Dori. I really am.