The Incompetent Housewife

Had the F-bomb and A-bomb dropped on me all in one day

2012-01-13T19:28:00.002-05:00

We took our sons to a long-awaited day of appointments at a major university hospital (seven months long awaited). We brought our boys into the family knowing full well each had a multitude of challenges. We've had months and months to get to know their strengths and their quirks. So it came as little surprise to hear the diagnoses: One has full-blown Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The other has classic Autism.

After hours of examinations and tests, the nurse practitioner conferred with the doctors, then returned to us to share the news. Then, while my husband took one boy down the hall for further testing, she stuck around with me making conversation. After it became evident she wasn't going to rush off to see another patient, I realized her job was to help the parent process the devastating news.

Thing is, I didn't find the news surprising or devastating. I suppose things would be very different if I carried a child in my womb, expecting to bring a perfect baby into the world. Our path is different though. We had our perfect babies, then chose foster care because we were ready to take on children society left behind.

Still, the NP used some caring words that actually did cause me reflect and even shed some tears. She said it must be frightening to hear such serious diagnoses. No, I explained. "OK, so you knew they weren't headed for Harvard, but you had hope," she surmised.

"I still have hope," I shared, "but it's tempered with a dose of reality."

What I was feeling was anger. Anger at birthparents whose actions damaged these boys' brains. My boys. My sons.

I thought I had processed all those feelings.

The Great Pumpkin Meltdown

2011-10-09T10:11:00.001-04:00

When you're a foster parent, the kids in your care have been through some pretty wild stuff and they don't always have the language to tell you about it.

Little Dude apparently didn't see much fruit before he joined our family. For the first several months, every time (every time) he saw a piece of round fruit within reach he would announce, "Ball!" and launch said fruit across the room. Apples. Oranges. Tomatoes. Watermelon.

This is very taxing when your custom is to leave a fruit bowl on the table. Embarrassing when your friends and family do the same.

He now understands that an apple is food. This is after many sessions of me demonstrating, "No ball. Eat. See? Yummy!" and showing him how we cut into it and eat the pieces. An apple is still fun to throw, but now it tastes good, too. Tomatoes, potatoes, watermelon, oranges, those are still tossing toys.

This week we stopped by a roadside stand to grab some apples. I left the little ones in the car, walked the 10 feet to drop my payment in the honor box, and returned to find Little Dude wailing, kicking and screaming in his carseat. Between sobs he was pleading, "Ball!?"

Did he want an apple? No. I followed his eyes and realized we had pulled into a roadside stand in October, gaily decorated with what to him were an astounding number of orange balls. Big orange balls. Little orange balls. Huge orange balls. Tiny orange balls. Orange balls with faces. Orange balls on straw bales. Orange balls with scarecrows.

This boy LOVES balls. And I was the witch who wouldn't let him out of the car to have the time of his life throwing balls around at the great orange ball playground.

The Toothbrushing Song

2011-08-21T23:32:00.001-04:00

I've decided to put the lyrics to my new song in the public domain, a gift to all parents.

Sing it to the tune of the Jingle Bells chorus.

Ready?

Brush your teeth,
Brush your teeth,
Brush your teeth today!

Brush 'em, brush 'em, brush 'em, brush 'em
Brush them every way. Hey!

Brush your teeth,
Brush your teeth,
Brush them all right now!

You act like you're being tortured,
But I swear to God you're not.

What I've learned this month about adopting hurt kids

2011-07-12T10:11:00.001-04:00

That people want to hear things are getting better, even when they're not. So you stop saying this kid is hurting inside. That he has hurts that aren't ever going to heal. And when they ask for the third time today if he's doing better when you've already said twice that he's not, you say yes. And watch the worry melt from their foreheads.

That people don't like to hear the words mentally retarded. Even when it's true. They prefer to think about developmental delays and learning challenges. Some kids need extra time to learn to talk, you know. He's just never been given a chance, you know. As if a brain damaged by drugs and alcohol, abuse and neglect is something a child can erase if only given enough love. As if this broken child will ever be whole.

That you can take a child into your home, shower him with everything little boys need and deserve, and he can still act out in ways you can't even mention in good company. In horrible, terrible, disgusting ways. And it doesn't only make him difficult to love, but hard as hell to like. And you wonder if you're ever going to like this kid. If anybody can ever like this child. But you keep going, and hope that you'll be the first.

Saving Henry, or, An Afternoon with a Rose-Breasted Grosebeak

2011-05-09T20:48:00.002-04:00

This afternoon I was pushing Little Dude on the swing and adjusting the trapeze bar to the perfect height for Cherry Pie when I saw our yearling cat Bo, scurry alongside the house with something in his mouth. I nudged closer, wondering if it was the large brown bat that had been flying around a few days in broad daylight, worrying me with thoughts of rabies on wings.

When I approached I saw this. Or rather, an even sadder version of this. A beautiful rose-breasted grosebeak ooking limp and quite possibly dead.

I shooed away the cat -- repeatedly -- and summoned 8-year-old Addster to fetch Baby Boy's toy basket, sans toys I called for Cherry•Pie to bring the porch broom, which I wielded to keep Bo the cat at a distance.

Then Addster returned, upturning the basket over the bird to give it shelter for recovery. We waited and periodically checked on the birdie, each time finding him a little stronger. Our newest foster son Little Dude, who is Obsessed With Birdies, by now left the coveted yellow swing and found this part of the rescue exceptionally entertaining Eventually we realized that not only could the birdie hop a little, but Little Dude actually may begin to pose more of a danger than the feline predator. I pictured George with the bunny.

So off we went down the road. The middle of the road, which you can do in the countryside to find a new home for the biedie that didn't feature a still- hungry cat perched in the branches of the cedar overhead. (We offered cat food, the cheap grocery store dry variety, but kitty wasn't having it.)

First we gave everyone a chance to briefly and gently pet the birdie, who by now was christened Henry. I had already googled to learn that imprinting human smell is only a major concern with juvenile birds.

Finally Henry hopped away, with a bit of a leftward tilt, only to circle around and rest on my shoe. (Yes, those are my pajama pants. At 3 in the afternoon. Why do you ask?)

Then Little Dude freaked out because he wanted one last chance to see the birdie! birdie! birdie! Which was OK because I remembered forgetting to show him to Baby Boy who was riding on my back in my Ergo Baby Carrier the whole time.

So Addster scooped up Henry one more time. When he bit her, we figured that was a clear sign he was feeling better and ready to go.

This time Henry hopped into a clump of trout lilies, then flitted over a mass of red trillium and wood violets. Satisfied Henry was happier, we bid him adieu. Until Grandma pulled into our driveway, at which point the children insisted upon bringing her to the woods and repeating the whole farewell ceremony.

Enjoy your new home, Henry Grosebeak.

Embarking on the foster care journey

2010-02-22T11:33:00.004-05:00

About 20 minutes ago the county Department of Human Services van left our driveway, and it in is our foster care licensing worker and all the paperwork needed to certify us as foster care providers for the state.

It's exciting and scary at the same time.

In a month or two we expect the state to have approved our license, then we'll be on the list of families ready and willing to accept foster children into their homes.

Then, someday, we'll get the call.

I feel so many emotions all at once. Blessed, that we have a safe, loving home in which to care for children in need. Proud, that my husband and I share the same values and really want to do this — together. Anxious, about the realities of how this will affect our children. Frightened, that we may encounter a child whose needs are so great we may not be able to handle them. Or that we will. Sad, even angry, that children are treated in such a way that they need to be removed from their homes. Content, that this is what we are called to do.

ChicagoNow, tear down this wall! (ad)

2009-12-21T14:16:00.004-05:00

Another blogger posted a picture of a billboard advertising ChicagoNow publications that says:
"Breastfeeding in public is tacky! Seriously, how hard is it to find a bathroom, mommies?"

Here's my e-mail to the ChicagoNow staff. I hope it and other letters get some quick action.

Dear ChicagoNow staff,

I understand that you purchased outdoor advertising promoting your blogs. One of the comments posted at the Armitage stop on the El reads, “Breastfeeding in public is tacky! Seriously, how hard is it to find bathroom, mommies?” This comment is discriminatory and should be removed immediately.

I get the idea behind the ad campaign. It’s clever, really. You’re posting reader comments and intend for them to incite discussion and interest people in your publications. It’s a good idea. However, the breastfeeding comment goes way too far. I know that you posted a counterpoint board later that says, “Breastfeeding in public is no big deal. Anyone who thinks otherwise should grow up.” While I appreciate the gesture, it’s not nearly enough. The original comment must be removed.

I’d like you to please think about the inflammatory breastfeeding comment in another way. What if a user posted a similarly written comment that discriminated against people other than nursing mothers and babies? Would you use it as an ad? Instead of breastfeeding women, let’s say one of these boards had a similarly worded discriminatory comment about another group of people.

Imagine this:
“Black people are so tacky! Seriously, how hard is it to find a seat at the back of the bus, people?”

Or this:
“It’s weird to see lesbians walking around in public together. Seriously, how hard is it to just stay home where I don’t have to look at you?”

Even if a user submitted these comments (and I truly hope they wouldn’t!), would ChicagoNow choose to use them as ads? I sure don’t think so!

You should also know that breastfeeding in public is a right that is protected by law in the state of Illinois. So by posting an ad that could have passersby thinking, “Yeah, I think breastfeeding in public is tacky so maybe I should suggest a bathroom next time I see a woman nursing,” you are encouraging people to violate the law. As you can read in the Right to Breastfeed Act, it’s illegal for a woman not to be allowed to breastfeed in public

Would you post an ad that encouraged people to think about violating another law via a similar comment? “Driving the speed limit is a drag! Seriously, why not just go 95 mph on the Kennedy?” or “Paying taxes bugs me! Seriously, how hard is it to hide that extra income?”

I don’t think I need to bore you with studies about the importance of breastfeeding, that a hungry baby has a biological imperative to nurse, or that we see far more breast tissue on a summer day on Navy Pier than we ever do when women are breastfeeding. I realize this comment isn’t necessarily your belief, only that of a single commenter on the site. But ChicgaoNow, you are the gatekeeper, and you have chosen to allow an inflammatory comment to be posted for all to see.

Please, remove the discriminatory anti-breastfeeding billboard now. I look forward to your response.

Signed,
Me
(formerly of Hoffman Estates)

Update!
I received this positive response. Thanks!

Hi Sue,

We appreciate your detailed letter in response to the ChicagoNow ad. The campaign has expired and has been taken down. You are correct that the goal of the campaign was to incite discussion and get Chicagoans talking, and we understand how the approach might be viewed negatively. We will keep your comments in mind when we approach our next advertising campaign.

Thanks again,
Jill

My simple mother's daybook

2009-08-25T21:32:00.004-04:00

Outside my window ... the apple tree has lots of fruit, but after years without maintenance has grown scraggly. I hope we can produce edible apples next year.

I am thinking ... about how tired I am.

I am thankful for ... my husband, who just pushed the girls on the swing and took them for a walk to the end of the woods so I could get a break.

From the learning rooms ... I'm making plans for next year. I reviewed our Noeo Chemistry I curriculum and am ordering the last pieces we need for Sonlight Core 2.

From the kitchen ... When I'm done online, I'm going to make some chocolate chip cookies. Because I want them.

I am wearing ... my favorite shirt from Target. (Not my favorite shirt in the world, but the best from there.)

I am creating ... a new home for our family as we settle in and continue to get the boxes unpacked.

I am going ... to take the girls to the farm tomorrow for some swimming and maybe fishing.

I am reading ... "7 Kinds of Smart: Identifying and Developing Your Multiple Intelligences" by Thomas Anderson. I am linguistic smart and spatial (visual) smart.

I am hoping ... that the "good" showing our real estate agent reported to us yesterday turns into an offer.

I am hearing ... Weird alien noises. Bob and the girls are watching a Star Wars DVD.

Around the house ... the kitchen and bathrooms are pretty well organized. The rest is ... not.

One of my favorite things ... is eating fresh food. Bob dropped off vegetable bulletins at several Amish farms today and one gave him an orange seedless watermelon that we had with our dinner. It was tasty.

A few plans for the rest of the week are ... fixing the picnic table, bolting the barn door track back up, and maybe working on the chicken coop.

Here is picture thought I am sharing ... Addy told me she was bored, so I pulled out one of my Mom's tricks. If we ever dared to say we were bored when we were kids she'd always say, "Well there are always calf pens to be cleaned out!" The difference is, I always found something else to do and promptly to avoid pitching manure. I told Addy that if she was bored the chicken coop could be pitched out, so she did! She helped Bob get the old (well-composted) manure for our garden. We're doing lasanga gardening to get this patch ready for next year.

Homeschooling books are like shoes

2009-07-31T14:07:00.002-04:00

I'm hoping to win a $50 gift certificate to my favorite homeschool supply company with this tip I submitted for their anniversary contest. For the record, I'm in love with Rainbow Resource Center. They carry just about everything (the catalog is like 3 inches thick), and I've stopped comparing prices because theirs are always the lowest.

It took a few years of homeschooling before I learned curricula are like shoes. When shopping, there’s more than one right choice that can fit your child and do the job.

I used to worry at the end of each school year about what curricula we’d use next. We would be happy with our math program, but I couldn’t help but wonder if there was some other “perfect” program out there. I would spend hours on homeschooling forums, reading reviews, and of course reading every single word of the Rainbow Resource catalog (seriously!). Now I know our math program works for us, and I’ve stopped fretting. I simply order the next level.

Like there are many choices of tennis shoes that would fit my active daughter well and look nice while protecting her feet, there is probably more than one great curriculum fit for each child. And the end of this year I decided that our grammar curriculum was good for my daughter and promised not to even read about other materials. Then a friend told me about a different grammar book, and I wavered. I finally resolved that either would be enjoyable and help my daughter learn about language. I stuck with the one I knew.

On the other hand (or foot, to stick with my shoe analogy), I’ve learned to let go of things that don’t work for our family just because everyone else says they’re wonderful. For two years we used a highly rated phonics program that my daughter found torturous. I dropped it.

I still love poring over my Rainbow Resource catalog, mind you! But I’m much more relaxed knowing that the many curriculum choices are there to serve me rather than to rule over me. If the shoe fits …

Packing lists for the girls

2009-06-26T15:58:00.003-04:00

When we're travelling somewhere, I have plenty to do to get ready. The kids always want to help, but it's hard to give them a task that doesn't have me tripping over them, or them packing 17 random toys in the suitcase.

Enter the child-friendly packing list.

I got the idea from an article in Cookie magazine, and adapted it myself. It's simply a table in Microsoft Word filled with clip art.

I circle what they should pack. I write in how many in the little bubble. They check off each item as they gather it. For car trips, we usually pack into a laundry basket or two instead of a suitcase, so that makes things easier.

I should probably distinguish between short- and long-sleeved shirts because the girls often grab the wrong shirt for the weather. I also haven't figured out how to get across the idea that they should pack outfits that match. Maybe I should draw a line between tops and bottoms. Or just get over it.

My simple mother's daybook

2009-06-25T07:07:00.003-04:00

I'm borrowing this idea from the Simple Woman's Daybook that I saw on another mom's blog.

Outside my window ... the kittens are probably waking up and nursing from their mama kitty on the front porch.

I am thinking ... about all I want to accomplish today.

I am thankful for ... sleeping children.

From the learning rooms ... we have started learning about Lewis and Clark and the Oregon Trail in preparation for our September trip to Portland.

From the kitchen ... Addy and I made peanut butter cookies for Aunt Brenda's birthday last night.

I am wearing ... my pajamas. (It's 7 a.m.!) I'll probably still be wearing them at 10 a.m.

I am creating ... a vintage look for our the new kitchen at the farmhouse. Yesterday I decided on a backsplash.

I am going ... to take the girls to their swimming lessons later this morning.

I am reading ... "My Life on the Farm" by a man who grew up in this area. Also an issue of Redbook and the Rainbow Resource homeschool catalog.

I am hoping ... that our house on the other side of the state will sell so we are not broke.

I am hearing ... Bob getting out of the shower and getting ready for work.

Around the house ... are craft boxes from the girls making Brenda's birthday present, too much clutter, and some cardboard boxes to pack for our move.

One of my favorite things ... is getting to talk to Bob before he leaves for work. Usually I'm sleeping.

A few plans for the rest of the week are ... deciding whether we'll work at the farmhouse this weekend or go to the farm to work on our doors there.

Here is picture thought I am sharing ... I'm glad that Dori is growing up and able to participate in big kid activities along with her sister. This was at a homeschool nature discovery program at a state park last month. This was really the first time Dori was big enough to participate along with the other children. I also love that Dori and Addy are experiencing life together, as sisters.

Vote for Addy's picture in farm photo contest!

2009-05-18T13:42:00.000-04:00

When Addy isn't playing in the maple woods or the hay loft, her other favorite place is in the barn at my family's dairy farm with Uncle Duane. Duane snapped a beautiful photo of Addy with a red-and-white Holstein calf this winter.

If you can, please take a second and vote for Addy's photo to win the contest. The deadline is May 25. (Click on "Vote today!" Then Begin Survey. Hers is photo 5, child relaxing in straw with calf.)

http://www.countrylivingassociation.org/?page=FS4JKPhotoContest

When Johnny brings a knife to my house

2009-04-29T15:49:00.003-04:00

OK, so since my niece is so desperate for me to blog about the trivia of my life, here's what's on my mind.

Little Johnny who goes to day care in our neighborhood (you know, the one who calls me Cinnamon, mixing me up with the cat) showed me the treasure in his pocket yesterday.

"Look what my Dad gave me!" It was a little pocket Leatherman, complete with pliers, mini flashlight, and blades.

Johnny is 4. About as high as my thigh.

Me: "Does that thing have a knife on it?!?"

Johnny: "Yep!" (Obviously very proud.)

I find myself using a lot of statements with this kid that begin with, "At our house, we ... ." This time it was, "At our house, kids don't play with knives. Here, I'll hold it until it's time for you to go."

So am I overreacting? Or is it absolutely nuts for a 4-year-old to have his own pocket knife? I can totally understand how some other parent (not me) might want to allow their child this tool. Under supervision. But never to run off with it to day care, and from there to wander over to the neighbor's. Am I way off base on this?

This is the same child who taught my kids to play shooting games. I know I'm a pretend-play pacifist, and that some perfectly normal children play pretend gun games. But it's too much for me. I don't even allow squirt guns in our house. "Johnny, at our house we don't play shooting games," I tell him as he points a stick toward my head.

"It's not a gun. It's a stick!"

Me: "I know. We still don't do it."

Johnny: "Aww, I won't shoot people then. C'mon, let's go shoot some deer!"

Me: "Johnny, we don't play any shooting games at our house."

Johnny: "What if we're huntin' for turkey?"

Later I'll regale you with stories of how when the kids play "jail," Johnny knows waaayyy too much of the terminology. Words like "release" and "bail" and "bond."

That's why they play at my house. I give out homemade popsicles to make sure.

Dori and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2009-02-12T01:51:00.002-05:00

I think this photo, taken yesterday, will be one of my all-time favorites of Dori. She rushed into the house from playing outside and didn't quite make it to the potty in time. That is horrible for her; she just hates pants-wetting accidents. On top of that, she got mud on her dress, which is absolutely horrifying to her. She didn't even mention that her balloon popped, which even I thought was quite sad given the circumstances. The mud smeared across her cheek and on her little blue jacket sort of round out her situation in my eyes. She didn't notice that mud.

The bead-up-the-nose incident

2009-02-12T01:25:00.003-05:00

A month later, I'm able to reflect on the night Dori stuck a bead up her nose and finally laugh about it. We spent part of the day making bead necklaces, and for some reason Dori thought this shiny red Lifesaver-looking bead would be just perfect up her right nostril. Of course I wasn't in the room and learned about it when Addy came running and yelling.

I couldn't get it out on my first attempt. Having no idea how large the bead was, I was worried it was smaller and would be snuffed up into her sinuses. I was finally able to push it down from the outside and extract it. Ugh.

Second child syndrome

2009-02-12T01:15:00.002-05:00

Poor Dori. It's true that the first child gets all the attention and the second child gets the leftovers. Just because Addy never had the knack for puzzles, it never occured to me to pull them out for Dori until recently. Turns out Dori loves puzzles and is very good at them!

My response to the New Yorker breastfeeding/pumping article

2009-01-21T10:43:00.004-05:00

You may have seen Jill Lepore's article in the New Yorker, "Baby Food: If breast is best, why are women bottling their milk?" Then you may have read Kate Harding's critique on Salon.com, "Throwing the baby out with the breast pump."

I posted this letter at Salon under the critique:

Pumping isn't the only option

It's a pretty comprehensive piece. What's missing: That pumped milk is a better choice than none, but a poorer choice than actual breastfeeding for reasons beyond emotional (physiological and medical). That an option somewhere between lactation rooms and lengthier maternity leave is on-site or nearby day care so the baby can breastfeed (the real thing, with actual human contact) a few times a day, taking no more time than pumping. And even better, employers realizing that babies in the workplace (gasp!) and mothers working from home are not revolutionary, but something that has worked well for many since the beginning of human existence. (I personally know it works for farm women, for example, but maybe not for on-duty skyscraper window-washers).

It's true that pumps may actually have a negative effect on breastfeeding in some, but certainly not all, cases. They're not nearly as efficient as the baby, so seeing a measly few teaspoons in the bottom of a bag can be disheartening. I've had a number of women who were WIC clients call and ask me how they can get an inexpensive pump, believing one was necessary for breastfeeding even if no mother-baby separation was in the cards.

The author was just plain wrong here: "Pumps put milk into bottles, even though many of breast-feeding's benefits to the baby, and all of its social and emotional benefits, come not from the liquid itself but from the smiling and cuddling (stuff that people who aren't breast-feeding can give babies, too)." Other caregivers can smile at and cuddle the baby, but it's not the same as Mom. The Salon piece seems to recognize this.

Regarding the Salon review, I don't see the ulterior motive she thinks the New Yorker author was trying to say. The New Yorker author is a writer; I'm pretty sure she could have found the words to state her point if it was anything other that what she did write. Those who are reading something into this that isn't there might be feeling some pangs of guilt themselves.

Dori is starting to recognize letters

2009-01-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Dori spent a long time at the easel, drawing circles. Then she started calling them Os. She made mommy Os, daddy Os, baby Os.

Last night she sat on my lap as I read the paper. The “Blondie” comic title caught her attention. Right away she pointed to the O in Blondie and said, “O spells me!” as she pointed to herself.

Then she became concerned. “O spells, Dori,” she insisted, “it doesn’t spell them!” and she pointed to the characters.

Nasty old sweater turned fabulous

2008-12-23T03:46:00.008-05:00

My sister Kathy gave me china for my birthday.

I'm giving her a chunk cut out of a sweater I found in the free box at the church rummage sale. I upcycled this old wool sweater into something better ... this handmade flower brooch.

It was argyle, so feeling whimsical I decided to retain the diamonds and use them as leaves. I shaped them with a little nip and tuck.

The flower was once a portion of sleeve.

To make, cut a piece of the purple about 2 inches by 8 inches, with the grain running the short way.
Fold that in half the long way, wrong sides together, then baste along the raw edges by hand with a running stitch.
Simply roll up the long piece, tucking under the raw edges until it becomes an appealing rose shape. Stitch the underside to keep it in place.
Cut out two diamonds for leaves.
Pinch them from the underside, about in the middle, and tack, forming a leaf shape by hand and adding tacks as needed.
Stitch the leaves to the bottom of the rose.
Sew on a safety pin or brooch pin.

No surprise, this sweater has also spent time as a diaper. A large piece from the front became this butt sweater for Dori, and the cuffs formed the leg openings (peeking out under here dress here). You'll have to use your imagination, but the bottom is super cute with the argyle.

Check out the gorgeous felted wool ornaments I made

2008-12-23T02:00:00.003-05:00

My sister invited the girls to Aunt Carol's Christmas Craft Camp (read: two days of a quiet house for me to get some work done). Poor Carol broke her foot on the way out her door yesterday to come pick them up. Only she didn't know she broke her foot until tonight when she went to the ER. She thought it was a mere sprain from slipping in the snow.

I can't fix her foot and she insists the girls are fine there, so instead I made her these ornaments while watching Letterman. I never get to watch Letterman anymore.

And tomorrow I'll go pick up the girls.

I started with a gorgeous red boiled wool jacket that met an early demise when somebody put it in the dryer. It was Carol's, so she's getting it back now. She figured I could do something crafty with it after the horrible shrinkage. My first creation was a cute wool diaper cover for Dori last year.

I found a suitable clip art heart shape, and printed it in a few sizes.

I pinned on the pattern and cut out two hearts per ornament.

I used embroidery floss — all 8 strands — to stitch the names of the her family members in a folksy sort of way.

Next I held a personalized heart and a plain heart together, matching the edges (kind of) and stitched around the edge with the same floss. They're supposed to be folksy, so I forced myself to rush and not get it perfectly spaced.

Finally I added a loop of floss to hang the ornaments.

Incidentally, here's how cute Dori's bottom looked in the bum sweater.

Mead Johnson is so full of crap ... I mean cyanuric acid.

2008-12-11T21:40:00.005-05:00

And so are baby formulas from Nestle and Abbott Laboratories. They're full of crap, cyanuric acid and melamine. I'm only naming Mead Johnson first because I'm on their healthcare professional mailing list.

Long story short:

Melamine and cyanuric acid were found in baby formula in the U.S.
Melamine is what's causing kidney failure in Chinese babies (babies!) by the masses.
In October the FDA said that any detectable level of melamine our cyanuric acid in baby formula would be a "public health concern." They said there wasn't enough research to determine any safe level.
Suddenly in November FDA changed their minds. Now it's OK. No further research was done.
The three biggest formula manufacturers in the U.S., producing 90% of the stuff, all produced tainted formula.
Can you see any connections here?

Working backward, here's my letter to Mead Johnson's VP of Global Medical Affairs (he's an MD who sold his credentials when he went to work for these folks):

Dear Jon,

Thank you for your e-mail.

I think it’s important to be clear that the FDA suddenly made this declaration after first stating that insufficient evidence exists to determine a “safe” level of melamine and cyanuric acid. Perhaps you’d like to let us know what kind of industry pressure led the FDA to make this quick, contradictory decision — maybe that tainted formula came from your company and the two others that produce 90 percent of the artificial baby milk in the U.S.? Perhaps you’d also like to give us factual information about what levels are deemed safe when both melamine and cyanuric acid are present. (FDA says zero detectable levels … at least today.)

Why not offer the facts to healthcare professionals — letting them know that your product is clearly inferior to breastfeeding, that relactation is a real possibility for mothers, and that human milk banking is a better option than your product, with your product coming in as fourth choice according to the World Health Organization? You may make healthcare professionals aware that your product is available when no other option is feasible (not inconvenient) and, and at the same time, comply with the International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes. Mead Johnson claims to comply with The Code, but clearly does not.

Thank you. I look forward to your reply.

Sue [my full name and contact info]

And here's the bullpuckey that was sent to healthcare professionals, proving that Mead Johnson is full of crap and must think U.S. healthcare professionals are complete idiots:

From: Mead Johnson Nutritionals [mailto:email@newsletters.meadjohnson.com]
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 5:44 PM
Subject: Mead Johnson Formulas Are Safe: Health Canada Melamine Update

December 11, 2008
Dear Valued Health Care Professional,

We understand the trust you put in us when you recommend Mead Johnson Nutrition products for your patients. That is why product safety and quality are so important to us and have remained the cornerstones of our business for over 100 years.
In late November, the FDA reported a minute level of cyanuric acid in a batch of Enfamil LIPIL and a trace level of melamine in another manufacturer's formula. On December 10, 2008, Health Canada reported ultra trace levels of melamine in infant formulas sold in Canada, including Mead Johnson formulas.
The most important thing for parents to understand is that the levels detected were extremely low and, even at maximum daily consumption of formula, fall well below the levels deemed safe by the World Health Organization. These levels are also well below Health Canada's recently revised safety levels of 0.5 ppm for melamine and cyanuric acid in infant formula. In fact, the FDA stated definitively as recently as November 28, 2008, that the domestic supply of infant formula is safe and parents should continue using infant formulas with confidence. Health Canada reiterated this assurance in its December 10, 2008 statement.
We have conducted our own testing, using a third party laboratory and published U.S. FDA testing methodology and have not detected the presence of melamine or cyanuric acid above the safety levels established by the FDA or Health Canada. To put this in additional perspective, the highest level of melamine detected by Health Canada in Mead Johnson formulas is 36,000 times lower than the highest level detected in infant formula sold in China. Be assured that NO Mead Johnson brands were implicated in the China issue. In fact, Mead Johnson brands were recognized as safe and remain in the China market today.
Mead Johnson products undergo over 2,300 quality control checks throughout the manufacturing process - from raw materials to finished product. Despite our rigorous safety and quality control measures, consumers have asked why a trace level of cyanuric acid was recently reported to have been found by the FDA in one batch of Mead Johnson infant formula and melamine was found in brands of infant formulas evaluated by Health Canada. The most likely reason is that these substances are present in very low levels in our day-to-day environment as a result of their approved use in many commercial applications, including everything from packaging to countertops to dishes and products used to clean food processing equipment. Additionally, analytical technology continues to evolve, much like the unpublished testing methodology used by the FDA and Health Canada, allowing the detection of substances at increasingly lower and lower levels - in this case approximately 50 times lower than the level able to be detected by FDA's fully validated published method.
As always, we are committed to providing you with helpful and accurate information about our products and want to ensure you have appropriate guidance to evaluate and share with parents about these issues. We have made additional resources available to answer questions parents may have. They may contact us at 1-800-BABY123 or visit Enfamil.com.
We want you to feel confident about recommending the use of Mead Johnson Nutrition products. If you have any additional questions, please contact us at MJMedicalAffairs@bms.com or (812) 429-6399.

Sincerely,
Jon Vanderhoof, M.D.
Vice President, Global Medical Affairs
Mead Johnson Nutrition

How to teach a young child about God.

2008-12-10T22:00:00.004-05:00

Another blogger asked how to start teaching a preschooler about God when church isn't a part of their regular life. It can seem intimidating to teach our children about something so big and vast as God. It can be easy to start though. The best part is that we as mothers can learn more about God, too, as we teach our children!

The best and easiest thing is to simply pick up a Bible and start reading. So many nice children’s Bibles are made now.

Our littlest girl (age 2.5) likes Baby’s First Bible. This one is not really a Bible, but a very short board book with verses and text about God and Jesus. I think she likes the cut-outs, the pictures of Jesus and that it has a handle so she can carry it around.
She also likes Little Girls Activity Bible for Toddlers. It has cute, short stories, mostly about women of the Bible, and easy activities or crafts you can do at home to go with each one.
For a children’s version of the major Bible stories for the youngest children, I like My First Read and Learn Bible, a board book with very short stories.
We also have at our house The Beginner’s Bible. It’s similar to the one above, but with slightly longer stories and it’s not a board book. Stories are easy words to read and are short so my 6-year-old reads this aloud.
For kids of maybe kindergarten age and up, the very best I’ve seen is Egermeier’s Bible Story Book. It truly summarizes the entire Bible instead of picking out stories here and there. It would still be great for younger kids, but probably only for those who like to sit for stories. Stories are written in smaller print as an adult book would be, and are about a page and a half long with one illustration for every few stories.

I grew up active in church, but by reading to my children, I have learned so much about God and the Bible that I never knew before!

We participate in Sunday School, and that helps the girls learn. At this age, it’s all about hearing some of the major Bible stories, which they’ll hear again and again as they grow (Noah’s Ark, Daniel in the lion’s den, etc.) When I teach Sunday School, my goal is simply to instill in the children a sense of hope in Jesus and that they begin to begin to trust in faith.

Vacation Bible School is also fun for kids. They’re usually short (a few hours a day for a week) and welcome all children.

Another idea is to help children learn through music. Kids love to sing and dance, so we put on children’s Bible songs at home or in the car. Lots of choices are available. Some of the songs my girls remember the most are the most basic such as “Jesus Loves Me.”

Learning simple prayers can help kids learn how easy it is to talk to God. You can start with simple, easy-to-remember ones and say them before lunch or at bedtime. My 6-year-old likes, “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food. Amen.” You can teach children to say their own prayers, and that they don’t have to be fancy. If they want to start to learn how to say their own special prayer, you can teach them to praise God, thank God, and ask something of God. You can start by praying for the big things, such as asking God to heal a sick friend, then start to incorporate it into your everyday life.

I tried couponing.

2008-12-10T12:43:00.004-05:00

My mother-in-law invited me to a couponing seminar.

Yeah, that was my thought too.

I went, with a fake smile smeared across my face.

The cheesecake and hors d'oeuvres made the trip worthwhile.

Then the seminar started, and it was actually good. A hip young woman had all kinds of info about blogs she uses to find deals, printable web coupons, online rebates, and which stores in my area do double coupons on which days (I've always been too lazy to find out).

So I decided to try couponing one time. (Don't you love it when ing is added to a noun to make a fake verb?) Instead of buying three copies of the Detroit News and two of the local paper just for the coupons, I decided that finding coupons online only would be my limit. I also had a handful in my rarely used coupon folder. Most were long expired, but a few manufacturer's coupons had no expiration date.

I spent an hour online, mostly at MoneySavingMom.com, finding deals. At the seminar I appreciate that the speaker narrowed down the list of money-saving sites to the few she likes best, and this was one of them. I tried looking for online coupons once before, but I spent tons of time online with few results and an inbox full of spam. This site does make it easier.

I then spent two hours shuttling the kids among three stores. One was out of what I wanted, so that was a complete bust. I guess the other couponers beat me to it. At Kmart, my best buy was a can of Pledge that was free after an in-store sale, plus Kmart double coupon days. On a regular day with no coupons, my total would have been $13.27. Instead it was $6.00.

At Walmart (which I abhor, but I have few choices in my rural area) I got a number of freebies or nearly free items. Did I really need these things? No.

I had a $4 coupon for cat food, so I chose the small, $4.50 bag, making it 50 cents.
Trial-size Wet Wipes were 97 cents, less my 75-cent coupons. I'll give these to my brother who keeps them in his truck. Total spent: 22 cents for a little goodwill.
I got a little money back for buying two little Johnson & Johnson first aid kids for 97 cents each, less my coupons for $1 off on each. I made 6 cents (but paid 11 cents in tax, so really I paid 5 cents for them). A nickel is worth it for the number of Band-Aids we go through.
Another freebie was six bars of Johnson & Johnson toddler soap. Each was 97 cents, and I had two coupons for $3 off three J&J items. Total spent: 17 cents in tax for six bars. We'll use these, but I don't feel great about the overpackaging as compared to what we usually buy. I'll also be storing these for more than a year.
Baking soda was also free. It was 46 cents each and I had a coupon for $1 off of two. I actually made 8 cents on this. It will now take me two years to go through it.
Wheat Chex was at a good price of $1.66/box. We go through a lot of this anyway. Less my $1 coupon off two, I paid $2.32 for two boxes of cereal. That's less than one box normally.

At Walmart I used a total of $13.30 in coupons. It paid for me to watch the cashier carefully and have an idea in my head what the total should be, because she initially missed one of my $3 coupons.

Was this all worth it? For me, not really. I spent three hours to save about $18, some on odd items I didn't have to have, or at least not right now. Some of the time I would have spent shopping for groceries anyway, but not the hour of online coupon time and not nearly this much time looking for oddities such as trial-size Wet Wipes in the store.

If I were younger and without children to drag from store to store (like the seminar speaker), this may be more worthwhile. If I lived in a more urban area with more store choices so I could flit from retailer to retailer scooping up only the best buys, this might be worthwhile. Staples, CVS, Kroger, Meijer and Rite Aid are apparently among the favorites of couponers and rebaters, but none exist within an hour drive of my home. If I didn't have a completly scuzzy house needing to be cleaned, if my kids were 100% caught up on their homeschool lessons, if I didn't have a pile of free-lance writing work clamoring for my time, if I didn't have volunteer work I promised to get done ... this might be worthwhile.

As a happy medium, I'll probably check one or two money-saving blogs before my regular grocery shopping trip. If I find something good, I'll print it and try to limit my time. I won't go off on wild goose chases or spend an hour looking in the wrong department for that elusive bar of free soap.

Dori has rowed three books.

2008-12-09T23:40:00.005-05:00

We use a resource book called Before Five in a Row (BFIAR) with Dori. The idea is to read the same classic children's book for five days in a row (specific books recommended in BFIAR), doing a different learning activity with it each time. We don't necessarily read each selection five days straight, but I do love the ideas in BFIAR and the book list is excellent.

Above are the books that Dori has "rowed" so far. To add to the BFIAR fun, I decided that we should have a way to visually remember what we have done. I came up with the idea of a BFIAR wall. We cut a shape out of construction paper that reminds us of something in the book. I went to Amazon.com and printed off a picture of the cover of each book (I also could have scanned them). Dori sticks the book cover onto the construction paper, then I tape it to the wall.

So far we have rowed Corduroy, Blueberries for Sal and Goodnight Moon.

Fun in a bottle for little ones.

2008-12-09T23:30:00.003-05:00

Dori had fun finding the hidden treasures in this water bottle turned treasure trove. It's a cute activity that could easily be made at home.

Simply dry out an old water bottle, drop in a dozen or so household items, then fill it the rest of the way with rice. Make a list of the items on a card (ours is covered in clear Con-Tact paper) and attach it to the neck of the bottle with ribbon. Make sure the lid is screwed on tight. It wouldn't be a bad idea to wrap it with electrical tape to be safe.

Either let the child discover items as they wish, or challenge them to find the white button or find the green paperclip.

A friend gave us this bottle. She and several other mothers of homeschooled preschoolers got together and each made up enough of the same activity for every family. That made it quick and easy to do, then they distributed them so each family went home with a bunch of new games and activities to do at home. Most of them were fit into standard gallon-size zipper bags. Her daughter is older now, so she shared some of the activities with us. They have worked really well to keep Dori constructively busy while Addy and I do school.

Preparing for siblings at the birth.

2008-11-24T00:49:00.003-05:00

I get asked often what I did to prepare Addy for Dori's birth, so I'm pasting my most recent answer here.

My daughter was 3.5 when I was preparing for the homebirth of our second child. I did three main things that helped:

I told her that I might act funny and make loud or even scary noises. I even demonstrated them ahead of time, "Arrgghh!" "Oooohh!!!" and we laughed. That made her more comfortable with the fact that I was moaning during the actual birth.
I told her that there would probably be blood, but that it wasn't "hurty" blood. I told her that the baby might be born with blood on it, or white stuff, and that the baby would look a little funny.
I enlisted extra help to focus only on my daughter during the birth. I knew that my midwife would be busy, and I wanted my husband to be 100% available to help me. I asked one of my sisters to come, one that I knew would totally respect my wishes for the birth and be super supportive of my daughter. I was really careful about who I chose. I feared that some people would try to take her out of the house or distract her too much when she wanted to be part of the birth.

I tracked down a copy of Children at Birth by Marjie and Jay Hathaway, the Bradley birth people, and that was helpful. It was a really old book, but my library was able to get a copy by inter-library loan. (Cool side note: I met the baby from the book, the Hathaway's son, at the LLLI conference in Chicago last summer! He's about my age.)

One thing I did not do was prepare myself for the fact that I ended up needing absolute peace and quiet during transition. I kicked everyone out except for my husband and midwife, and my poor little girl was really upset about it. She was downstairs crying, thinking she was missing something. My sisters were there supporting her, but it was still hard. I wish I had known the intensity of the moment might not have me wanting my daughter there every single minute (she couldn't help but jump around and be chatty at her age). If I had just told her ahead of time that there would be times she could come in and times when she couldn't, but that I wouldn't have her miss the actual birth, she would have been satisified as she has always been quite mature in her thinking.

I also had my daughter watch a video of a real birth. It was a long video showing a lot of the labor and she asked to watch it again and again! As if it were Elmo or something! I thought it was great for her to see the mom looking uncomfortable so she knew that was normal if I looked that way. She was able to see where the baby would come out and see how the mom acted.

My second baby's birth was an awesome experience, and I'm so thankful my older daughter was there to witness it. She told me, "Good job, Mama!" and she gave her little sister her first kiss! I am teary eyed thinking about it.

Joy Behar thinks my kids may be "demented" and "afraid of other children."

2008-11-23T23:28:00.004-05:00

This week on The View, the hosts were wondering how the Obamas will educate their children when they move to D.C. The idea of homeschooling came up, and I feel as if Joy Behar painted my children with quite a broad brush when she said, “A lot of them are demented when they’re homeschooled,” and, “They learn to be scared of other children.”

Side note: I can't even believe I watched The View this week. That drivel is so not my thing. Dori was in the hospital, finally asleep, and there’s not much else to do but turn on the TV when the other option is to listen to the poor old man in the next room as the nurses try to convince him to keep his clothes on.

This is what I sent to ABC in my feedback form. I was only allowed 500 characters. Pretty tame for me, eh?

Dear Joy,

I am a homeschooling mother of two and was offended when you said a lot of homeschooled children are “demented” and “afraid of other children.” I have a feeling you wouldn't be able to pick my children (or their homeschooled peers) out of a crowd. They are bright and active. They get along great with other children, as well as adults. The face of homeschooling has changed. I urge you to get with the times and learn about us before you bash us.

Sue

I fully realize she won’t read this, and my best hope is that the responses from all of us homeschooling parents will be expressed to her in some aggregate form. It makes me feel better anyway.

Enfamil killed baby Connor.

2008-11-20T14:55:00.010-05:00

Note from The Incompetent Housewife, who is very sad and very pissed off:
I brought my 2-year-old baby Dori home from the hospital today after two days admitted due to an illness. She's OK, thank God. When I got online as I nursed her to sleep in my arms, I was confronted with this story and this one about a baby who was killed by a meningitis-causing bacteria in powdered infant formula. Our very minor ordeal was trying, but what this family experienced was absolutely tragic. My heart aches for Connor's memory, for his sister, his twin brother, his mom and his dad. It led me to send a note, once again, to some Mead Johnson employees with my questions about this case. Please don't dismiss it as rant. It may be, but I also have some serious questions here.

Hello Rick Skaar and colleagues at Mead Johnson,

I have an important question. Please read on.

First though, Rick, I wanted to tell you that I’m so glad you said you were going to resign from your job as an Enfamil rep immediately upon receipt of my mid-October e-mail. [The dude sent me a sarcastic and misspelled reply that he would be resigning his job thanks to my note.] I assume that means you won’t be getting this message, but I’ll pass it on in case your colleagues can benefit.

As you know, little Connor McGray is dead because of you. Tears welled up in my eyes when I heard about it. He was a living, breathing baby until six months ago. Did the loss of his precious life affect you the same way? Or did you leap into PR crisis mode and call in your legal counsel?

I fully realize that in this case you’re probably going to lamely attempt to hang your hats on the FDA statement recommending against use of powdered formulas in the NICU. Still, I’m curious how you can live with yourselves. So it’s OK if a full-term baby contracts E. sak. from your product? Oh, you’re probably going to tell me that a full-term baby has a more adequately developed immune system — but, oops, babies fed formula instead of their own mothers’ milk have weakened immune systems. (Don’t tell me that they do not. If breastmilk “is the superior form of infant nutrition,” as I learned on your web site, it follows that your products are inferior.)

The McGray family’s tragedy may be an extremely unusual occurrence. Connor was a sick baby, premature, a twin. I get that. Connor’s mother, who expressed her own milk for her baby, didn’t even know your tainted product was fed as a breastmilk “fortifier.”

What I cannot fathom is that every single day, you work to push your inferior products to perfectly healthy babies, jeopardizing their health every step of the way. Sometimes it’s E. sak., sometimes it’s increased risk for ear infections, allergies, diabetes, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, many childhood cancers, SIDS, Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis, breast and ovarian cancer, and a host of other diseases.

You even attempt to take babies who are happily breastfed, and turn them into formula fed babies through your aggressive and unethical marketing tactics. One of them was the subject of my previous e-mail.

My question is this: How can you live with yourself?

Oh, I suppose what will pop into your mind is a defensive reply such as, “Uh, well no! We save lives!” If you really believe that’s the case and actually do care about the long-term health of the living, breathing human babies affected by your efforts, then by all means, I applaud you and suggest you take the following steps:

Stop violating the WHO International Code of Marketing of Breast Milk Substitutes. Your “Marketing Guidelines” claim you comply with The Code. Clearly you do not.
Cease all marketing of your products directly to the general public. (This means no “free” samples, no advertising, no promotion directly to mothers and pregnant women, etc.)
Cease all marketing that attempts to sabotage breastfeeding. (Including any “free gift for Breastfeeding and Supplementing Moms.)
Allocate a portion of your marketing budget to goodwill by using a substantial sum to promote human milk banking. And I don’t mean to underhandedly push your products by saying human milk banking is best, but letting parents know your product is available just in case — as you do with breastfeeding. In layperson’s terms, we call that talking out both sides of your mouth.
Concentrate your resources on providing product for those truly rare cases in which you claim your product is the best option. I can’t think of what they are, but I suppose you have a list.

I look forward to your reply.

On behalf of the babies who don’t get the opportunity to “choose” how they are fed,

Sue

Here is my last message to these folks, regarding Enfamil’s most recent sabotage of breastfeeding.

If you feel like sending your own message, here are the Mead Johnson e-mail addresses I used and that did not bounce back:

anita.carlton@bms.com, ann.jernstedt@bms.com, AskMeadJohnson@bms.com, bradford.kornegay@bms.com, brian.henry@bms.com, carol.berseth@bms.com, Charles.Urbain@bms.com, charmaine.wood@bms.com, donald.vaskey@bms.com, elizabeth.sitton@bms.com, EnfamilResourceCenter@Enfamil.com, gail.wood@bms.com, john.elicker@bms.com, jon.vanderhoof@bms.com, lonnie.rice@bms.com, meadjohnson.belgium@bms.com, meadjohnson.europe@bms.com, meadjohnson.france@bms.com, meadjohnson.grants1@bms.com, medicalservices.asia@bms.com, mg-mjn-scandinavia@bms.com, MJMedicalAffairs@bms.com, mjn.customerservices@bms.com, MJProductinformation@bms.com, pete.paradossi@bms.com, rebecca.goldsmith@bms.com, rick.skaar@bms.com, robin.wise@bms.com, sandra.melcolm@bms.com, sharon.jones@bms.com, sonia.demol@bms.com, Stanley.Burhans@bms.com, Steve.Golsby@bms.com, steven.harris@bms.com, susan.apple@bms.com, susan.mitmesser@bms.com, susan.wedeking@bms.com, Vern.McCrory@bms.com

For tags only:
Alexander MacPherson, Anita Carlton, Ann Jernstedt, Bradford Kornegay, Brian Henry, Carol Berseth, Charles M. Urbain, Charmaine Wood, Donald Vaskey, Elizabeth Sitton, Gail Wood, John Elicker, Jon Vanderhoof, Lonnie Rice, Pete Paradossi, Peter Kasper Jakobsen, Rebecca Goldsmith, Rick Skaar, Robin Wise, Sandra Melcolm, Sharon Jones, Sonia Demol, Stanley Burhans, Steve Golsby, Steven Harris, Susan Apple, Susan Mitmesser, Susan Wedeking, Vern McCrory

From the Mixed-Up Words of Little Dori.

2008-11-09T20:37:00.002-05:00

While Dori's language skills and vocabulary improve every day, she is only 2 years old. Sometimes words come out funny.

“Is my compost pretty?”

Translation: Is my poncho pretty?

“Addy, you’re responsibility!”

Translation: Addy, you're frustrating me!

“I fell on my knee-bow!”

Translation: I fell on my elbow. (Her joints are mixed up.)

Dori can dribble!

2008-10-26T22:34:00.002-04:00

Wiggly teeth.

2008-10-25T12:44:00.005-04:00

Apparently kids' teeth look kind of creepy when they are about to fall out.

Addy already lost her two bottom front teeth and the adult ones are in. Next to go are the top front, then she has four more loose ones.

The part of potty training nobody talks about.

2008-10-25T12:39:00.005-04:00

I took the girls to the park, then looked over and saw Dori in this position.

"What is she doing?" I wondered aloud.

Oh, peeing. On the grass. In the public park.

2008-10-25T12:39:00.001-04:00

"I'm dead."

2008-10-25T11:57:00.003-04:00

You may remember my post last month, in which Dori kept claiming she couldn't do things as asked because, "I don't have hands."

This time, it has gone too far.

I set up a craft project for the girls on the kitchen table, then went to where they were playing in the front yard to invite them in to work on it. Addy asked if we could do the craft outside, but quickly accepted that the answer was no.

Dori, on the other hand, demanded, "Outside!"

I told her no, we needed to go inside.

Dori's response: "Can't. I'm dead." Then she flopped to the ground.

How to homeschool your young child

2008-10-24T07:59:00.006-04:00

I'm often asked how to get started homeschooling a young child. The easy answer is this: Play.

But if you're like me — and you probably are if you're reading this — you'll first agonize over whether you're doing all the right things for your child, wonder how to maximize every available learning opportunity, think about which specific skills your child should be developing, worry about which tools and materials can best help you, fret and overplan.

Now that I have been through this stage with two children, I can tell you that it really is as easy as being together and sharing your moments. Baking cookies? There's an opportunity to count cups of flour. Doing laundry? Sort clothes by color. Oh, and read. Read, read, read.

If you want to get all neurotic about homeschooling your toddler or preschooler, as I did, you can check any number of lists of skills commonly acquired by children of this age. It's a little silly, really, because the only checklist you should compare your child against is herself. I sometimes did anyway because it made me feel better knowing my kids were on track.

Here's the World Book Typical Course of Study for preschoolers. From there, use the menu at left for other grade levels. This list is nice and simple, yet comprehensive.
If you want to be overwhelmed with detail, like me, check out the Texas Education Agency lists for pre-kindergarten and kindergarten.
Hands on Homeschooling has a list of skills for 2-year-olds, 3-year-olds, 4-year-olds and 5-year-olds. Note that these are pretty advanced, so you might want to go down a year or, instead, you could plan to work on the skills for your child's age, but not worry about mastery.

One problem with these kinds of lists is that they're generally meant for kids who will enter a traditional classroom. If yours won't, maybe it doesn't matter so much if your child is not yet comfortable with strangers or able to wait to be called on. You'll want to tailor the list for your preferences. I refuse to teach my child to color within the lines of any kind, so I promptly crossed that one off the list. You also have to think about the big picture. What's important for your family? You won't find character traits, values and faith on these lists. Only you can decide what's important there. That kind of learning comes through real life.

When Addy was almost 3 years old, I was caving into the pressure of everyone asking, "When will she start preschool? Is there a good preschool in your neighborhood?" For crying out loud, she was 2 years old! But I went through an exaustive search of skills lists like those above, added many of my own, deleted some, and compiled them into a long list. That formed the basic plan for what we would do the next 36 weeks. (Before you get your pencil out, know that I don't recommend this.) I also decided we'd learn a letter each week, a color, a shape and an American Sign Language sign. I chose books to support each week's theme, about five skills to work on, and a Bible story. Talk about neurotic.

Then my brother was seriously ill, about to be discharged from the hospital, and unable to take care of himself. I threw my extensive Excel spreadsheet out the window and taught Addy a real-life lesson instead: When family needs us, we are there. I urged my brother to move in with us.

Of course at the time I worried. When would we "do school?" How was I supposed to get through my weekly lesson plans when we were always driving across the state to see doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist? How would Addy learn anything when the times we actually were home, I had to keep sending her out to play alone in the backyard so I could spend yet another morning on the phone to this agency and that? Today I looked back at my spreadsheet to see what I had planned before I knew my brother would be living with us. The skills I thought were so very important to teach Addy? Traces curved and zigzag lines. Completes a 5-6 piece puzzle. Hops on one foot five times in a row.

You get my point.

The real learning happens through life. If you can throw in some raucous reneditions of the ABC song, that might spice things up. Everything else is extra.

So if you are so inclined, here's what works for us for the extra.

Books. Read a lot. Read the same book, over and over and over, if that's what your child wants. Read while your child ricochets off the furniture if yours isn't a sit-down-and-listen type. (What typical toddler is?)

If you want to get formal about it, the book Before Five in a Row is highly recommended by me and plenty of others. The premise is that you read the same book every day for five days in a row. (The "before" is because the original Five in a Row is about kindergarten level and this one is for preschoolers.) The book gives a list of books to read and, for each book, a set of suggested activities. The books are classics such as Blueberries for Sal and Goodnight Moon. What I most appreciate is that you'll never look at a book the same way again after having "rowed" one for five days. The activities are great, but not so revolutionary you could never have thought of them on your own if you had tons of extra time. They do get you started on how to really get the most out of a book. We're using this now for Dori at age 2-1/2 as her "school." We don't do it every day, but instead use it when she seems ready to sit down for a book and some special time together. It can be a complete preschool curriculum.

Letters. Our family's first step to teaching a child to read is to sing the ABC song. Bob used to sing it to Addy in the womb, but it's never too late. That was back when we had time on our hands. All Dori heard from Daddy in the womb was things like, "Addy, put the scissors down. Addy, get off the counter." She's still turning out OK.

It's fun to have something safe and tactile with letters on them to help your child learn the letters and their sounds. We have some foam bathtub letters. Blocks with letters on them would be fun. Magnetic letters for the refrigerator work well, and give you something to fish out from underneath the furniture all over the house — you know, in case you're bored. The LeapFrog Fridge Phonics Magnetic Set works well. I usually avoid toys that make noise, but this one is a good exception.

With some letters in hand, you can start to introduce the letters and sounds as you play. Knowing the letter sounds is actually more important than knowing the name of the letter. We play around with a letter toy and make up little songs and poems with its sound. "The A says /a/, the A says /a/, every letter makes a sound, the A says /a/." That one is stolen from the LeapFrog Letter Factory DVD, another exception to another of my rules that says we don't stick in a video and call it learning (call it babysitting and yes, we do that).

Reading A Home Start in Reading by Dr. Ruth Beechick is what convinced me I could actually teach a child to read. It sounds like such a big undertaking, doesn't it? It really isn't that difficult.

Here I am recommending various alphabet toys, but it's also Dr. Beechick's book that made me realize I wouldn't need any of these things to teach my children. I've told Bob before that if we ended up as missionaries in some remote village, all I would need to teach reading is a stick to scrape the letters into the dirt.

If your child likes workbooks, there are lots available at stores such as Meijer and Staples to help introduce the letters.

Once your older child is ready to move on, I like Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. I'd recommend you read my complete review of this program first, because some people don't like it or give up too soon. If it doesn't seem right for you, there are many other good phonics programs out there. Please, please be sure to find something that uses intensive phonics rather than the whole-language approach.

A good site for comparing curricula of any type is HomeSchoolReviews.com. This page has reviews of phonics curricula.

As supplemental materials, we enjoy playing the excellent phonics games at http://www.starfall.com/, reading Bob Books and using Explode the Code workbooks (we pick and choose pages and don't do the whole book). This is more toward kindergarten level though, definitely not for toddlers.

There is a free curriculum online called Letter of the Week that, obviously, uses the learning of letters as its base for a complete preschool curriculum. It's fun and simple, and we used some of the ideas when Addy was 3. Feel free to replace books and ideas liberally though, because you may not find all the books or subjects recommended at your own library.

Numbers. Math for toddlers and preschoolers starts with counting. From my observations, the steps go something like this. Getting there is a matter of practice, preferably while playing or doing regular daily tasks.

The child mimics you when you say "one, two, three." She has no idea what those words mean yet.
The child begins to demonstrate one-to-one number correlation, to get fancy about the terms. That means that Dori, age 2-1/2 recently figured out that "two" is a word that means there are two apples on the table, and "three" means there are three.
The child begins to count, putting her finger on each item as she counts a few of them.
The child begins to recognize a lump sum of two or three items. She can look at three blocks and know it's three blocks without counting 1, 2, 3.
Finally, the child begins to associate the numeral with the number word she has been hearing. That funny, curly symbol 6=six.
Early addition is simply counting two groups of objects all together.
Early subtraction is taking some away and either re-counting or, more advanced, counting backward.

For the purposes of educating your young child, what this means is that you play with objects they can really see and feel and hold. Count them, stack them, name them, number them.

Identify shapes. This is geometry. Identify colors. This helps learn to sort and pattern items. Play at which one is bigger or smaller. Which has more or fewer.

If your child is one who actually does enjoy workbooks (I was and Addy is), then feel free to pick up one at the grocery store or office supply store and use it if they seem receptive. When your child is a little older, I highly recommend Singapore Math, beginning with Earlybird Kindergarten Mathematics, then moving into Primary Mathematics for grade school. Note that these are about a year ahead of U.S. math levels. The Earlybird series has been updated, so if you find an old set they called them Earlybird 1A, 1B, 2A and 2B. Remember the Earlybird part, because the grade-school levels use the same numbers, but with the word Primary.

Science. For us, the main way to learn science is to observe the world around us. We encourage the girls' curiousity, even when it means dealing with filthy dirty clothes and all kinds of critters being dragged into our house. I wouldn't recommend anything formal here for young kids. Take nature walks. Wonder about things aloud. Answer more questions. Show your child how you find the answers you don't know. Let them pluck the seeds out of the apple core and plant them somewhere.

If you can, have a couple field guides on hand. My own very first bird book was this Birds Golden Guide, only with a retro cover. Our butterfly net gets heavy use for catching all sorts of things. A magnifying glass makes things look cool close up.

When it comes to reading nonfiction science books, I absolutely love the Let's-Read-And-Find-Out Science series. Magic School Bus books are also popular around here.

The living world is really what Bob and I love the most and know the most about (he with a degree in crop and soil science and me with my agriculture communication degree and nature-loving background). All kids I know seem to have an interest in nature, so that's where we start. If physics or chemistry is more your thing — or even if it's not — you can find examples of those branches of science in everyday life, as well. Baking bread becomes a chemistry experiment. You don't even need to use scientific-sounding words with you child, just let them play and explore what happens when ...

Participate in civic life. Remember the old Sesame Street ditty, "Who are the people in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood, in your neigh-booor-hooo-ood?" That was an early social studies lesson.

To learn about the world, start close. Your family, your neighborhood, your city, your state, then your world. From there, maps and geography, stories about the past and history all sort of evolve into something your child can actually be interested in and learn.

This is easier than it sounds. Go to the grocery store, not a special trip, but when you're going anyway. Notice who cuts the meat, scoops up the potato salad, stocks the produce. Attend the fire station's open house. Watch the garbage truck workers do their thing. Let your child see what members of your family do to contribute to community life, whether it be paid work or otherwise. Play dress-up and pretend. Take your child to the voting booth, and talk about what you're doing and why it's important to you. Celebrate holidays. Talk about your cultural and family traditions as your child participates fully in them.

This is not stuff you can get from a workbook.

Look at maps. See that Aunt Marion in California is very far away, while Aunt Kathy in southern Michigan lives much closer, and Grandma is even closer yet.

I grew up thinking that geography and history were very specific, very boring, very tedious school subjects. It wasn't until I was well into adulthood that I had any concept of how they affected me. Once I realized that, I was able to translate it into things that would interest my children.

To me, history equaled boring dates I could never remember. When I found out I had a great great grandfather who was a Union soldier in the Civil War, I suddenly became interested in what was happening in the world that would have affected his life at that time. It turns out history and geography are not about calendar dates and kilometers. They're about stories — stories of people's lives and places.

What stories interest your child? Addy likes having Little House on the Prairie books read to her. Right now that translates into dressing as Laura Ingalls for Halloween, wearing a bonnet and wishing to ride in a covered wagon. Someday it will translate into wondering what else was happening in the U.S. during Laura's time — the aftermath of the Civil War, settlement of the West, the Great Depression. She'll probably want to find the places Laura lived on a map, maybe even visit them someday.

She's already beginning to make connections through history. We try to relate everything in ways she can understand. The Great Depression? (She hears about it in the news.) Who cares about the specific years; it happened when Great Grandpa B. was a little boy. Daddy remembers him telling stories about his farm family eating a lot of cornmeal. His mom would make corn mush in the morning, then fry it up as cakes in the afternoon. Great Grandpa was awful sick of it, but it was cheap and they could grind it from their own corn. Those stories are history.

There are plenty of good books about people and places in history. For learning about contemporary cultures, we enjoyed Children Just Like Me by DK, which even has a neat accompanying sticker book. It's not a book to read verbatim to young children, but instead to explore the pictures and main ideas. It includes pictures of real kids in real faraway places. We encourage the girls to talk to people who have visited faraway places and ask about everyday life — what people eat, what their houses are like, what clothes they wear. My globetrotting nieces have come in really handy on that one.

We introduced a globe early, in the form of an inflatable ball. I can't say our kids started using it to identify countries early on, but having it introduced it as something to play with and explore, rather than something to sit on a shelf and not break.

My sister Anita found a couple good books that fit in here, Me and My Family Tree and Me on the Map.

To learn about hero figures for kids beyond toddlerhood I like the one-page stories in My First Book of Biographies: Great Men and Woman Every Child Should Know. Any stories about historical figures that might trip your child's trigger are good. Johnny Appleseed, Helen Keller and Sacajawea have been popular at our house. Lots are available at the library.

Dance. I wish I had the cash for Kindermusik classes for my toddler or the discipline to encourage weekly piano lessons and practice for my 6-year-old, but instead we mess with music at home. I'm anxious to get our piano back (we're in a temporary smaller home until our remodel) so the girls can experiment. We enacted a no-banging-on-the-piano-with-fists-or-toy-tractors rule, but other than that they are free to experiment. The girls do a lot of dancing. Daddy is good at this one.

Remember the basic songs from your childhood. I can't sing or play an instrument, but I do it anyway and the kids haven't complained yet. With toddlers, encourage them to clap along to the beat or the rhythm.

Make or buy some music makers. We have a box with a tambourine, harmonica, bells, egg shakers we filled with rice and beans, and whatever other noisemaker that finds its way into our house.

Practice making low notes and high notes. Practice soft and loud. Practice slow and fast.

Find some music that you can all enjoy. Our first children's CD was a really annoying, sappy sweet one that made Bob and I cringe. Then we discovered Laurie Berkner and found out children's music can be really cool. Her CD Victor Vito is the most played at our house. That and Reba.

Get messy. Come to find out, some families have rules about not mixing the Pla-Doh or say things like "make it pretty now." We don't have those rules.

We do have a ton of art supplies. We beg the grandmas to give the girls art supplies instead of more noisy toys for gifts. Therefore, there's almost always enough paper for more sheets all around, for more globs of poster paint, to go crazy with glue.

That's all I have to say about art for young children.

Where do I get this stuff?
I do hope you caught the part about real life and interaction with you being a child's primary lessons. Beyond that, if you have the funds and inclination to buy some formal materials, here are my favorite sources. It is really easy to get overwhelmed by all the choices.

Read reviews of various programs at HomeSchoolReviews.com.
If you're really lucky and live near Grand Rapids, Michigan, and the Home School Building or any other town that has a store specificially for homeschoolers, go there. Now. You'll be able to get your hands on the materials before you buy and probably ask questions of real homeschool parents who work there.
Buy nearly everything, and I mean everything, in the homeschool world through Rainbow Resource Center. I have checked prices time and time again, and can never beat these.
When it's general books I'm looking for, I use Amazon.com and take advantage of free shipping over $25.
Can you tell I live in a rural area with no malls within an hour? If you actually have retailers in your area, Barnes & Noble offers a 20% discount for educators, including homeschoolers. Sign up for a discount card, but it only works in stores. Again, you won't find the specialty homeschool curricula here though, but you will find workbooks and general resources.
If you know specifically what you're looking for, find it for sale from another homeschool parent at HomeschoolClassifieds.com. The interface isn't pretty, but I have had really good luck with it. I think it's safe to say that homeschoolers are reputable, so if you send away your money you can trust you'll get what you purchased. I've never had a problem anyway. EBay has become overpriced for homeschool materials. I have seen plenty of used items go for more than they would be new!
For young children, yard sales and resale shops often yield some pretty good finds. Basic books, workbooks and games can be found cheap. If they don't end up working for you, so what? You only paid a quarter.
What I use the most, though, is my local library. I use interlibrary loan like a fiend. They probably hate me for the number of books I request each week.

What else?
If you're thinking of homeschooling beyond preschool, think about attending a meeting of a local homeschool group. You will get your questions answered and so many ideas that you may feel as if your head will explode. At least I did.

It may take some work to find a group that really fits your family's lifestyle and beliefs — or you might find it right away. If you do find the right group, it can be really helpful.

If you're into it, you can start reading about the various homeschool methods. Yeah, there's a lot to it, so ignore it if you're not as detail-oriented as I am. You've probably heard of Montessori schools, right? Well there are also a number of other styles embraced by homeschoolers. You can learn about the Charlotte Mason method (this fits my bent the best), Waldorf, unschooling, Thomas Jefferson education, classical education, traditional school at home and lots more. Comment or e-mail me if you want a specific book recommendation.

What will your child be missing by doing preschool at home?
Frequent colds. The flu bug. Bad manners. Jokes about boogers. Separation anxiety. Time for you to watch TV alone and actually clean the house.

Warning, I have some strong opinions here, which may not be for the weak.

Seriously, though, I think we concerned parents tend to worry about what our children may be missing whatever they're doing. In my mind, conventional classroom preschool is all about learning the basic skills, but those who promote it will tell you it's also about learning social skills — how to get along in a group, accept strangers, share and so on. Those all sound real nice, but I think we tend to use preschool as babysitting and then force our kids into some of these experiences before they are ready. We're also quick to forget that children can and do learn social skills in their own families. Unless you are a family of wolves, you can do this yourself. Try living in a downsized house with one bathroom and you'll learn about sharing, by golly. Living real life with you and interacting with real people in the world — the ones you meet at the bank as you do your weekly errands — are genuine social experiences for your children. If it's interaction with other kids you're after, you can seek it out in many ways. You can set up playdates, you can participate in story hour at the library, you can take part in Sunday School or other church activities, you can join a 4-H club or an AYSO soccer team, you can seek out a homeschool group. We do all these.

So what have my children missed out on? Fake Thanksgiving reenactments where the children all dress as good little Pilgrims and Native Americans. Instead, we learn our family's version of the whole truth about the holiday. It's still fun. The kids aren't shooed out of the room while I prepare for a holiday tradition. They take part in it. They get their hands dirty. We talk.

My children have no idea how to get a hall pass to use the bathroom or that they might even consider raising their hands before speaking. Thank God.

• • •

I think the bottom line is to have fun with your young children, take them with you instead of thinking you need to find a sitter, let them experience real life.

If you need to convince the nosy neighbor that your homeschooling is working when they ask what you do all day, throw in some pedagogical terms. Instead of "played ball in the back yard," try "practiced gross motor skills." Instead of "stacked blocks and counted them," say you "explored size and spacial relationships and practiced one-to-one number correspondence."

Good luck to you. If you can count to 10, know your colors, can sing the ABC song and love your child more than anyone else in the world (and I know you do) you can do this.

Shame on you, Mead Johnson!

2008-10-14T09:40:00.003-04:00

Dear Mead Johnson employee,

Shame on you, Mead Johnson! It’s already abhorrent that you constantly try to sabotage new mothers’ breastfeeding experiences, but your newest Enfamil trick takes the cake.

Your “free* gift for Breastfeeding and Supplementing Moms,” as you well know, is only a thinly veiled attempt to convert breastfeeding mothers to formula-feeding mothers. It’s clear this despicable action is your attempt to subvert the policies of hospitals that no longer allow your formula-feeding bags.

Congratulations to your copywriters, who will likely succeed in fooling new mothers into thinking they ought to “supplement.” It’s evident your intent is to lead them along the path of disrupting the breastfeeding relationship to complete conversion to your product.

That you feebly call your product “our closest formula to breast milk” should make me livid, but it actually makes me laugh. After all, stating that Enfamil Lipil is your closest formula to breast milk follows the same logic as me saying our family’s 7-year-old rusty minivan is the closest thing in our driveway to a brand new Hummer.

I truly wonder how Mead Johnson employees can sleep at night knowing what you are intentionally doing to babies who have no say in how their mothers “choose” to feed them. Please, spare me the line about your products helping the very few babies for whom their mothers’ milk is legitimately not available. I get that. I even appreciate that. But I cannot tolerate your attempts to jostle for market share by undermining a child’s first experiences in this world and the nourishment, lifetime health benefits and comfort that come along with it.

Mead Johnson employees, you offer pseudo-gifts in the form of free* artificial milk and faux-breastfeeding-friendly literature. These only serve to undermine confidence and lead mothers to believe they can’t produce enough milk or lead active lives while breastfeeding, or that they must supplement (which, again as you know and intend, quickly leads to a complete switch to your artificial milk). You even “rebate” purchases of your artificial milk by WIC so taxpayers can waste money on your products at the cost of our precious babies.

Equally appalling is that you claim in your “Marketing Guidelines” to follow the WHO International Code of Marketing of Breast Milk Substitutes, but what your corporate-speak fails to mention is that you consistently, intentionally and shamelessly violate The Code. I invite you to read The Code. It explicitly states “there should be no advertising or other form of promotion to the general public” of breast-milk substitutes and “manufacturers and distributors should not provide … to pregnant women, mothers or members of their families, samples of products… .”

Shame on you.

Sincerely,
Sue

Mother of two exclusively breastfed babies — which seems a little silly to mention because, after all, that would be the norm if it weren’t for you

*These gifts are not actually free. They’re paid for at the expense of breastfed babies out of hefty marketing budgets by parents who buy the artificial milk.

© 2008, The Incompetent Housewife. Please share freely and widely.

"I don't have hands."

2008-10-04T21:08:00.001-04:00

Someone tell me what I am to do about this. Just what is the natural consequence?

Me: "Time to clean up the toys."
Dori: "I don't have hands."

Me: "Dori, could you please put this over there?"
Dori: "I don't have hands."

Me: "Let's put your mittens on. It's cold out here."
Dori: "I don't have hands."

My snarky baby formula contest entry.

2008-09-29T02:30:00.003-04:00

By popular demand, I'm pasting here my entry in a baby killer's essay contest.

I didn't win.

May 21, 2005

Nestlé Share Your GOOD START Story Contest
6500 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 1900
Los Angeles, CA 90048

Dear Contest Judges:

I’m happy to share our family’s great-start story so I can offer comfort and support to other moms. Thanks for the opportunity. Oh, and the web site says, “Don’t be shy if you have a Nestlé story to share!” so I have included some specific information about Nestlé products.

Here’s my story:

Before her birth, I decided my baby was worth more than a “good” start. She deserved a great start. That’s why I skipped inferior, artificial milk, instead nourishing and comforting baby at my breast.

Feeding my daughter artificial milk from an artificial nipple was not an option, especially since it would leave her at increased risk for ear infections, allergies, diabetes, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, many childhood cancers, SIDS, Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis, breast and ovarian cancer, and a host of other diseases.

I ignored the marketing tactics of manufacturers who said “breastfeeding is the gold standard” with their fingers crossed behind their backs as they used misleading advertising to convince mothers formula is about as good if they “cannot” breastfeed (rare) or if they “choose to supplement” — as if the worst option is a good choice for baby. The World Health Organization, in fact, ranks formula as the fourth choice for infant feeding, following a mother breastfeeding, another woman breastfeeding, or banked human milk.

I ignored messages claiming formulas “provide infants with all the nutrients they need for growth and development,” since researchers have so far identified at least 100 components of human milk missing from artificial formula. Most notably, my milk provides immunoglobulins custom-made for my baby. I passed by statements telling me formula proteins were “broken down to be easy-to-digest, and only Nestle has them,” because I know every foreign substance is harsher on an infant’s immature stomach than her mother’s own milk.

And only Mommy has it.

Thank you for the opportunity to enter the contest. If I am chosen as the grand prize winner, I’d love to accept house-cleaning or personal chef services so I can focus more on my precious child. I will pass on the day of beauty and relaxation at a local spa. My baby needs me.

Sincerely,

Sue

Tainted Chinese baby formula should be a wake-up call to Americans.

2008-09-29T00:13:00.008-04:00

Do I even have to say it?

It's clear that the most recent rash of babies killed and sickened by tainted baby formula ought to be a wake-up call for Americans. Three Chinese babies are dead. At least 53,000 are sick at last count, more than 12,000 hospitalized. Though an ocean away, these are real cases, real people, real babies. The artificial milk they were fed was found to contain traces of melamine, causing tragedy that's almost too horrific for me as a mother to imagine.

But that wouldn't happen here, you say? China is known for its product quality and safety problems, you say?

Maybe melamine wouldn't make its way into the U.S. foodstream. I, for one, am proud that the FDA, food manufacturers, retailers and farmers do a pretty darn good job of keeping the U.S. food supply safe. But at the same time, our babies are too important to put at risk. Any risk. Anytime we circumvent a good system (human lactation) for a flawed one (artificial baby milk), we put people at risk. In this case, it's round-cheeked, oh-so-soft-skinned people who generally weigh fewer than 30-some pounds and can't speak up for themselves.

Baby formula has already put American babies at risk. I'm not even talking the everyday risks of feeding it — the increased risk for ear infections, allergies, diabetes, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, many childhood cancers, SIDS, Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis, breast and ovarian cancer, and a host of other diseases. I'm talking the extraordinary recalls of baby formula right here in the US of A.

May 30, 2008. Abbott recalls two different manufacturing lots of a formula made for babies and kids with hypercalcemia. Turns out the stuff oxidized. The FDA warns, "Consumption of highly oxidized foods can cause gastrointestinal (GI) symptoms such as nausea, vomiting and diarrhea." Ooh, it's a voluntary recall. Is that supposed to make me feel better?

May 28, 2007. Abbot recalls Similac Special Care bottles given for preemies "because they do not contain as much iron as indicated on the label." Risk: anemia, according to the press release.

July 9, 2004. The FDA alerts consumers not to feed a formula sold in New York in an Asian market "because the safety and nutritional adequacy of infant formula from China is unknown" and it could result in severe illness or death. Analysis "found the formula to contain less than 1/7 of the federally required minimal amount of protein per serving, approximately 1/4 the required amount of fat and only minute amounts of declared calcium and magnesium."

January 23, 2004. The FDA warns consumers not to feed a product called "Better than Formula Ultra Infant Immune Booster 117." It isn't regulated as a formula, but it's labeling seems to indicate otherwise. Better yet, don't feed any crap in a can.

February 23, 2006. Mead Johnson recalls GENTLEASE powdered infant formula for "metal particles, consisting of up to 2.7 millimeter in size."

October 25, 2002. 1.5 million cans of Wyeth formula recalled by the FDA because "products may be contaminated with Enterobacter sakazakii." Distributed nationwide under the labels Parent's Choice, Walgreens Infant Formula, Safeway Select, HomeBest Soy, American Fare, Hill Country, Kozy Kids and Baby Basics. (They bothered to issue a press release 7 days later. I've worked in PR. 7 days = no good. They bothered to send e-mails and registered letters 11 days later. Click here for the FDA Enforcement Report.)

September 14, 2001. Nestle recalls cans of Carnation Follow-Up Formula sold at Wal-mart in Texas. Excessive magnesium. Risk: Severe adverse health effects such as low blood pressure and irregular heart beat.

July 27, 2001. Mead Johnson issues a nationwide allergy alert concerning Lactofree Infant Formula.

October 6, 1999. Mead Johnson reports that labels from Next Step Powdered milk or soy -based toddler formula were removed from cans. A Nutramigen label was stuck on instead. Nutramigen is a more expensive, "hypoallergenic" infant formula. Risk: "mild to severe allergic reactions."

June 1997. Isomil brand Soy Protein Infant Formula with Iron. Does not contain the labeled amount of inositol.

September 1996. Alsoy Soy Formula. "... manufactured with lids intended for ready-to-feed formula. The potential exists for a consumer to follow the lid directions (DO NOT ADD WATER) and not properly dilute the formula prior to feeding."

September 1996. Carnation Follow-up Infant Formula. 11,317 cases "may have been produced under insanitary conditions whereby it may have been rendered injurious to health. Furthermore, the product appears separated and has been linked with mild gastrointestinal illness."

February 1995. FDA special agents made their arrest in a scheme to distribute formula in counterfeit packaging. 38,000 pounds of powder were seized from the counterfitter's shop. 6,366 cans of fake Similac were taken from retailers' and wholesalers' shelves. How many had already made it out of the stores and were fed to babies? An FDA report says, "The agency did not receive any reports of illness attributable to the counterfeit formula." Ooh, I'm sure that makes parents confident.

October 1994. Carnation Good Start Infant Formula Concentrated Liquid. "A small number of cans were found to contain non-pathogenic spoilage organisms indicating the product has the remote possibility of being contaminated with other microorganisms."

December 1993. Nursoy Soy Protein, 10,250 cases distributed in the Midwest. "Some cans are contaminated with Klebsiella pneumoniae and Pseudomonas aeruginosa which poses a mild to moderate hazard to health in the form of gastrointestinal stress to infants and new borns with developing microbial flora."

September 22, 1993. Isomil Soy Formula with Iron. "Product is in cans with peeling can liners."

September 1993. Infant formulas from Maple Island, Inc. "Defendants were charged with adulterating their products because they were manufactured, prepared, processed, packaged, and held for sale under insanitary conditions whereby they may have become contaminated with filth or rendered injurious to health. Defendants were further charged with adulterating products manufactured attheir facilities due to the presence in those products and in the equipment that produced those products, of salmonella bacteria, a poisonous or deleterious substance,which may have rendered them injurious to health."

June 28, 1993. Soyalac recalled. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report from the CDC shows three cases of babies contracting Salmonella "linked to consumption of contaminated powdered infant formula." Recall was more than 7 months after possible manufacture date.

June 1993. Mead Johnson Nutramigen brand. 102,048 bottles distributed nationwide. "The product was contaminated with glass particles."

I'm tired, and breastfeeding my own baby as I type this, so I've skipped some that you're welcome to Google if you want to have the pants scared off you (or the diapers, as it may be): furan in infant formulas, beriberi from lack of thiamine in Israeli formula that may have made its way into the US by mail, "labeling errors," etc. Frankly, I'm tired of reading the FDA dockets.

Does the FDA protect our babies from bad formula batches?

So you're still confident the FDA can catch these contaminated batches? Maybe, but when? After they're fed to babies? Whose baby? Yours? The agency says, "Due to the susceptible nature of the population affected by infant formulas, the recall of a violative infant formula is to receive the highest agency priority." That's real nice.

The FDA's policy requires them to complete the recall process within 5 days after a manufacturer alerts them to a problem. Five days. That's fine if the government is recalling a car for an annoying, non-safety-related problem — as happened to my last two vehicles. But for a baby's sole source of nutrition? No thank you.

How can we manufacture artificial baby formula when we don't even know what to put in it?

Researchers haven't even identified what is in breast milk, let alone how to replace it and put it in a can. So far, they do know that human milk contains more than 200 elements. Some simply cannot be manufactured, such as the immunity factors.

FDA requires that the following ingredients be included in infant formula. There are 26 here. That leaves at least 124 ingredients of human milk missing from artificial substitutes.

protein
fat
linoleic acid
vitamin A
vitamin D
vitamin E
vitamin K
thiamin (vitamin B1)
riboflavin (vitamin B2)
vitamin B6
vitamin B12
niacin
folic acid
pantothenic acid
vitamin C
calcium
phosphorus
magnesium
iron
zinc
manganese
copper
iodine
sodium
potassium
chloride

And what is actually put in the can, babies can't always use. For example, we hear so much about iron-fortified formula because babies' bodies cannot process the iron in formula. What about the iron in mother's milk? Babies readily absorb nearly 100% of it. It's all about bioavailability, baby ... or, babies.

DHA, RHA, my left foot

It makes me sick to be subjected to baby formula marketing. They boast of new additions, like DHA and RHA which Nestle marketing says are "naturally found in breastmilk and are important for mental and visual development." This long-chain polyunsaturated fatty-acid fortification was introduced in the early 2000s. What about babies fed formula before then? If I follow their marketing, it was deficient in something so very important for mental and visual development. The list goes on. 1984: Taurine fortification introduced. Late 1990s: Nucleotide fortification introduced. If I feed formula today, in 2008, what oh-so-important ingredient will be added in 2010 that my baby will have missed out on?

Manufacturing mother's milk is impossible

Even the artificial milk manufacturers have long known they'll never be able to adequately mimic mother's milk. In one dozen-plus-year-old journal article, two Abbot Laboratories researchers write that it has become "increasingly apparent that infant formula can never duplicate human milk." They explain, "Human milk contains living cells, hormones, active enzymes, immunoglobulins and compounds with unique structures that cannot be replicated in infant formula." (Endocrine Regulations, March 1994) And then they go on with a bunch of blather about trying to match "performance" instead. Whatever.

More concerns

More concerns I'll let you pursue on your own:

Bisphenol A in baby bottles.
Do tired parents at 3 a.m. actually sterilize formula feeding equipment as directed on the label? (Short answer: No.)
What about the many, many dilution errors, resulting in too-concentrated or too-dilute artificial milk fed to babies?

What to do about it

Let me sum this up for you.

Breastfeed your baby.
See #1. Even if someone tries to say you don't make enough milk. Get help. This is very, very rare, yet women are still fed this line all the time. Want to hear a list of my friends who have successfully breastfed with only one breast? Breastfed adopted babies, some even without previous lacatations? Yes, you can breastfeed if you're on medication, but you may need help to choose the right one.
If you have no breasts, have AIDS in a country with a safe water supply, are currently undergoing radiation or are a crack addict, you may seek another solution. The World Health Organization ranks formula as 4th choice, after breastfeeding, wet nursing and donated breast milk by bottle.
If you "choose" formula because you think breastfeeding is gross (yeah, I actually hear this one), because you think you must switch to formula after 6 months (Where does that come from? Oh yeah, the formula manufacturers.), because you think Dad or Grandma may want a turn caring for the baby (how 'bout diapers, rocking, baths, walks ...) or because you think a bottle is more convenient (the grass is always greener), then see #1.

Math has real-world application. And can be humiliating.

2008-09-26T13:37:00.004-04:00

One thing I enjoy about homeschooling is that my children can witness concepts in their real-world applications.

I took Dori to the doctor today and Addy, of course, came along. She brought her math workbook and worked out some subtraction problems while we waited. At this point she finds math to be a little tedious. She has a great mind for it, but gets hung up writing out the answers. At home I've started to toss the workbook aside and let her work out concepts kinesthetically using Unifix cubes or base-ten blocks. For today, though, the workbook was easier to transport and Addy wasn't thrilled about having to do her subtraction problems.

I was able to demonstrate the real-world application of subtraction and humiliate myself in the process. Dori is always on the reserved side, but today she simply refused to interact with the nurse. She wouldn't even stand on the scale. We tried everything. Addy stood on the scale to demonstrate how fun it was to make it wiggle. The nurse bribed her with an Elmo sticker and claimed that Elmo wanted her to stand on the scale. The nurse stood on the scale. I placed Dori on the scale against her will, only to have her flail around so much an accurate reading was impossible.

Finally, I scooped Dori into my arms and stood on the scale with her. Addy was able to see a real number sentence (elementary term for equation) at work.

A a huge number - B a really big number = C the little tiny number that is Dori's weight

All I will tell you is that C=32 pounds.

Then later Addy announced out loud in public what A was. Anyone can see that Dori doesn't weigh much more than a bag of cat food.

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

2008-08-25T15:41:00.001-04:00

DSC_2479_2
Originally uploaded by stueverfleetwood

This is the kind of jumping in that I mean in one of the first bullets in the post below.

Dori, age 2, scaring the crap out of her grandmother and jumping into the pool. Over. And over. And over again.

What will the kindergarten teacher do when my child ... ?

2008-08-25T14:14:00.006-04:00

Back in January, the superintendent of the local school district came to our house to attend the estate sale before we moved in. Upon learing we were homeschoolers, he and his wife tried to sell me on the merits of the public elementary school. His wife seemed to think I would be interested in how cutely it is decorated* (as if) and he told me who was his best kindergarten teacher, Mrs. P. (sorry for the kids who aren't in her class). He could have gained some valuable market research and may have even been able to help me realize his points better had he asked me a thing, but he did all the talking.

Because I was taught by his type of system not to be bold and assert myself with authority, I just nodded and sold them a decorative oak shelf. Here's what I wish I would have asked the superintendent about his star kindergarten teacher, Mrs. P.:

Will Mrs. P. sit down with my daughter on her lap and read her really good stories every day? Will she welcome each question, even if it's right in the middle of the story?
When Addy is inspired by an idea, will she drop the day's lesson plan (or the week's or month's!) and dive right into it head first?
Will she base the curriculum on what excites Addy and helps her develop as a person, or will she be so worried about meeting state standards in specific areas that the life is drained out of it?
Can Dori come to the classroom every day, too, and take a spot right next to Addy so they can love and learn from each other, developing the kind of deep relationship sisters should?
Will she clear her classroom from the typical pop culture icons that send the wrong messages to developing young minds?
Will children in her classroom value people before things, self-esteem over group acceptance, words over fists? How about on the playground? On the bus? Little children are learning and need loving guidance every time. Will Mrs. P. be there on the bus, in the lunchroom and on the playground to provide it?
Will she uphold our family's values?
Will she spend all the time Addy needs to learn a concept without ever rushing her, labeling her or sending her off to a special classroom? Is she willing to drop months of lesson plans if Addy is ready to zoom on to something new?
Will she promise to never squelch Addy's love of learning by filling her time with busywork? Can she promise not to make her wait to be called on when she is eager with a question or idea?
Will she come to my home so she can continue to discuss what they're learning at the dinner table, in the car and at bedtime?
What will she say when Addy asks the hard questions, about God, or sex, or dying?

I really do want to know these sorts of things. I am very open to hearing from others, even if (maybe especially if?) they disagree with me.

* I was at the school for a public event. Behind a cute facade and inviting lobby, office and board room, down the hallways I saw cinderblock walls, solid steel doors and cold lockers. Not that I care.

Using the "Come Look with Me" series for homeschool art appreciation

2008-08-07T15:44:00.006-04:00

I used to be afraid of art until I shared the book Come Look with Me: Enjoying Art with Children with Addy when she was 5. I thought fine art was for the sophisticated — certainly not for a regular person like me.

The books in the Come Look with Me series introduce kids to great works of art in a very gentle way. The whole point of beginning to enjoy art is simply to start looking at it.

Each two-page spread covers one piece of art. On the left page is the print, nearly filling the page, with information about the artist, name of the piece, date, and where it is located (such as a gallery or private collection). The right-hand page has a few questions the parent can ask the child and discuss together, such as, "What do you think the child is looking at? What makes you think so?" and, "The artist used a lot of different lines in this painting. Find a straight line. ..." There are no wrong answers. The questions are designed to get the children looking — really looking — at the art.

Then at the bottom is a brief narrative about the artwork and the artist, explaining what is happening in the picture or how and why the artist created it. Each spread is an art appreciation lesson, without it ever feeling like a lesson. It's even easy for someone like me with no prior art background. I like that this book starts author Gladys Blizzard’s series of books with pictures of children, as it’s easy for children to get into paintings of kids their own ages.

Now that I’m not afraid to look at art and take it all in, it’s fun to explore it further. Addy and I are able to talk about artwork we see. We talk about how it was created, what the artist might have been feeling, and we compare it to other art we have seen.

I wish I had been exposed to art like this when I was 5 years old!

We started with Enjoying Art with Children and I acquired three more in the series that we will continue using. We study one piece of art per week. This is the cornerstone book, but you could start with any one.

Some things we have done at home to extend the learning from this book:

I bought an inexpensive table-top easel and set the book up in our living room, opened to the artwork we studied that week. Every time we walk by we can appreciate it even more and even notice new things.
We add the artist’s birth and death dates in the Sonlight Book of Time we keep for history and geography. (Any timeline will do.)

This may save you scads of time: I'm offering free use of the timeline label stickers I created for Come Look with Me: Enjoying Art with Children, Come Look with Me: Animals in Art, Come Look with Me: Enjoying Landscape Art with Children and Come Look with Me: The World of Play. Next semester we'll be using the American Girl art book in a similar way, so stickers are included here also for Imagine: The Girl in the Painting. Just print them on address labels, or you could print them on regular paper to cut and paste. Most of the images are in the public domain because of their age, but some are not, so use with care and know that these are for your home use only. Read the details on the file footer.
Once my daughter wanted to try to recreate one of the paintings, so we sketched it ourselves.
One of my favorite moments as a homeschooling mother was when our family had the chance to go to the Art Institute of Chicago and see one of the paintings. We were able to enjoy it and talk about it intelligently. My daughter was not bored at the art gallery as I would have been at her age. She was fascinated, all thanks to Come Look with Me!

Our pet population quadrupled in a week.

2008-08-05T11:01:00.003-04:00

We moved into this house 5 months ago with a cat. A single, spayed cat. Tippy lives outside in the garage, which we figure is a nicer life than the one from which she was rescued. She was a wee kitten standing in the road — no homes anywhere in sight — as Bob barreled down it at 55 mph and I only urged him to swerve. We stopped, and somehow she ended up coming home with us.

Come spring this year a new kitty claimed our place as her own. We didn't find her; she found us. As soon as I found a vet who offered reasonable rates on spaying, it was too late. More later.

Now, we have known since Addy could walk that a rabbit would one day be added to our household. It was unavoidable. Her great uncle raises them and Uncle Dick and Aunt Maggie brought a bunny to Addy's 1st birthday party for her to play with. We were to give the green light when it was OK for her to have her own. My severe rabbit allergy stood in the way for a long time, but I finally gave in as it's getting better. Now Addy is 6 and a 4-H Cloverbud, so we gave the green light (or waved the white flag?) and on Thursday night added Buns to our list of garage dwellers. Buns (Addy named her, of course) is an 8-week old black-and-white Dutch. Very, very cute.

Either late in the night or early yesterday morning, the friendly cat that adopted us in the spring birthed four kittens. Although I made a nice nest for her in the garage and suggested other spots by leaving soft material around, she had them outside, under the kids' big yellow slide. Addy found them when she went out to play. Dori already knows that they're too little to touch, and gets concerned when they cry. She tells me I need to go to them.

We're still renting the home in town. Can you tell we're country people trapped in the city?

It's World Breastfeeding Week. What can I do about it?

2008-07-28T18:31:00.005-04:00

You don't have to turn into a lactivist (though it would be nice) or write a check to La Leche League (though it would be nice) or even encourage a woman to breastfeed (though it would be nice). It's World Breastfeeding Week and I'm asking if you would please support a breastfeeding woman. It doesn't matter how, when or where. It can be something major or a really simple act.

The focus for World Breastfeeding Week 2008 is on supporting women in their efforts to do what is most important for the health and survival of their children through the best and most cost-effective intervention: early and exclusive breastfeeding.

What can you do?
• Give a mother the phone number of a La Leche League Leader. www.llli.org
• Tell a first-time breastfeeding mother she is doing just fine.
• Bring the new mother a nutrious snack and a big glass of water.
See, I told you it wouldn't have to be hard.
• As an employer, accommodate a mother's need to pump with a private comfortable space.
• As the baby's father, intercede with family and friends so that mother and baby can feel confident.
• Write to legislators to support the enactment of laws supporting paid maternity leave and mother-friendly workplaces.
• Contact an emergency relief organization and request training to help in emergency situations, especially in breastfeeding support.
• Take care of your health and nutritional needs during pregnancy and lactation.
• Set up or join a network of lactation experts in your community.
• Provide transportation to a mother to attend an LLL meeting or visit a lactation consultant.
• Advocate for legislation that enacts the provisions of the WHO/UNICEF Code of Marketing.
• Ask for support and offer support to others.

To learn more, visit LLL in the USA. If you can spare a dime, donate here to an organization that supports breastfeeding mothers and babies every day in communites across the nation. Tell ’em The Incompetent Housewife sent you. Thanks!

Making your own baby wipes (sewn or from paper towels)

2008-07-25T00:52:00.004-04:00

I used to throw away a nickel every time I wiped my baby's butt.

I bought commercial baby wipes. Even when I'd find off brands on sale in bulk packages, I spent half that much per wipe. Now I make my own, saving bucks and landfill space at the same time. If you just invest about two hours one time, you'll never need to make them again for all of your children.

To sew cloth wipes, I buy the fuzziest flannel I can find at my local store (sometimes they have double thick or double nap). I cut it into squares that will fold in half and fit into a box that store-bought wipes came in. I serge around the edges and that’s all. If you don’t have a serger, you could either zigzag the edges or just cut them with pinking shears. Some people use terrycloth or microfiber or Sherpa for wipes, but flannel is cheap and easy for me.

To wet the wipes, I just use plain water. Back when I used to think I needed some fancy stuff in the wipes, I used to make this:

Sue & Bob’s Homemade Baby Wipes Solution
2 c. water
2 T. baby oil or olive oil
1-2 T. baby shampoo or baby wash
1 T. vinegar, if needed

Boil water. (Not sure why, I just did. It's not as if my tap water was unsafe.) Stir in oil and soap. Add vinegar if thrush has been a problem. Pour over flannel wipes in box or in wipes warmer. Replace after 1-2 weeks.

If fabric isn't your thing, or the idea of washing wipes is too much for you, here's a plan shared by my friend Danielle.

Homemade Baby Wipes from Paper Towels
by Danielle B.

Cut a roll of paper towels in half or thirds.

Mix together the ingredients:
1 1/2 cups of water
1/4 to 1/2 tsp of Basic H (a Shaklee product)
2 tablespoons of Small Wonders baby wash
2 tablespoons of Small Wonders baby lotion

Then remove the cardboard roll from my 1/2 or 1/3 of paper towel and place in the container. Let it set for a few seconds, then flip the roll over. Remove the paper towel starting from the center.

A few notes from Danielle: I cut mine in thirds to place in my Tupperware container that I use. The original recipe said to cut in half. Make a batch and then decide if they are too moist or too dry and adjust. I do not use as much liquid as was recommended to me. Choose a good, thick paper towel. Saving money on this ingredient will be a waste of money as the wipes will fall apart.

Wipes solution for the diaper bag
If you keep a container of wet wipes in the car for a long time, they may dry out or even get skunky before you use them. Keep a spray or squeeze bottle full of plain water or wipes solution with your dry wipes or paper towels and it will always be ready. Some use the peri-care bottle they may receive at birth.

How I make my cloth diapers

2008-07-24T23:55:00.002-04:00

There are lots of ways to make cloth diapers — fabric choices, pattern choices, styles, closures — but here's what works for me. My diapers have been through two children and are still going strong.

Diaper style and pattern
My preference is for pocket diapers with snaps. They're slim and trim, go on as easily as a disposable, and the inside soaker fabric comes out for quicker drying. I use the Chloe Toes pattern. I bought it back when she sold hand-traced copies for $5. It's significantly more costly now, but I think it's still worth the cost. The diapers fit great, are sized right, and her instructions are good.

I have been sewing all my life, but I'm pretty sure a novice sewer could make these diapers with no problem. You only need a machine with a zigzag stitch.

Buy the pattern first, then read the directions to see how much of what materials you will need.

Waterproof outer fabrics
I use knit PUL (polyurethane laminated) fabric for the outer layer to make the diaper waterproof. The thickness — 1 or 2mil — doesn't matter as both perform just as well and both are supple.

I have never heard of PUL being available at a local store, only online. I have price shopped all over the Internet and always end up at SewShoppe, Cradled in Cloth, DiaperFabric.com or Wazoodle.

An alternative to PUL is ProCare from Wazoodle, but my husband has some odd aversion to the texture. Since he does most of the diaper washing and much of the changing, I'm glad to cater to this.

Once I was lucky to find some Ultrex outdoor fabric on clearance at a local store so I bought yards and yards. Gore-tex would also work. I've scoured the Internet and retailers that sell fabric for marine and outdoor gear, and unless you find an unbeatable clearance deal, you can't beat the cost of PUL or ProCare.

You can buy other kinds of fabric with the PUL applied, but I only like the knit PUL sold for diaper-making. Many diaper fabric shops sell cute woven cotton prints with PUL applied, but I find that the urine wicks to the outside of the fabric. The cuteness isn't worth the wetness to me. Knit PUL comes in fun colors anyway.

Inner fabrics next to the baby's bum
I prefer either microfleece or a sportswear fabric like Malden Mills Power Dry.

Microfleece isn't the same as the polarfleece you might use to make a blanket or poncho. It's thinner and wicks the moisture away. Some polarfleece blocks the moisture, so it wouldn't work. I found my best buy at a local Jo-Ann fabric store on sale. You can also buy it from one of the web stores above or directly from Malden Mills by the yard (look for those labeled lightweight micro).

Power Dry is available on the Malden Mills site and sometimes on the others. Cradled in Cloth has an unbelievable bargain on a moon and stars print and has had it for a few years now. She must have bought many, many bolts and I assume it was so cheap because it's a little gaudy.

Snap fasteners
I strongly prefer snaps for my diapers. Hook-and-loop tape can be stiff, and even the better choices for diapers can get clogged with lint and stuck together after many washings.

I invested in this professional snap setter and use the 20mm resin (like plastic) snaps. They last and last. Once you have a nice snap setter, you find all kinds of uses for snaps. It's also possible to hire someone else to put in your snaps so you can avoid the cost of a press. Contact me for details.

Before I bought the professional snap setter, I used this SnapSource hand tool that's cheaper, but still good. Use their long-prong, metal snaps. Just know that you may have to replace some after a year or more of use. And if you need enough snaps to make a couple dozen Chloe Toes diapers, you're actually better off buying the professional snap setter since the resin snaps are much, much cheaper. Don't bother with the Dritz snap tool available in fabric stores. It doesn't work well.

Absorbent fabric for inside the diapers
If you use pocket diapers as we do, you need something absorbent to stuff inside to soak up the urine. I have tried lots and lots of options, but our absolute favorite is also the cheapest and most readily available. We use microfiber cloths intended for washing car windshields. I hate Wal-mart, but there and Sam's Club are where we have found the cheapest packages. Be sure to buy it in the auto aisle. It's the same microfiber cloth as you would buy for dusting or drying yourself off or anything else, but it's more expensive per square foot if you buy it outside the auto aisle. Seriously. Make sure you get the one that is about as thick as a washcloth with the loops, not something completely flat like you would use to clean your eyeglasses.

Microfiber is thin, yet holds in more urine per square inch than other choices. It also dries on the line super fast. The only reason to avoid it might be if you want to use only natural fibers such as cotton or hemp.

We just take a square microfiber towel (ours are anywhere from 10 to 14 inches square) and fold it in thirds to stuff in the diaper. If we need more absorbency, we use two.

My only warning is that they over-dye these towels big time and they often come in neon colors. Just wash them separately from your other diaper materials after the first few wearings until all the color has bled out.

Fold-over elastic
The final specialty notion you'll need is fold-over elastic, also available from any of the diaper fabric shops. I have only found it at a local retail shop once. It was designed for finishing off the edges of fleece jackets and was super expensive when sold for that purpose.

The thread
It does make a difference. Cotton thread will absorb the urine and wick it to the outside of the diaper. I use a polyester thread.

With all this said, I do have another favorite diaper option. Someday I'll post more about how I convert old wool sweaters into diaper covers or pants (called wool soakers or longies). We only use these in the winter months, not because they're too hot for summer, but because they pick up debris from the playground in the summertime!

How to sew a cloth mama pad

2008-07-24T23:30:00.006-04:00

I know, I thought reuseable menstrual pads sounded disgusting, too, until I tried one for myself.

Now I think the plastic commercial feminine hygiene products are disgusting. They feel sticky, sweaty, icky. Only cloth is good enough for my baby's bottom; now only cloth is good enough for me.

I even used my home-sewn pads post-partum and they worked great.

Here's the link to a PDF with instructions and a pattern I put together for making cloth mama pads.

What about washing cloth pads? I throw my pads in with my daughter's cloth diapers to wash. When I don't have a baby in diapers, I keep an old lidded bucket of cold water under the sink and drop in the pads. When my period is over I pour the water down the toilet and dump them in the washer. I set run one cold rinse, then wash them on hot with some Biz or Oxi-Clean plus a little tea tree oil in the rinse (it's antibacterial and smells nice). I haven't yet tried washing them in my homemade laundry soap, but that will probably work even better and not require anything extra in the wash.

Homemade laundry detergent really works!

2008-07-21T18:52:00.003-04:00

I just started making my own laundry detergent because it’s much cheaper, but something about it is making my laundry softer, too. Here’s the recipe I used for a dry mix:

1 bar Fels Naptha soap
1-1/4 c. 20 Mule Team Borax
1-1/4 c. Arm & Hammer Washing Soda (not baking soda)

Grate the soap with the small holes of a grater. Stir everything together. I used an old ice cream bucket. Use 2 tablespoons (I use a scant ¼ cup measure) per load.

I was worried it wouldn’t dissolve, but it does even though I almost always use cold water (except diapers and wet sheets!). It doesn’t bubble up like commercial stuff would, but it still works.

Someone else's calculations came up with a cost of just over a penny a load.

How I organized my homeschool library.

2008-07-18T19:33:00.002-04:00

I'm so pleased that I have finally been able to organize my 1,330 volumes (plus others yet uncataloged) in a way that lets the whole family find books easily and put them away properly. I was sick of the kids getting interested in a topic or asking a question and having to tell them, "I know we have a book about that, but where is it?"

I searched and searched for ideas before starting the project several months ago and came up empty. Let me know if this is helpful to you!

1. I obtained all the shelving I could. An old desk with shelves, a TV cabinet and other pieces helped fill the need. Anybody want to come and build me some custom shelving? Homeschoolers can never have too much.

2. I decided on categories for my books. I wanted them to be specific enough to be able to find books when needed, yet broad enough that it wouldn't be over-organized with only a few books per category.

Board Books
Early Readers
Storybook sets (Seuss, Curious George, etc.)
Series (Little House, Encyclopedia Brown)
Language and Sign Language
Math
Science (I have subcategories here to keep them together: Magic School Bus, Let's-Read-and-Find-Out-About-Science, National Geographic set)
Farm
History and Geography
Bible/Religion
Art
Music Books
Character and Communication
Holidays and Seasons
Five in a Row/Before Five in a Row
Sonlight C
Sonlight 1
Sonlight 2
Workbooks (Explode the Code, coloring books)
Homeschooling Theory/Practice
La Leche League Library
Parenting and Childbirth (not LLL)
Picture books
Cookbooks
Novels
Chapter books
Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons (the 20 books it recommends using)
Sports
Magazines

Some books fit into more than one category, so I pick the one where I need them the most. For example, books used with our school curriculum this year might be history related and chapter books, but I label them Sonlight 1 because I need to have them available with the curriculum.

3. I cataloged my books by registering for a free Amazon.com Your Media Library account and entering the ISBN numbers. There are other choices for tracking books, such as LibraryThing. Amazon's Your Media Libary allows a spot to note the location of the book. This is where I enter my self-named category from above. You could also choose a physical location, such as "hallway shelf" or "girls' bedroom."

4. I obtained lots and lots of colored dot, star and other stickers. I found that the Avery dots are not only expensive, but are removeable. I wanted permanent, inexpensive ones. I found that the cheap brands such as Z-International actually stick better; just make sure they're labeled permanent or test one out of the package. I found assorted sets such as these at Walgreens and variety stores. Often they're sold for garage sale tags.

If you're willing to pay more for huge quantities, you can also buy them from library supply companies such as these from Demco. Another option would be to cut strips or hole punch or decorative punch shapes from address labels or colored adhesive sheets. You can even use those circular reinforcers you put on hole-punched paper.

I color code my books, but you could use a certain number of strips or dots to indicate each category instead. In cases where I didn't have enough colored dots, I doubled up. I put a little one in the middle of a big one to mean a different category.

5. I applied the stickers to the books' spines. I put the bottom of each sticker one inch from the bottom so they would be nice and neat when all in a row on the shelves. The width of a standard ruler would be just right to help align them easily.

6. I tried to assign one or two shelves per category of book, then put the books on the correct shelf.

7. I printed out a color-code key so my family can figure out where to find and reshelve things (well, at least find them). I just printed the list of categories and stuck an actual sticker from that category on the paper next to the appropriate name.

8. I haven't yet labeled the shelves, but I really should. That would make it easier so my family could find books at a glace without having to check the key each time.

Fifty ways to leave your debt.

2008-07-16T20:48:00.005-04:00

We were discussing real-life money-saving tips on one of my lists. Here was my submission. OK, we're still in debt, but at least we're not adding to it.

We have been living on less lately, so here are some of the things we have been doing. Some of these we're doing to try to be more green at the same time.

Breastfeed Dori
Use cloth diapers (make own or barter for them)
Price shop on phone plans
Cut own hair
Make own bread (anybody know how to make hamburger buns?)
Bring milk from parents' dairy farm when we can (yay!)
Use up what's in the pantry even if it's an odd combination of foods, call the resulting meal something fun so it sounds like I did it on purpose (surprise casserole!)
Cheaper sources of protein: eggs, beans
Cloth napkins
Rags instead of paper towels
Cloth wipes with plain water
Simple soaps — no more fancy body washes for me, etc.
Consolidate trips, travel much less
Use the library, but keep good eye on due dates so fines don't add up
Use BookMooch to feed my reading habit
Don't see movies on the big screen, play board games instead
Curb urge to get out of the house and drive somewhere for entertainment by riding bikes in neighborhood or walking
Use up odd cuts of meat in the freezer, try new recipes
Obvious for this group, but I have never paid a single penny for babysitting; turn down invitations that would cost us a lot of money or force separation from the kids (use grandmas, aunts and very close friends for child care only occasionally)
Be proactive in setting up social things that could otherwise be costly (I knew an old friend was about to ask me to meet her somewhere for lunch at a restaurant, so I offered the idea of playing at the park with the kids instead)
Ask for and give away things on Freecycle
Not eat out at all, but have more picnics (even if just in yard) to add variety
Take up any offers of stuff from people's gardens, look for a recipe online if I don't know what to do with it
Use Internet (the one thing we haven't cut out as I rely on it pretty heavily) to help us learn how to fix things ourselves more (current problem is broken lawnmower)
Speak up when anything kids are involved in want to do fund-raisers and say I'm glad to help in many ways, but I don't condone selling or buying junk
Not set foot in a mall, throw away sale ads from newspaper so I'm not tempted to buy anything I don't need
I don't even stop at garage sales anymore since there would always be one 25-cent item I just had to have and it added up
Turn down heat
Take quicker showers (were given a 5-minute shower timer, I don't make it quite that short, but it keeps me hopping)
Use cold water for clothes washing
Wash clothes only when dirty rather than after every wearing out of habit
Hang clothes on line to dry, or in basement when raining
Not feel obligated to give expensive gifts for weddings, etc., justto keep up with the Joneses or just because they gave us an expensive wedding gift 12 years ago
Make almost all our own gifts
Sell stuff on eBay that we've been holding onto for who knows why
Take stuff to other people's garage sales when invited (esp. if someone else has already advertised it!)
Realize that stocking up on an item just because it's on sale doesn't make financial sense if it would have to go on credit with interest to have it now!
Make smaller meals (Bob's not very good about eating leftovers, so I'd rather make less or usually freeze it before it hits the table)
Make my own cloth mama pads (easy to do — I'll share directions if you want, even a folded up washcloth works!)
Keep grandmas informed of children's clothes sizes and needs (otherwise they'll just keep buying more dresses they don't need)
Be happy with the fact that our house is not decorated and if I want a new curtain or something make it out of fabric I have
Cut up other items to sew new things (a single wool sweater became legwarmers, mittens, breast pads and cloth diaper cover)
Admit freely that I'm broke, swallow pride so I don't end up going in on things I can't afford
Addy is interested in every kind of class, lesson, club or sport she ever hears of, so we choose the ones that fit into our family's goals the best and don't cost too much (soccer and tee ball instead of more costly gymnastics and dance), 4-H, etc.
Train my children to understand marketers and their goals. (It works.)
Homeschool. While I end up paying for public education with my taxes and spending money on curriculum materials for my kids, I still think that having my children at home helps them focus on what's important and not what's not (video anything, designer anything, the newest and coolest anything).
Try to seek out bartering opportunities (haven't done it yet and if anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear them): I wish I knew people who needed my sewing skills or some maple syrup in exchange for haircuts and piano lessons, for example.
Call our Realtor every week hoping our house sells!
Sell maple syrup from the family sugarbush!
Decide that we're not going to put anything on credit

My turtle video has surpassed 20,000 views on YouTube

2008-07-16T18:41:00.001-04:00

Wow, a lot of people have nothing better to do. Including me.

I welcome you to have a laugh at my expense: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eSl-dMFwoQ

Quiz: What do I have in common with 1984 Olympic gold medalist Mary Wayte?

2008-07-07T11:11:00.003-04:00

A. Gorgeous blond hair, youthful skin and a winning smile.

B. A love of swimming, only one of us is better at it than the other.

C. Pure athletic prowess.

D. Enjoying life as a homeschooling mom with two daughters.

E. Both B and D.

Correct answer: E

Mary Wayte on her induction to her university's hall of fame:

"It is an extraordinary honor. I'm homeschooling my two children now, and sometimes the biggest event in my day is cutting crust off of a sandwich. So that people actually remember what you've done, and feel like it's something worth honoring, it's just really fun. At the same time, I wouldn't trade my life right now for anything."

— From: http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=1200&u_sid=10375494

Our day, a sampling.

2008-07-02T20:55:00.005-04:00

Our summer days have been varied, but today has been especially nice and a good picture of what we’re up to. We started the day checking on our first attempt at homemade yogurt that I left to set overnight. It worked! We mixed in some homemade strawberry jam we made a couple weeks ago from berries we picked ourselves.

Then we just hung out at home, watching “Bridge to Terabitha” that we rented from the library with a coupon Addy was given for reaching her goal in the summer reading program. It's a great movie and we can't wait to read the book (backwards, I know). Addy said, "That movie changed my whole world." We cancelled our satellite service and get no channels, so the occasional movie is our only TV now.

We hung clothes on the line, which the girls seem to think is fun for some reason. It was nice to be outside in the fresh air. The fact that we can see 32 wind turbines from our yard means we're in a great spot for drying clothes outside. We watered our flowers and let the later rain take care of the vegetable garden.

When Bob got home, he took Dori to return the movie while I helped Addy make caps, scarves and petticoats out of an old bedsheet to transform their Laura Ingalls pioneer costumes into Colonial period costumes. We’re going to see a reading of the Declaration of Independence at a historic courthouse on the 4th and costumes are encouraged. It was Addy's first attempt at using the serger, and I’m sewing the remaining parts of the costumes now.

Bob and the girls went to release some frogs we have been raising for several weeks since they were tadpoles. They walked to a ditch at the end of the road in the rain.

Bob is readying to make a batch of Juustoa squeaky cheese. I brought back milk from the farm. Addy is anxious to have it for our bedtime snack.

Once the costumes are done, I'll take advantage of having the rolled edge plate on the serger to make some cloth napkins. I intend to never buy a package of paper napkins again.

Other than that, we’ve been swimming a lot and just playing outside. We read a lot. It’s so fun to watch my daughter learn to enjoy reading on her own now. We do the summer reading program at the library and Bob gave one of the presentations, about insects. The YMCA gives swimming lessons at the farm as part of a backyard learn-to-swim program, so the girls get free lessons.

Addy is looking forward to taking 4-H projects to the fair. Her Little League tee ball season just wound up and she’s looking forward to August as she says, “I think I’m more of a soccer girl.” Bob and I will coach her team.

I’ve been working on a flyer and gathering ideas to start a homeschool group in our area.

Ham, Egg and Cheese Crock Pot Casserole

2008-06-22T00:44:00.003-04:00

I made this up, a hybrid of a couple recipes online and what was in my fridge. I didn't really measure anything. It's in my crock pot now so we can make it to the early summer church service on time — or at least so breakfast isn't the reason we're late.

8 slices of bread, torn up

1 cup chopped ham

2 T. diced green pepper

1 cup grated cheddar cheese
4 eggs
1 cup milk
1 T. diced onion
1 t. parsley

Grease inside of crock pot. Layer bread, ham, green pepper and cheese. (I made 4 layers.) Beat eggs with milk, onion and parsley. Pour egg mixture over top of layers. Cook on low overnight.

I have the prettiest place in the country.

2008-06-20T12:02:00.005-04:00

My parents subscribe to a magazine with a standing feature called "Prettiest Place in the Country." It showcases farmsteads that are beautifully landscaped, often with gorgeous water features, elaborate flower beds, stately gazebos and lush lawns.

My backyard would never qualify for the magazine feature. Nonetheless, I think I'm the one with the prettiest place, and for reasons that wouldn't meet anyone else's standards. Here's why:

There are holes throughout the yard. That's where Addy dug up worms to add to her collection. The collection, by the way, is an ice cream bucket that sits as a permanent yard ornament over by the rhubarb patch.
Dirt paths are worn into the grass under each swing and the trapeze bar — a sign the swingset is well utilized. And we've only lived here four months.
The clothesline dips low in the middle, so low that clothes hang on the ground as they dry unless I prop it up with a metal bar. I thought about fixing it, but then Dori wouldn't be able to reach. For some reason hanging clothes on the line is the girls' idea of a good time and — don't tell them — it's mine, too.
A plastic sword lies in wait near the big pine. I'm a pacifist when it comes to children's toys (and only children's toys). While I don't allow my own kids to own these fake weapons, this one came from the boys one house over and is a sign that our yard is the neighborhood place to be. I like it that way.
Four odd flip flops grace the grass near the slide, telling me the girls found something interesting outside to distract them.
The pear tree has a gnarly stub toward the bottom where a branch broke off. Apparently some little boys in the neighborhood came over while we weren't home and climbed the dwarf tree, snapping off the branch. The old man next door scared them away, then his wife called us later to report their shenanigans. I'm just glad the kids found something interesting in the tree. And I hope it was fun.

My backyard may never appear in a magazine, but it's beautiful to me.

My baby has had a very bad day.

2008-06-18T21:52:00.003-04:00

7:15 a.m.—Dori wakes up 2 hours earlier than normal.

7:30 a.m.—Uncle Dale offers to take her on an errand in his truck, then locks her and the keys in it after buckling her securely in her carseat. She can't get out. It seems like an hour, probably more like 30 minutes before Luke arrives with the spare.

9:15 a.m.—Dori's swimming lesson is cancelled. Too darn cold.

1 p.m.—Addy gets to try on a flowergirl dress and pretty red shoes at the shop downtown. Dori does not. She is ticked. We throw a jumper over her clothes and call it good, then whip it off and leave the store, nearly late for the dentist now.

1:29 p.m.—On the way to Dori's 1:30 p.m. dentist appointment, her mother (that's me), realizes she has forgotten her wallet at the store. Quick call: They'll hold it.

1:30 p.m.—Time to rush into the dentist, just in time. Dori poops. Needs a diaper change. Bad. In the parking lot. No wipes.

2 p.m.—The root of the tooth in question is dying. It needs to be pulled.

2:30 p.m.—Cavity filled, tooth pulled, not so bad. Except for the missing tooth. And blood. And now no one will let her have any gum.

4 p.m.—Back to the farm. Wants to play. Mama says no, we must get in the car and get to sister's tee-ball game. Forced into carseat against will.

7:30 p.m.—Attempting to climb the playground ladder at the ballpark, Dori falls backward from a couple rungs up and lands flat on her back. Wind knocked out of her. Mama picks her up and thinks she's fine until her eyes roll back into her head, her body tenses up and flails backward (ER doc later tells us she passed out momentarily). Mama freaks out. EMS tech happens to be at game and reassures us, directs us to drive her to the hospital. Everything OK, CAT done because she had a concussion earlier this year. Scan was normal. Apparently she has a short vasovagal response and passes out with head injury.

9:30 p.m.—Back home.

Update from Arizona Pizza

2008-06-17T14:02:00.002-04:00

I received this official response today. The restaurant is claiming the mother misrepresented the actual events. I dunno.

This is probably the best perspective, from http://womenshealthnews.wordpress.com/2008/06/09/let-me-tell-you-where-you-can-put-that-napkin-another-woman-illegally-told-to-stop-breastfeeding/: There have been some reports that this story was made up, and that the pizza place has video proving that it did not happen as reported. I cautioned earlier that it had not yet been properly vetted, but that businesses in states with breastfeeding laws should review them, as this type of incident does occur.

Arizona Pizza restaurants were created to provide a casual, family oriented atmosphere where people gather to enjoy great food in comfortable surroundings and where all customers are treated with respect and dignity. Our corporate policy is to make sure all guests are treated fairly and can comfortably enjoy their experience at any and all times while also abiding by all state and local laws. In a situation where a guest became offended by a nursing mother, it is our policy to relocate that guest to another area of the restaurant, as the mother has the right to nurse. Any transgression of this policy is taken seriously by the franchisor as well as the franchisee, as was the recent case in Ft. Myers, Fl. After the franchisee at the located reviewed the security tape of the entire episode, there appears to be a misrepresentation by the mother of the actual events, which have been noted on her interview with FOX. However, we have launched a training session on this topic and have incorporated new material into our training manual to prevent any future incidents of this nature.

We hope you have an opportunity to visit our restaurants so you are able to witness for yourself the type of customer service we always strive to deliver.

William L. Stevens, President

The Incompetent Housewife is getting smaller.

2008-06-17T13:34:00.003-04:00

Or at least she's working on it.

We have a history of adult-onset diabetes in the family, so this week when I felt fuzzy after a long day I checked my blood sugar with my mother's meter and it was 137. Uh oh.

I have decided to take action and I'll be posting my progress here.

Last night: Walked 1.36 mile to park and back, playing a little tee ball in between.

Today: Walked 1 mile with a walking-aerobics video at home.

Nursing mother harrassed at Arizona Pizza

2008-06-10T00:28:00.003-04:00

As long as this keeps happening, I'll keep writing letters.

Dear [Arizona Pizza management listed here],

I read an article about an incident at Arizona Pizza at http://www.winknews.com/younews/19634434.html (summary pasted below) that disappointed me a great deal. I’m writing to ask you to clarify your policies and train your staff on the laws protecting babies’ rights to breastfeed in public. I also respectfully request that you offer a sincere and personal apology to Nicole Newland and her child.

I understand that your server harassed Ms. Newland as she fed her baby in your restaurant. Please tell me this was an unfortunate case of a single, poorly trained worker and not reflective of your company’s policies.

I look forward to your response.

Thanks for your time,
Sue [last name]
Breastfeeding mother

Told to stop breastfeeding at Arizona Pizza
Posted on: Jun 7, 2008 at 9:45 PM EDT
"Tonight my sister, her boyfriend, my three month old daughter Catalina, and I all went out to dinner at a local restaurant, Arizona Pizza in Fort Myers (off of Winkler). Catalina got hungry and so I discreetly began to nurse her. Within moments, a server, Irene, came over to me and asked me to stop nursing or cover up, and then she TRIED TO COVER MY BABY WITH A NAPKIN!! I told her several times, as politely as possible that I would not do either of those things as Florida law didn't require me too and in fact protected my right to breastfeed in public. She tried to cover Catalina a few more times and then asked me to nurse facing the wall, which I also refused to do. Afterwards, she went behind the bar and began pointing at me and getting all of the wait staff to turn and stare at us."

Can I eat this while breastfeeding?

2008-06-10T00:09:00.004-04:00

I just read a poor article called "Eating for Breastfeeding" on another blog. Here's the comment I sent to correct its gross misinformation.

Thank you for addressing this important topic; however, your information is seriously incorrect. Most women do not need to drastically change their diets or fluids intake to successfully breastfeed. It almost seems as if this article was written with the sole sources being hearsay and folktales. I would be happy to provide accurate information to replace this. Feel free to contact me for details.

In short:

It is no longer generally accepted that women use 500 calories per day for lactation. That number may be closer to 300 calories, but what's more important is that the woman look at her own nutrition needs as she consider how much and what she eats. A woman who has some weight to lose may not need to consume any extra calories to breastfeed successfully.
A breastfeeding mother should drink to thirst. Artificial guidelines about amounts to consume are not helpful. It's a good idea to keep a bottle or glass of water handy throughout the day as a reminder to keep well hydrated.
While it is theoretically possible that chocolate could bother a nursing child, most women eat a varied diet with no problems. Chocolate would be much lower on the list of foods to consider should food intolerances or allergies be suspected. (The caffiene may be the more likely culprit in caffiene anyway.)
There is no need to issue a blanket edict against eating anything during breastfeeding. What a woman can eat during lactation is highly variable by culture. In some cultures, women are encouraged to eat lots of things that other cultures forbid entirely! It is based on tradition and not fact. (Consuming illicit drugs, smoking, or taking in large amounts of alcohol or caffiene, on the other hand, are universally accepted as poor choices.)
Go ahead and avoid greasy foods because they aren't part of a healthful diet, but not because they'll have the kind of impact on the baby that this article suggests.
It is an old myth that breastfeeding mothers should not eat spicy foods. Consider what women in Thailand, Mexico or other cultures regularly eat while successfully breastfeeding their babies!
The article is correct in its assertion that it is best to avoid large amounts of caffiene. The drug does pass into the infant's body and affects the child. Reasonable amounts are acceptable (a cup of coffee in the morning, for example, is just fine; a pot may not be).

For up-to-date, accurate information, I suggest mothers look to La Leche League, the breastfeeding support organization. They can find a local Leader by visiting www.llli.org. Read FAQs about nutrition while breastfeeding at http://www.llli.org/NB/NBmaternalnutrition.html.

Lesson learned.

2008-05-29T02:53:00.002-04:00

You can do a lot of things one-handed while holding a sleeping toddler. Apparently baking is not one of them.

Top 10 Must-Haves for your Baby

2008-05-18T01:10:00.002-04:00

I wrote this article three years ago, while pregnant with Dori. Published here by popular demand.

Now that I’m expecting a new baby, my mailbox has been stuffed with an onslaught of mommy magazines. Only days after telling our parents I’m pregnant, the marketing gurus somehow found out, too. They promptly put me on their mailing lists — all of them. I flipped through a stack of the typical publications and was appalled by the common theme: “Great Baby Gear for your Lifestyle,” “Just Out: Must-haves for Mom, Dad, and Baby,” “The Baby Product I Couldn’t Live Without” (actual titles).

I admit, when I was pregnant with our daughter, now 3, I fell for too much of it. Congratulations, advertising executives. By the time Addy arrived we had crammed far too many square feet of our modest 900-square-foot house with a crib, cradle, playpen, highchair, bouncy seat, infant swing, doorway jumper, stroller and stationary walker — just to name a few. And let’s not forget the lotions and potions, breast pump and accessories, special laundry detergent, baby monitor, clothes and toys.

Now that I know better, I created a new and improved list of the top 10 more natural items we absolutely must have for our new baby. Maybe these will work for you, too.

10. A pair of breasts. Whether you have one, two or more babies, a pair of breasts is all you need to provide custom-made nutrition that’s perfectly portable, always available, just the right temperature and fresh from the tap. If you have only one breast, even that’s sufficient; the March/April 2005 issue of Mothering magazine featured a mother who successfully nourished her twins on one breast after the other was removed (“One Breast is Enough,” issue 129). Add the comfort that nursing babies receive and the relaxation for mother, and your breasts form a perfect package.

9. A safe place to sleep, preferably next to a warm body. My friend Sarah, already a wise mom to a 4-month-old baby, regrets spending a thousand dollars on a finely crafted crib and all the trimmings. I regret that when my sisters agreed to help me sew during my first pregnancy, we went to work wasting hours of time and yards of fabric making matching crib and cradle bedding (complete with coordinated dust ruffles) when any firm surface next to my warm body was all my daughter needed to sleep. Now that I’m expecting a second child, I asked my sisters to again help me prepare. This time, we’ll spend our time crafting cloth diapers and spare slings. And in contrast to what some do with baby on the way, we’ll be taking down the never-used crib. It was never used unless you count its roles as gigantic laundry basket and home for wayward stuffed animals.

8. Something soft and warm to wear. Clothes don’t even need to be cute (your little one would shine in a flour sack) or abundant — they can be based on your budget. And it doesn’t have to sport a fancy logo across the chest to be effective. While I admit I do love to dress my daughter in cute things, my favorites are those that were lovingly handmade by family members and those that I bought at garage sales for a dime to a dollar.

Warm and soft also work well to cover the baby’s bottom. Add adequate absorbency and you’re good to go.

7. A mom without a wristwatch. At a baby shower friends threw for me, each guest was asked to write a bit of advice for the new mom. I still have the 3- by 5-inch index cards and enjoy rereading them from time to time. The most valuable tip came from my own mother: “Don’t believe everything you’re told or read.” That gave me license to promptly ignore one woman’s advice: “Put the baby on a schedule.” Addy sleeps when she is tired and eats when she is hungry. That kind of day allows me to enjoy my daughter and take advantage of another woman’s tip: “The housework will still be there when she is 18.”

While lack of a watch is helpful, a willingness to accept motherhood mistakes, learn from them and move on is crucial. I can claim expertise in this area; I’ve made my share of mistakes. A dose of common sense doesn’t hurt either.

6. Two loving parents who also love each other. I certainly understand that in some situations this simply isn’t possible. There’s no doubt that it is ideal, and no doubt that kids deserve ideal. When there’s love in the house, my hope is that the family will also provide the positive loving guidance kids need. Addy’s Great Grandma Powell, whose generation was generally more punitive than ours, wrote this straightforward tip on her baby shower index card: “Don’t spank.”

We’re fortunate that our children have a huge extended family, as well as two parents. Lots of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins mean plenty of love all around. An eager big sister and a full-time mom complete our picture.

5. A carseat. OK, it’s the only piece of plastic I deem essential. While I don’t advocate buying gear for no reason, this one is a must for the child who rides in a vehicle.

4. Books, lots of them. Addy owns more board books than our small-town library — no kidding. Toys come and go, and it’s no myth that children often enjoy the cardboard box and the bubble wrap more than the toy itself. (My husband likes to remind me that the Little House on the Prairie girls were happy with a corncob doll.) Books, however, last a lifetime. Some of Addy’s favorite gifts were my own childhood books, passed on to us by my teenage nieces and nephews after they had outgrown them. If budget is an issue, books don’t even need to be purchased. Borrowing books with a free library card fills the need.

3. A baby carrier. While I’m a big fan of my homemade slings, a pair of arms and maybe a hip or sturdy back work quite well. Even a bedsheet tied across the body works just fine. For primary use, I choose these over a stroller of any kind or any plastic baby bucket.

2. Supportive friends for you. I found many friends through my La Leche League group. I’m also lucky that my best grade-school friend turned out to be my version of supermom, and is still a good friend. If live bodies aren’t readily available, virtual substitutes can be found in Internet groups of like-minded parents. I also like to hear stories from real moms through subscriptions to useful magazines such as Mothering and New Beginnings.

After a hard day, only a mom friend could relate this tip that was recorded on one of my baby shower index cards: “Remember to keep your sense of humor. And know that you’ve done well if the baby is breathing with all the limbs attached at the end of the day.”

1. A committed mother who trusts herself and, even more important, trusts her baby. I’ve listened to countless, well-meaning grandmothers tell me how to take care of my baby, and even more strangers in check-out lines. It seems like I’ve read every book about how to raise children (92, to be exact). Some of those were helpful, others downright sadistic. But from all that I discovered only one truth: All I really need to be a successful mother … comes free with the natural package.

Baby Mama

2008-05-15T16:48:00.002-04:00

I haven't even seen it yet, but I can already tell my favorite movie line:

Childbirth instructor: How many of you are planning for a natural childbirth?

[Most of class raises hands.]

How many of you are planning to use toxic Western medicines to drug your babies for your own selfish comfort?

[Amy Poehler's character whoops it up]

Oprah showed a clip.

Don't dumb it down for me.

2008-05-14T11:39:00.004-04:00

The other day Addy's uncle mentioned a story in the news about a green puppy. Addy asked how it became green, and he said it was born that way. A few minutes later he told the same story to my sister and she asked the same question. This time he explained in detail the theory that the placenta's greenish color rubbed off on the puppy's coat in the womb. Addy (age 5) asked, "Why didn't you just tell me that?"

Don't worry, Uncle Jeff. It happens all the time.

Kids are short, and we assume they can't understand. In the name of making information age-appropriate, we go too far and dumb it down. I'd say the entire philosophy that Bob and I share for educating our children is based on the idea that they can understand. Maybe they don't catch every detail, but we expose them to all the facts.

People are often surprised at the things that come out of Addy's mouth — that she knows moths are nocturnal while butterflies are diurnal, and so on. While we think she is bright, other kids are just as intelligent. The difference is that we bother to give her real information.

This morning Addy was still thinking about the story of Daniel in the lion's den, which I read to her from Egermeier's Bible Story Book last week (great book!). Addy wanted to know why when she has heard the story before in other books or at Sunday School, they simply say that the men were jealous of Daniel, when really there's a lot more to the story.

We had a good chance to discuss this idea of dumbing things down for kids. It really bothers her. While she hasn't verbalized it this way, it seems as if she feels she is being cheated out of information just because she is a kid.

Addy told me, "Someday when I grow up, if I am a teacher I'll tell my kids the whole, whole, whole story!"

Texas polygamy sect breastfeeding issue: It's about the babies.

2008-05-06T12:58:00.004-04:00

Time magazine recently published another piece about the Texas polygamists in which the writer reported that, "For the nursing mothers, the judge offered a lesson in contemporary feminism ... ."

Caught in the middle is Texas judge Barbara Walther, who was asked to weigh
requests from the parents to hold twice-daily prayer meetings with the children
and to reunite nursing mothers with the 77 kids who are under age 2.

It's a complicated case and I don't pretend to know the details. Maybe the judge's decision to take these breastfed babies from their mothers was the right one, but her comment in the Time article is telling:

"Every day in this country there are thousands of mothers who, after six weeks'
maternity leave, must go back to work—and they deal with this issue."

That's where I begin to wonder. So that makes it right? While judges are professionals who are usually able to make reasonable decisions despite their personal experiences, in this case it sounds like Judge Walther is pretty short-sighted. Her glib comment tells me that while her decision may or may not be the right one, her logic is faulty. It almost sounds as if she herself is expressing some guilt about leaving a newborn baby to head back to work, or that maybe she has no children of her own, or that maybe she does and didn't get the support she needed to breastfeed successfully. I only hope I'm wrong.

What our society tends to forget it this: It's not about the nursing mothers. It's about the babies.

One report asked if the Texas mothers should have the right to breastfeed their babies. We hear this kind of thing all the time. Should women have the right to nurse in public? They're missing the point. Big time.

No one ever asks if the babies have the right to eat when and where they are hungry, or if the babies have the right to nutrition and comfort at their mothers' breasts.

An interesting note: A study presented to the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that lack of breastfeeding and mother-infant separation are both indicators of future risk of child abuse and neglect.

Throwing sand

2008-04-20T00:10:00.002-04:00

I just discovered my photo of Addy throwing sand at Lake Michigan was used here: http://www.healthylakes.org/stories/photograph/2007/08/12/throwing-sand

You're just trying to get us to buy all your stuff.

2008-04-02T03:20:00.003-04:00

Bob and I have apparently done a good job of raising a child aware of consumerism and not willing to let retailers do a mind-meld on her.

Addy, Dori and I were at the mall with my mother (we go to the mall rarely) and I decided to walk into Gymboree. The clerk greeted us with a super-cheesy, "We're still doing Gym-bucks!" as if I know what the buck that is.

She went on to tell us about all the great benefits we'd receive for spending at least $50 today (as if) and the discount we'd get off of $50 next time (big as if). Then, "And we just did a lot of markdowns, so there are sale items all over!"

Addy: "You're just trying to get us to buy all your stuff."

The clerk didn't even get the 5-year-old's sarcasm. So she went on to tell her, "Oh yes, there are lots of great buys today!"

When she said, "Girls, the TV is on in the back for you," that's when we left.

Why many mothers don't let their toddlers use scissors.

2008-03-28T00:48:00.023-04:00

"I could never teach my own children." And, "Schools give children socialization."

2008-03-26T12:49:00.003-04:00

I hear these statements all the time, of course from people who seem to think homeschooling is equivalent to child abuse. Here was my recent response to a blogger who posed these questions ... er ... statements. She is a public school teacher.

I'm curious why you think you couldn't teach your own children. I used to think that myself. That's a common misconception about homeschooling and I think it goes back to the whole classroom mindset with which we were all raised. (I say "we" because I attended public schools.) That mindset had me thinking that the teacher holds the knowledge and dispenses it to the students.

Once my children were born and I began to explore their educational options, I met homeschoolers who helped me understand otherwise. In my family, I am not the only teacher. I simply facilitate my children's learning; we use the whole world as our classroom. My goal is to raise eager, independent learners who know how to use various tools to access the world. In short, I can teach simple addition facts without any additional resources other than what's in my head. I'll be honest: I will not be able to teach trigonometry with only the information stored in my brain. However, I will be able to facilitate my children's learning by directing them to the resources they need to learn. That might be a book (the first thing our classroom mindset allows us to think about) or something entirely different. Chances are it will be real-life learning.

Homeschooling has been quite an adventure for our family so far. I have been able to learn new things (or long forgotten facts) along with my children. It's family learning at its best.

You mentioned that public/private school can give children socialization and group skills. My opinion is this: Those are but two areas that are important for children to learn. I will not sacrifice the rest of my children's learning only so they can access socialization and learn group skills in a forum that I think is inferior anyway. Instead, I expose them to genuine social experiences.

Let me explain. One of my daughters is 5 years old. If I sent her to the public school two miles from my home, she would be in a kindergarten classroom all day, five days a week, with one teacher, maybe an assistant, and about 15 other 5-year-olds. (Their average class size is 15.8 students in the elementary school.) So from whom would my daughter be getting her socialization? From 15 other 5-year-olds. As a teacher, you may have spent time with a group of 15 5-year-olds recently. While I find them energetic and delightful, I don't think I need to explain any more. (But let me know if I do.)

Instead, I expose my daughter to real-world social situations. She gets far more chances to interact with our extended family that time would allow if she were in a classroom all day (great grandma, grandparents, aunts and uncles), and she interacts with real people each day ranging from our nice postmaster to the clerk at the grocery store and from the farmer down the road to our elderly neighbor. That's real life.

I worked in an office environment until my first child was born. Never did I work with a group of only 30-year-olds. I had to know how to work with a variety of people of all ages from all walks of life, from my 60-something secretary to the 20-something graphic designer I supervised and the 40-something advertising sales person.

We're an active family and that gives my children plenty of opportunities to interact with other children, too, all in settings guided by me and other caring adults. They include 4-H, a soccer team, Sunday School, gymnastics class and more.

There are two things my children cannot do well, and I blame it on homeschooling. They don't know how to stand in line, and they don't know to raise their hands and wait to be called on.

I can certainly do without those.

If you're going to slam an organization, at least get your facts straight.

2008-03-10T20:11:00.005-04:00

Here's my letter to Misha Davenport, who wrote “To nurse or not? Moms feel pushed to nurse” in the March 7 Chicago Sun-Times. Basically, he used one source to say that La Leche League has a "pushier attitude" toward mothers. Judge the situation for yourself, but he really needed to use facts in his article. You surely know that I'm pushy, but the organization? No. It's right in its mission that it helps mothers who choose to breastfed. Heck, maybe it should be pushy. What if this headline read, "To use carseats or not? Moms feel pushed to safely buckle their children," and went on to say that some La Car Safety League pressured mothers to make the right choice for their children? Is that pushy? Or is it for the good of our babies?

I read your article “To nurse or not? Moms feel pushed to nurse” in the online edition of the Chicago Sun-Times. I’m sorry the mother Jami Brownlee feels as if she had a bad experience with La Leche League. Thank you for reporting that another mother found the organization “a godsend.” In my experience as a mother, I have found the latter to be the case for myself and many, many women and babies whose lives are positively impacted by volunteer La Leche League Leaders around the world.

As a former journalist in the trade press, I was surprised by your article. I was trained to avoid initiating a piece based on a single person with a bone to pick, and if I thought the issue was more rampant, I was to use more than one person as a source. You wrote, “Yet some moms say there's been a shift to a pushier attitude,” then go on to tell readers about one mother who feels that way. The second source mother believes the La Leche League group (not a chapter) was "a godsend."

The second mother seemed have a problem with hearing that one bottle feeding can cause nipple confusion. I’m thankful that she and her baby found that not to be the case. I personally experienced a similar situation with my first child in which that one bottle fed at the hospital did cause nipple confusion for my newborn girl. My baby and I struggled for the next six weeks to correct it. Thanks to a La Leche League Leader, we were able to overcome the bottle-caused nipple confusion. I’d be glad to share scientific data regarding the facts of nipple confusion if you like, including peer-reviewed medical journal articles proving it does happen. Thankfully, there are alternatives to “flushing” jaundice from a baby’s system and even if artificial feeding is used, there are alternatives to bottle feeds such as cups, spoons or syringes.

I appreciate that you attempted to approach this story from an unbiased perspective by interviewing both the mother who chose to bottle-feed and the La Leche League Leader. However, I wonder if you read the La Leche League Philosophy (pasted in full below). If you read it, you’ll find that what you reported is not what the philosophy says.

You wrote, “Some women have taken issue with parts of the organization's 10-point philosophy, including the assertions that mothers need to be alert and active during childbirth (no epidurals or drugs of any kind) … .” If you read the actual philosophy, you’ll find that the statement simply says active and alert participation is a help. It says, “Alert and active participation by the mother in childbirth is a help in getting breastfeeding off to a good start.” It mentions nothing about epidurals or drugs. Your interpretation is quite a leap. Even a woman who has a c-section — something most people would probably agree requires drugs — can find ways to have more active and alert participation. She may ask for a partial block when appropriate rather than general anesthesia (uncommon anyway); she may ask to hold the baby as soon as possible after birth; she may choose to nurse her baby in the recovery room rather than waiting. These are all ways to get some help from active and alert participation, drugs or not. Of course there are ways to get even more active and alert participation in birth that I’d be glad to share if you like.

You also claim La Leche League says, “… that they must breast-feed for at least a year and a half (the AAP recommends up to a year; the World Health Organization says two) … .” I’m not even sure where you may have received this information to be misinterpreted this way. I wonder if you partially read or skimmed the La Leche League statement about solid foods as I can’t figure out where else you would have gotten anything like this. That statement says, “For the healthy, full-term baby, breast milk is the only food necessary until the baby shows signs of needing solids, about the middle of the first year after birth.” That simply tells us babies don’t need extra foods such as baby food or cereal until about 6 months old. I’m curious if that is what was misread, or if it was something else.

Thank you for reporting the AAP and WHO recommendations, however, please note that the way you reported these was inaccurate. It’s evident you didn’t read the actual statements, which can be found by a simple Google search on the organizations’ web sites. You wrote, “… the AAP recommends up to a year … .” The actual policy from the American Academy of Pediatrics says, “It is recommended that breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired.” (Source: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;100/6/1035.) That is far different from “up to a year.”

The same goes for the World Health Organization statement. Please note the words “or beyond” in their strategy. In their Global Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding, the WHO asserts, “All mothers should have access to skilled support to initiate and sustain exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months and ensure the timely introduction of adequate and safe complementary foods with continued breastfeeding up to two years or beyond.” (Source: http://www.wpro.who.int/media_centre/fact_sheets/fs_20070801.htm.)

I appreciate your noting the needs of single mothers and lesbian couples. I agree these are important. However, you again misrepresented La Leche League philosophy. You wrote, “… and that a father's involvement is essential (sorry, single moms and lesbian couples).” As a writer, I’m sure you appreciate the nuances of words. Choosing to use different words than the La Leche League philosophy really says changes the meaning — and not only in a subtle manner. The philosophy actually uses words such as “enhanced” and “important.” Nowhere does it say it is essential. Actual statement: “Breastfeeding is enhanced and the nursing couple sustained by the loving support, help, and companionship of the baby's father. A father's unique relationship with his baby is an important element in the child's development from early infancy.”

Thanks for reading this.

Click to read La Leche League Philosophy.

I'm cramming an otter into a Pringles can.

2008-02-25T11:59:00.005-05:00

These two statements will get me through some busy days:

"Someone once told me that homeschooling and being a full time homemaker, wife and mother is like 'cramming an otter into a Pringles can.' It's just darned near impossible. That's the way life is for me, but it's working."

"Sometimes I forget I'm in the business of raising children and not of getting things done. I have to keep checking on the children and their progress and not worry about how the house looks."

—homeschooling mother Amber Galbraith, as quoted by Connie Goff in the Maryville Daily Forum, Maryville, Mo., Feb. 20, 2008

Who needs Barney? Sparty is where it's at.

2008-02-22T03:34:00.004-05:00

She's yelling, "There Sparty!"

If my head hasn't exploded yet, maybe it never will.

2008-02-22T03:12:00.005-05:00

All this happened in one, 24-hour period. This is what 2-year-olds are like. Happy 2nd birthday, Dori!

First Dori shoved six toothbrushes down the bathroom sink drain before bed. The pop-up on the drain was broken, so she just saw a black hole of opportunity. This picture was taken the next night. She's showing me that she's NOT shoving her toothbrush down the drain.

After lunch I dared to take a phone call from a friend. In just a couple minutes she did this with her black marker. I told her that she's supposed to color on her paper. Her response? "I did!" Well, yeah, but ...

At night we went into the bathroom — again after only leaving her a couple minutes — to find a new $3.99 box of Q-tips all over the floor, wrapped up in three partially unravelled rolls of dental floss.

This evening she made mountains out of strawberry yogurt on the kitchen table while eating her snack. No picture. I can't stand it any longer.

Normal breastfeeding challenged again.

2008-02-18T18:05:00.004-05:00

A mother in Florida stopped by her daughter's school so they could eat lunch together. She breastfeed her other child as they sat at the school picnic table. Can you guess where this one is going?

A teacher and the principal asked the mother to stop breastfeeding. Read the full story: http://www.sptimes.com/2008/02/17/Northpinellas/Nursing_mom_asked_to_.shtml

Here's the letter I e-mailed to the principal, with a copy to his secretary and superintendent.

Dear Dr. Whitney,

I read an article in the online edition of the St. Petersburg Times that disappointed me a great deal. I do hope you offer a sincere and personal apology to Alicia Norris and her children very soon if you have not done so already. If so, thank you.

I understand that a teacher complained about the mother breastfeeding her child at the school and that you and the teacher asked her to stop. While I’m thankful that the law protects the child’s right to breastfeed in public and I appreciate that the school board representative admitted you were “off base” (as reported in the article), it’s still disappointing that this happened.

I hope you realize how important it is to support children’s right to breastfeed in public for the sake of our children’s well-being, and not only for the sake of following the law. As an educator, I’m sure you do have all children’s well-being at the top of your list of priorities. Babies and young children need to eat just as older children and adults do in school cafeterias and elsewhere. Dr. Whitney, please realize that by asking the mother not to breastfeed, you were creating an annoyance for her, but the person you were really hurting was her toddler.

In the article, you said, "I asked her not to do it in front of small children." Dr. Whitney, small children probably see their younger siblings at home being breastfed all the time. If not, they should be exposed to what is biologically normal. I assume that some aspects of health and biology are part of your school’s curriculum and I’m sure that you strive to provide nutritional meals in your school lunches. Would a mother feeding her baby a bottle on your school grounds (contrary to everything science tells us about what’s normal for children’s health, biology and nutrition) have been subjected to the same scrutiny?

Dr. Whitney, I strongly encourage you to not only inform your teachers about the law, but educate them about the importance of breastfeeding (wherever a child is, whenever he needs to eat) for the healthy development of children. Breastfeeding is normal. It is not something to be relegated to bathrooms and closets. What is your plan for educating your staff?

I look forward to your response.

Thanks for
your time,

Sue
Breastfeeding mother

Let the homeschooled kids speak.

2008-02-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

We hear plenty from parents about what they think about homeschooling. Here are some awesome videos by homeschooled kids.

Announcing the winners of the Laurel Springs "What's Cool About Homeschool?" video contest.

The choking-on-an-eraser freak-out.

2008-02-09T22:50:00.000-05:00

One day after Dori suffered the mild concussion, I came real close to taking her to the ER again.

Yesterday afternoon I noticed something white in her mouth and then saw a mechanical pencil, sans eraser, lying on the floor. Rather than just tell her to spit it out, I did the stupidest possible thing. I stuck my finger in her mouth to retrieve it. I swept my finger across her tongue and managed to shove the eraser right down her throat. Seriously, I can't even believe how dumb and dangerous that was. They always say, if your child is choking and you need to sweep their mouth to remove the object, make real sure you see where it is so you don't make matters worse. Well I made matters worse.

She wasn't even choking, so I didn't need to do anything drastic at that point. At the point I saw it the eraser was still at the front of her mouth.

In a split second I tried to figure out what to do next. Should I try to stick two fat fingers in and get it out? (Don't worry, I ruled out that option.) Should I have her cough it up? Should I call 911? Should I have her swallow it down? Should I turn her upside down and shake? Have I ruined my baby?

I told her to cough and started hacking myself to show her how. She just looked at me funny and saw how scared I was, then started to cry. I figured she was breathing and then commonsense (finally!) set in and I realized that breathing is really good and that crying can't happen if the child is not breathing. The eraser was really tiny, and although they say a toddler's trachea is about the size of their pinky finger, it seemed like this would go down. I checked inside her mouth and it seemed like it must be down by now.

I tried to get her to drink water to make sure it was down and not lodged in her throat, but she was crying so hard by then she just wouldn't do it. So, again probably not the smartest move, but I was desperate, I offered her some medicine. She had been taking some for her headaches from the concussion and I knew she would be willing to swallow it. I gave her the smallest possible amount of liquid Children's Motrin just to get her to swallow something. Then she was willing to wash that down with big gulps of water.

I kept watching her all afternoon just to make sure she was OK.

I had in mind the time my friend's son swallowed a quarter. He was 5 and told his dad right away, who called the ambulance. The paramedics checked him out and said he was fine, but a couple days later he kept complaining his throat hurt and didn't even want to drink so his mom took him to the doctor. It was a good thing because the quarter had lodged in his throat. My friend showed me photos later and the coin was about the same size as his trachea. Fortunately it was in at an angle so he could still breathe. Had it tipped, who knows what would have happened? He had it surgically removed and all of us in our group were sure to hide the coins from the kids.

The concussion freak-out.

2008-02-07T21:11:00.000-05:00

I've spent the last two weeks of my life in an out of the hospital. I'm thankful it was just a kidney stone and nothing serious, but wow it was painful. It lodged and had to be surgically removed, then I'm apparently one of the few who react to removal of a uretal stent with intense kidney and bladder spasms. Those were no picnic either. And usually they go away quickly, but not mine.

This all comes as we're preparing to move across the state next week.

Today we had another trip to the emergency room, this time for Dori, who will turn 2 in a couple weeks.

She was running in wool socks on our wood floor when she fell and hit her head (on what I don’t know as I was on my knees in the kitchen cleaning Uncle Jeff's fabulous spaghetti casserole off the floor under her highchair after lunch). Dori cried, walked into the kitchen, then as soon as I got to her she flopped down on her face on the floor. I picked her up and she started having what looked like a seizure in my arms. Scary stuff. Just then Maggie walked in the front door to help us pack, so she drove us to the ER — only after getting stuck in the 13 inches of snow that fell in the driveway last night. Maggie was able to rock the car out and we got there. Dori has a mild concussion, but is back to acting like her old self. She was even asking to play the Elmo game on the computer within a couple hours of being home.

Maybe I shouldn’t have cleaned the wood floor today. If it were sticky as usual it might have given her some traction.

Addy didn’t see what happened either because she was cleaning spaghetti casserole off the office floor. I still don’t know how that got there, just that Dori was the culprit.

Can we play Helen Keller?

2008-01-02T15:24:00.001-05:00

Bob and I have worked hard to expose the girls to characters from history, good characters in stories, and just plain people of character. We long ago banned Rugrats from our television screen, and along with them a slew of popular culture characters whose naughtiness is supposed to be cute. I love that Addy is obsessed with Laura Ingalls and interested in Johnny Appleseed.

Right now two sisters, also the children of careful parents, are here playing. One got bored with their activity, so she said, “Let’s play Helen Keller!” Another asked the third, “Can we play Helen Keller?”

They ran upstairs shouting, “Can I be Helen?”

Does this make me a bad mother?

2008-01-01T04:02:00.000-05:00

I give my toddler frozen Gogurt and tell her it’s ice cream.
When the girls receive new dolls with attached pacifiers or bottles, I break them off and pretend I don’t know what happened. Bob thinks the most recent one now perfectly meets our family goals of optimal infant feeding with appreciation for diversity: The baby has no bottle, but is now an African-American amputee. I didn’t mean for the whole forearm to break off. Really.
I’m too lazy put my toddler’s thumb in the thumb hole of her mittens.
I haven’t taught my 5-year-old to tie her shoes. And I have no plans to do so anytime soon. Do they make Velcro shoes for teenagers?
I feed Dori sunflower hearts to distract her while Addy and I do school — even though I know they’ll just end up wholly undigested in her diaper.
Usually I encourage the kids pick out their own outfits. And when I’m the one who picks out something that ends up looking funny, I pretend they did it.
I told Dori that Elmo (yes, the Sesame Street character) wants me to brush her teeth. Now she lets me.

Jesus is real. Santa is pretend.

2008-01-01T03:40:00.001-05:00

So says Addy.

It’s New Year’s Eve and Addy was mad at me today. Out of nowhere (she often conjures up past events) she remembered that on Christmas Eve when we got home from church I told Dori it was time to get ready for Santa Claus to come, but I didn’t tell her anything about Jesus.

Of course my goal that night was solely to get Dori in her pajamas. After six days to process all this, apparently Addy recognized the whole Santa thing as a farce. Here I was concerned about whether she was really getting that the whole way-overboard gift thing wasn’t the point and she thought she needed to remind me.

I sat Addy on the couch and Dori stood front of me while I told Dori the whole story of Mary giving birth to Jesus, all the way through the flight into Egypt. Dori wasn’t listening. She was traipsing around the living room in the her new high-heeled plastic princess shoes from Aunt Jana. But my attempt was enough to appease Addy and she was satisfied that I had told Dori the truth.

Addy decided that while Jesus is real, Santa is pretend.

I’m still not sure what she thinks of the letter to Santa thing and how we watched his progress around the world through NORAD on Google Earth on Christmas Eve. She hasn’t yet asked what was up with that. Or who is this "Water Lily" elf person who e-mailed a response to her Santa letter.

As parents, Bob and I have never been big on the Santa stuff. When Addy was born we decided not to lie to her, but then strangers in the grocery store blew it up into a big mess of ho ho hos. "What's Santa bringing you, little girl?" "Are you excited Santa Claus will be coming soon?" "Have you been good for Santa?" (Talk about strings attached.)

So rather than burst the bubble, we went along with it. We got the annual picture on Santa’s lap, went to the Santa parades, wrapped presents in special wrapping paper that we had to hide in the back of the closet to pretend they were from Santa.

It really bugged me this year. I asked a like-minded friend how she handled it. She said her parents never lied to her, so she wasn’t about to lie to her children either. As a 4-year-old she asked her mother if Santa was real, and she told her he lives in the land of make-believe. I like that. Have fun pretending, but no lie is involved. Apparently when the grocery-store-Santa-myth-perpetuators ask her 2-year-old what Santa will be bringing her for Christmas, the little girl’s entire reply is, "Pshaw."

The joys of having a reader.

2007-12-10T19:11:00.000-05:00

When I started teaching my daughter to read, I never imagined the pure joy it would bring to me. I knew it would be a lifelong skill that would bring her knowledge and pleasure; Bob and I are avid readers ourselves.

It's impossible to describe the pride I feel hearing her practice reading her lines for the church Christmas play. They're doing a readers' theatre this year and Addy has two parts. However haltingly her words are read, they are music to this mommy's ears.

"Fear not, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be
to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior,
which is Christ the Lord and this shall be a sign unto you: You shall find
the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."

and

"God wants everyone to be saved, and to come to the knowledge of the
truth."

The play is "No Strings Attached" by Arden Mead.

Please tell me this didn't really happen.

2007-12-02T19:49:00.000-05:00

So I was giving the girls a bath when I noticed two faint red arcs on Dori's little, fleshy, toddler bottom. On closer inspection, I determined these to be teeth marks.

"Addy! Did you bite your sister's butt?!?"

"No."

"Let me see your teeth! Open your mouth!" Hmm, the marks on Dori's butt looked remarkably similar to Addy's bite pattern — a tiny little space at the top, the bottom teeth angled in ever so slightly.

"Addy, you are not allowed to lie to your mother. Did you bite Dori's butt!?!"

"Yes," she said meekly, then added:

"But she liked it."

Dori spent the next two hours pointing to the spot, saying, "Addy bite butt. Addy bite butt."

My head really is going to explode.

You were bottlefed!

2007-11-19T20:33:00.000-05:00

I met a mother of five breastfed boys tonight who said the biggest insult her kids throw at each other when bickering is, “You were bottlefed!”

They weren’t, of course, but I guess that has replaced, “You belong to the milkman” or “Mom and Dad found you in a box.”

Better than a pocketful of posies.

2007-11-17T22:27:00.000-05:00

Cutest video ever. This was on a nice, sunny October 17.

The girl or boy section.

2007-11-17T20:40:00.000-05:00

“If I ever work in a store and I'm the owner of it, I would change the girl and boy sections to a girl or boy section and a boy or girl section.”

— My 5-year-old daughter, Addy, who has noticed that for some strange reason the clothes in the boy section have dinosaurs and tractors on them and the clothes in the girl section have butterflies and kitties. But she says she draws the line at boys wearing dresses. And for the record, she loves dinosaurs, tractors, butterflies and kitties.

Dori's waterbirth.

2007-11-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

Water has always been soothing to me. I grew up on a big farm with a swimming pool in the middle of it. From infancy on, I spent a lot of time in that pool. I’m the youngest of 8 kids so there was always someone to watch me as I first learned to swim without arm floaties, then progress to tricks like doing back flips off the diving board. A couple weeks ago my mom joked that I practically lived in my bathing suit in the summertime. My sister Beth let her know that I really did. That was news to Mom; she often sent me to change and I came back with clothes or pajamas on top of my bathing suit. I would swim all day, sleep in my bathing suit, then get up and do it all over again. When Mom sent me to get ready for church, I’d take a bottle of shampoo to the pool. Often I would just float. I could even fall asleep floating on my back in the pool. So peaceful.

In the first house my husband and I bought, my bathtub was my refuge when I had pre-menstrual cramps. The water relieved enough weight and pressure that I felt better as long as I was in the tub. That was a short, shallow little tub with rust stains from our rural well water. But it was still a haven.

When I became pregnant with our first daughter, Addy, it was back to the tub. I have a newspaper from the day she was born. A front-page headline reads, “Hottest summer on record.” My heavy, hot pregnant body again found refuge in the cool water.

My non-water, hospital birth
Addy was born in a hospital — I never heard of anything different. It was wonderful because my beautiful Addy came out of it, but once I learned I had options, I would never go back to a hospital to birth again. Intervention led to intervention and I was left with a newborn who couldn’t latch (many factors, but our birth experience didn’t help) and a spinal headache that pounded for a week every time my head was higher than my feet. My water broke before I went to the hospital, so my labor was augmented with Pitocin. (Had I been left alone I think I still would have delivered well within 24 hours, a guideline to prevent infection that I disagree with anyway since they stuck their hands in to “check” me many times, surely introducing new bacteria each time.) The Pitocin brought on hard and fast contractions that had me asking for relief, so I was given Demerol — yes, a narcotic. With all my reading, classes and prenatal visits, I had never been educated about what the stages of birth felt like, so the intensity of transition had me asking for an epidural. I thought, “This is what birth must be like.” I thought that part would never end. The anesthesiologist was unable to get the needle into the space in my spine, so I didn’t have an epidural anyway, only the lovely spinal headache afterward.

Fortunately Addy came out easily. Good thing because I was flat on my back in a hospital bed. I didn’t even really push with her. The doctor wasn’t there yet and the nurse told me to wait. I didn’t, and after three little pushes — none of them really bearing down — she was out and the doctor was there to catch her.

We moved to a new part of the state when Addy was 14 months. Our new house has a pool in the backyard, so Addy is quickly taking on my love of the water.

Planning for waterbirth
When I became pregnant with Addy’s little sister, Dori, I called the midwife in our community. When I heard she had a waterbirth tub, I was ecstatic. I had heard of waterbirth. I remember seeing a news report about it on TV in the ’80s. I didn’t think it was something real people did though. I had no idea it would be an option for me.

We’re lucky our midwife had the portable pool from Waterbirth International. As a rural midwife she couldn’t afford the tub herself, but a previous client had purchased it for her in lieu of payment.

Later when doing some reading in preparation for Dori’s birth (the right books this time, not the silly girlfriend and what-to-expect books I read before Addy’s birth) I read The Birth Book by William and Martha Sears. Martha is mother of 8 and a registered nurse. She compared laboring in water to taking Demerol, saying that both took the edge off. I was already game for waterbirth, but this was sounding even better.

I found a Yahoo group dedicated to homebirth and many of the women had used or were planning to use waterbirth tubs. We shared good information and stories.

Dori’s waterbirth
Because Addy was born 11 days before her due date, I was certain Dori would be early, too. Dori’s due date was February 22. As Valentine’s Day approached, I began to get impatient. After a few more days I think I had actually given up on her ever being born. Silly, I know. I knew that due dates are simply best guesses, and I knew the baby could be born into early March and still be well within safe and normal ranges. Still, I was anxious. I went from wanting to get the baby out of me so I would feel better to only wanting to hold the baby and meet him or her.

I never felt Braxton-Hicks contractions. I didn’t with Addy either, so I didn’t let it bother me too much. I did have the lingering thought that maybe I had them with Addy and didn’t know it, but I figured as an experienced mom I should know this time.

Just before Bob got home from work on Monday, February 20, I hopped on the Internet for information about postdates babies and how to tell if the placenta is still supporting them well. I knew it was too early to worry, but I gave myself something little to worry about throughout the pregnancy. (Doesn’t everybody?) This was the concern du jour. While there, I decided to read more about the lack of Braxton-Hicks contractions and if this meant anything. I knew the answer, but it felt better to read what other women experienced. If it had been a true concern, I would have called our midwife.

On Tuesday, February 21, I woke at about 6 a.m. for one of my frequent potty trips. This time was different though. I was pretty sure my water broke, but it wasn’t a huge gush so I didn’t wake up my husband, Bob. It was clear and odorless, not to mention right on time. When Bob woke up, I told him and he asked if he should go to work. By then I felt confident we would be having a baby instead.

It’s hard to remember the rest of the details as I’m finishing this story 15 months later. I remember that I labored all day, with the contractions getting closer together and more intense. In between I made the birth announcements, leaving the inside blank to fill in the details. I sat a lot on my big exercise ball. Gentle bouncing and rolling felt better.

My sister Anita was here to take care of Addy during the birth. We wanted Addy to be part of it, but we also wanted someone to focus on her since our attention would be divided. Anita ended up with one of her migraines, so we called another of my sisters, Carol, to come over. She lives just over an hour away so they were both there for Addy.

The birthing tub had been at our house for two weeks since Deb, our midwife, finished attending another birth. We set it up in our bedroom a week before Dori’s birth. That day I was anxious for them to get it filled up. She didn’t have a heater, so I knew that if filled it too early it might cool off. Once Deb and my husband filled it, I pretty much hopped into the water as soon as she suggested I could.

At one point I invited Addy to join me in the water. She played around in it for awhile, and then I had her get out.

As the labor progressed, there was pain. It turns out I had an anterior lip of cervix that wasn’t opening on its own. I remember shouting, “Owww!” My midwife said, “Ow?” I was thinking, “Yes, ow. Haven’t you ever attended a birth before?” She was the wise one and knew I shouldn’t be experiencing pain, so she asked lots of questions to determine the exact source and diagnosed the lip.

While I don’t have anything to compare it to because I only experienced the anterior lip this time, I think the water helped a lot. I was free to move around and the water let me move however I wanted. The only thing I couldn’t really do was put my head down and bottom up in the air to take the baby’s weight off and help the anterior lip resolve, so I got onto the bed for awhile for that. It wasn’t comfortable, so I got back in the tub and felt better.

Later Deb offered to check me, and at that time she was able to manually pull open the lip with her hand. Relief! It also broke another spot of my amniotic sac, so more fluid came out.

While laboring, I kept my focus on the clock that I could see in our adjacent bathroom. I focused on the round shape. I kept my lips in a circle, and tried to envision my cervix opening up into a big circle, just like the clock. I hadn’t planned to find a focal point, but it was right in my line of sight and worked well.

I was able to move around in the water into various positions. Sometimes I leaned back with my knees floating up into the air. Other times I knelt forward with my forehead on the edge of the tub. It was easy to change positions even though my pregnant body was huge and moving on land was cumbersome.

By 11:30 p.m. I was in intense labor. Bob and Deb joked that if I could wait half an hour, the baby would be born on my oldest brother’s birthday. I felt like punching them in the nose. At one point I actually did tell them to shut up. I’m glad that both know what a woman says in labor might not be something she would otherwise say.

Addy was downstairs with my sisters because I needed quiet to concentrate. When I was ready to push I asked Bob to bring her up. My sisters were also there to witness the birth.

I did end up birthing Dori on my brother Duane’s birthday, which also happened to be Dori’s due date. She was born at about 12:40 a.m. I remember pushing HARD in the water for a few minutes. I pushed so hard and felt the baby come down the birth canal, so I thought sure she was almost out, maybe only hanging by the feet. I yelled, “Can’t you just pull her out?!?” and Deb said, “You’ve got to do this, Sue.”

Bob said, “You ARE doing it,” which was just what I needed. I heard Addy’s little voice say, “Good job, Mama.” Deb checked and said the baby’s shoulders were rotating, so once I knew what was happening I had the strength to keep going. I pushed really, really hard, and kept pushing.

Finally Dori was out. She was born in water into her daddy’s loving arms, with her big sister watching every moment. I couldn’t ask for anything better. That two of her aunts and my midwife, now a friend, were there made it even more special.

Dori was a little blue at first, so Deb deftly milked the cord blood with its life-giving oxygen back into her and she pinked right up. It seemed like forever and I was asking, “She’s OK, right Deb?” with Deb not responding since all her attention was rightfully on Dori. My sister says it was only about 5 seconds before she was pink and healthy. Deb had oxygen on hand, as well as other emergency tools that she didn’t need to use.

I brought Dori to my breast, Bob undid my nursing bra, and she began to nurse like a champ. Addy came over and gave Dori her first kiss.

As she nursed I delivered the placenta, then Deb showed Bob where to cut the cord.

I entered a picture of us gathered around Dori, still in the tub, in a contest. It was selected as a winner by the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action. Their hope is to educate people that a million babies’ lives can be saved if every baby is breastfed within the first hour of life. I titled the photo “Dori’s First Minute: Breastfeeding at Waterbirth.” See it at: http://worldbreastfeedingweek.net/wbw2007/wbw_2007_photo_contest.htm

Later we all snuggled into bed as I nursed Dori to sleep for the first time.

My sisters stayed awhile to help with Addy and meals so I could concentrate on Dori, then my mom came and helped for a week. Everyone was surprised how chipper I was. I was able to get up and get dressed from the beginning. Sure I was tired, but I wasn’t wrung out like a dishrag. It was truly a gentle birth for everyone. So that’s what normal birth is like!

With Addy’s hospital birth, I had a small tear that required a stitch or two — and she was only 6 pounds. Dori was a 9-pound baby and I had only a superficial tear. The water must have made the difference.

If we are blessed with another baby, he or she will be born in water, in my home, where I am in control.

After the birth
One of my friends thought birthing at home might be messy. It wasn’t. Deb strategically placed pads throughout our bedroom and we had a shower curtain ready to use as a tarp on the carpet. The only mess was my own fault. I read that some people keep their baby’s placenta. I decided we would keep Dori’s and plant it in our front yard with a special tree over it once our Michigan winter was over. I planned ahead and set out a bucket with a lid so we could freeze the placenta until springtime. I managed to choose a bucket with a crack in the bottom, so our carpet still shows a couple blood stains. It was worth it. Dori’s redbud tree is flourishing in the yard. It is as tall as she is. The redbud is a perfect tree since she is a little red-haired girl.

The funniest thing about our home waterbirth was that we had to do something with the 100-plus gallons of water and associated blood and stuff once we were done. Deb said we could pump it into the toilet, but unbeknownst to me, my husband just sent it out the bathroom window. We live in town, our tub was in our second-story bedroom, and there was snow on the ground. I’m just glad no one walking by could have possibly guessed what was coming out of the hose.

My football-player nephew attends college just down the road, so he was the first to come visit the morning Dori was born. Our midwife seized the opportunity to have him carry the tub in its carrying case out to her car. Later he asked what had been in the big black case. He was grossed out to learn it was the birthing tub.

Co-bathing
Dori is now a toddler. As a baby she only used her little plastic baby bathtub three or four times. Each time she screamed. She has had a few showers with Bob or me, but mostly we bathe in the big tub. I remember being scared to bathe with Addy when she was an infant. How would I hold that slippery little body? The morning after Dori was born, my midwife had us bathe together with an herbal infusion in the water. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, co-bathing, what could be more natural?

We teach sign language to Dori, now 15 months old, so we can communicate before she can talk well. One of her first dozen or so signs was BATH. She loves our bathtime together. It’s cute to watch her rub her two little fists on her chest every morning, signing BATH, BATH, BATH. I think, “Baby, you were born in the bath!”

Dori is on the “I Was Born in Water!” list on the Waterbirth International web site at: http://www.waterbirth.org/mc/page.do?sitePageId=38562&orgId=wi

States I have visited.

2007-11-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

Countries I have visited.

2007-11-12T12:30:00.000-05:00

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

The site says I've visited 3% of them.

My husband has turned lactivist.

2007-11-12T01:18:00.000-05:00

So I was up on a ladder painting the bedroom when my husband and little girls came home from a dad-and-me breakfast put on by the local early childhood agency. The girls were happy to see me. I was happy to see them all. But Bob was the one grinning.

The girls went off to play and he began to unload the contents of his pockets. A toy baby bottle, stolen from the playgroup. By him. Thief.

Another one.

Another.

Lined up in a neat row on the bed.

Six toy baby bottles, removed from circulation, in hopes that one more little child will know breastfeeding to be the norm.

They went in the trash.

And he doesn't even lactate.

Favorite t-shirt sayings.

2007-11-10T21:13:00.000-05:00

If we wore t-shirts with words on them, here are some that fit our family. Most are from CafePress.

For Sue

I homeschool because I’ve seen the village and I don’t want it raising my children.

I homeschool because I don’t believe in the mass production of human beings.

I’m not talking to myself. I’m having a parent-teacher conference.

Epidurals are for sissies.

I make milk.
What’s your superpower?

Hospitals are for sick people.
Birth belongs at home.

Weapons of mass lactation.

All Night Milk Bar

For Addy

I am in school right now, and you’re talking during class.

Yes, I’m homeschooled.
I’ll try to use small words.

For Dori

Waterborn baby.

My midwife helped me out.

Born at home.

Happy homeborn baby.

I had a gentle birth.
I was born in water!

Splish, splash
I was born in the bath.

Catch the wave.
Water birth.

Jesus was breastfed.

Don’t be a weaner.

For Bob

Dads who change diapers rule.

My wife homeschools our kids.
And yes, this is my only clean shirt.

My wife gave birth at home. On purpose.
Now ask your silly questions.

Why wouldn’t I want to see more breasts in public?
(I support nursing moms.)

This mom’s vaccine decisions

2007-11-07T02:57:00.000-05:00

As soon as I heard Dr. Bob Sears would be releasing a book to help parents make vaccine decisions, I pre-ordered it and waited two months for it to be published and arrive on my doorstep.

The Vaccine Book: Making the Right Decision for Your Child (Sears Parenting Library)was well worth the wait. Finally, I was able to read detailed information about each vaccine choice available for my children. Dr. Sears thoroughly investigates all the options and lays them on the table for parents to decide. I worried that this approach might be a little wishy washy and leave me with more questions than answers, but he manages to get everything out there.

I’ve read plenty of pro-vax and no-vax literature. Most is either staunchly against any immunizations or suggests that parents should ask no questions and just do what the nice doctor says. There are even a few things written somewhere in between, in which the authors present their recommendations. It’s hard to find something that presents all the facts so parents can make educated decisions. This book did it for me.

The Vaccine Book is very readable. Dr. Sears writes in language a layperson like me can easily understand. His conversational style makes it feel like he’s sitting and talking to me. He’s even a little funny at times. I especially enjoy his use of Star Trek wisdom (p. 220).

He goes through each of the 12 standard vaccine choices and answers the same questions for each vaccine-preventable disease: Is it common? Is it serious? Is it treatable? When is the vaccine given? How is the vaccine made? What ingredients are in the final solution? (Including “Are any of these ingredients controversial?”) What are the side effects? Should you give your baby this vaccine? (Includes reasons to get it, reasons some people choose not to, travel considerations, and options to consider when getting it.) He ends each chapter with “The way I see it” summarizing key factors, yet he does not send a message that parents must do it one way or another. He covers special vaccines for travel and combination vaccines that reduce the number of shots given. There’s a chapter for parents who decide to delay or decline vaccinations and one called “What Should I Do Now?” He offers Dr. Bob’s Alternative Vaccine Schedule near the end of the book. It ends with 20 pages of additional resources in which he summarizes journal articles.

Reading The Vaccine Book left me confident I could make the right vaccination decisions for each of my children.

And a big plus for me: He recognizes breastfeeding as a way to reduce disease risk. On his list of eight ways to boost your child’s immune system, “breastfeed” is No. 1.

The web site http://www.thevaccinebook.com/ promises online updates to the book as vaccines and data change. There’s also a forum, blog and other resources.

After digesting the book page by page, here are my decisions and the reasons that are important to me.

Haemophilus Influenzae Type B (HIB)

It’s unlikely Dori would get this disease past age 3, so we will end the series. She got 3 of 4, which is considered as completing the series anyway — I suspect because she got them when older. Addy already had hers (and then some — the extra, accidental TriHIBit). I might consider this one for a new baby, beginning at 2 or 3 months.

Makes me more comfortable about the vaccine

Can’t get disease from vaccination.

Concerns me about the vaccine

Guillian-Barre Syndrome is a reported side effect, though the risk of a severe case seems lower than with other vaccinations. (My niece was diagnosed with G-B as a child, so this one is important to me.)

Pneumococcal

This disease is worse in infants and the elderly. It mostly affects children in the first two years. Since Dori is already past infancy and almost 2, we won’t finish this one. I might consider it for a new baby. Because Dori is breastfed and not in day care, so her risk of catching the disease is lower anyway. Addy is also past this. Both got the first 3 shots, but not the 4th, typically given at 15 months.

Makes me more comfortable about the vaccine

Can’t get disease from vaccination.

Concerns me about the vaccine

Contains aluminum.
10-15% of children get standard side effects.
Guillian-Barre Syndrome is a reported side effect.

Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis (DTaP)

Because Dori is past the first six months of life when pertussis (whooping cough) is serious, we won’t finish this series. She had the first 3 doses of 5. Diphtheria is virtually nonexistent in the U.S. and there is a very low risk of tetanus in children younger than age 5.

I might consider this one for a new baby because pertussis is common. I wish only the pertussis vaccination could be given without the D and T, but that is not possible.

Addy already had the 4-shot DTaP series (plus an extra TriHIBit combo due to nurse error!), but not the 5-year-old booster. She will get the DT booster soon (she is 5).

I asked Dr. Sears on his online forum if the accidental dose of TriHIBit she Addy was given at 7 months could have given her enough DTaP that she has D and T immunity. The nurse made a note in her record that it “doesn’t count,” but I don’t care about what satisfies the public health record. I want to know about her immunity. Dr. Sears responded the same day and said, “No, getting that extra shot at so young an age wouldn't give extra immunity years later.”

On page 227 of The Vaccine Book, Dr. Sears says a titer can be done for tetanus (viral). Titers can be done for diphtheria and pertussis (I’m not concerned about pertussis), but it’s unknown whether a positive result means adequate immunity from bacterial disease like these.

Like Addy, Dori will get the DT vaccine (big d, big t, no pertussis) at age 5, 6 or 7. Dr. Sears says, “It shouldn’t be used for older kids because they may react to the high D component.” They could get just the T or dT, but the aluminum is higher in those and they may as well get full protection from diphtheria then because of possible international travel. I’m not sure how many doses of DT would be required for Dori.

I’ll also consider diphtheria vaccination for any future children when older because they may travel to affected areas (Belarus had an outbreak while we were there) and because we may want to contribute to the herd effect.

Tetanus can be treated with a suspicious injury. I made a note in our emergency medical record that the girls have not had all the tetanus shots so they can be treated appropriately if either gets a deep, dirty wound.

Makes me more comfortable about the vaccine

Can’t get disease from vaccination.

Concerns me about the vaccine

Guillian-Barre Syndrome is a reported side effect and mainstream researchers show causal effect from the tetanus vaccination.
15% show standard side effects (among the higher of all the vaccinations).
DTaP contains more chemical components than other vaccines.

Hepatitis B

It’s transmitted by sexual activity and intravenous drug use, so no way do my young children need to be vaccinated! Unfortunately Addy already had the 3-shot series, all before 1 year of age. Dori had one totally unnecessary one. I’ll consider completing the series for Dori around age 12. I do realize the disease can possibly slip through in a blood transfusion. But until she is much older, Dori’s immunization card will continue to say “refuses.”

That this one is universally given to newborns really irks me. I realize that’s to protect babies born to Hep B positive mothers, but I do not carry the disease and it makes me angry that Addy was subjected to the poke when she was just hours old. Anything that can interfere with getting breastfeeding off to a good start and isn’t absolutely necessary is just a bad idea. (That’s my own frustration, not one stated by Dr. Sears!)

Rotavirus

This is most serious in the first year of life and less trouble after 2 years old. Dori is almost 2, there’s no reason to get it now. It’s new, so Addy did not get it, and it does not appear on Dori’s immunization record either. I might consider it for a new baby starting at 2 months because it is a common disease most babies catch even if it isn’t diagnosed, although not being in day care will lessen the risk (transmitted by stool and saliva). Breastfeeding also decreases the risk.

Concerns me about the vaccine

I might consider contributing to the herd effect, but the vaccination is intended to cause a mild infection.

Polio

Because the U.S. has been free of polio since 1985, the girls will not finish the vaccinations as young children. Both received the initial 3-shot series, but will not get the typical 5-year-old booster yet. They will get that at around age 10 or later to contribute to the herd effect and help to keep the U.S. polio-free. I also anticipate they may travel internationally, and polio is active in Asia and Africa.

Makes me more comfortable about the vaccine

Inactivated virus; can’t get disease from vaccination.
One of safest vaccines as far as side effects go.

Concerns me about the vaccine

Guillian-Barre Syndrome is a reported side effect, though more rare than with other vaccinations.

Measles, Mumps and Rubella (MMR)

Because the risk of a severe case of any of these diseases is nearly nil, Addy will not get the 5-year-old booster. She already had the first shot at 1 year. Dori has had none, so she will get a single dose for each disease if she is not already immune when older.

I will ask for titers around age 10 to check their immunity. If they’re not already immune, I’ll consider the vaccinations then. I may possibly get them separately (those who link MMR with autism recommend getting each a year apart; though not a big concern for me especially at an older age, it would not hurt). I’ll make sure their health is at its peak at the time and give vitamins A and C before and after the vaccinations. Rubella immunity is important since they are female (see more about rubella in pregnancy below). Measles and mumps are more serious in the teens and adulthood.

Measles is usually not serious and getting it now is rare.

Mumps is also usually not serious, though I might reconsider this for a baby boy where swollen testicles from the disease can lead to infertility. The mumps immunity wears off by adulthood anyway.

Rubella is a mild disease. I understand the need to protect pregnant women from getting it so their babies do not develop birth defects.

Makes me more comfortable about the vaccine

Only one shot is needed if you wait until age 4 or later.

Concerns me about the vaccine

Complications from the diseases are similar to the vaccine side effects.
For children who do get serious measles, the risk of fatality is high at 1:1,000.
While I don’t intend to jump to conclusions about vaccines and autism, that vaccine strains of the measles virus show up in the intestines and brains of children with autism is concerning. It’s not my reason for avoiding this vaccine, but it’s worth noting to me.
Vaccine uses live viruses.
Side effects are common — 1:20.
Guillian-Barre is one.
Even the package insert says encephalitis may be caused by the measles vaccine.

Chickenpox (Varicella)

Chickenpox is usually not a serious disease. Addy received the first vaccination at 1 year; Dori did not and will not. Addy will not receive the typical 5-year-old booster.

We hope the girls do get the chickenpox when they are young and otherwise healthy (though it would be good for Dori to be a little older so she can communicate discomfort to us). This would ensure better lifelong immunity than the vaccination. We know it can be dangerous for a baby inside the womb in the first half of pregnancy or with in several days of delivery when the mother has chickenpox.

We will ask for a titer when the girls are around 10 or 11 years old. If the blood test does not show immunity, we will vaccinate then. We’ll make sure their health is at its peak at the time and give vitamins A and C before and after.

I wonder just how much immunity Addy has with the one shot she received. I wonder if she had major exposure (such as at a chickenpox party) how likely she would be to catch it.

Makes me more comfortable about the vaccine

Cases are down 75% since the vaccine was released.

Concerns me about the vaccine

Whole, live virus can cause the disease.
Most of the side effects of the vaccination are the same as the side effects of the disease.
4% get a rash about 2 weeks after the vaccine. Addy was one of them, with a rash 3 weeks after.
For those who receive it, it probably only lasts into the teens.
Guillian-Barre Syndrome is a reported side effect.
Vaccinated children can still catch chickenpox, though it would likely be a milder case.

Hepatitis A

Because hepatitis A is harmless in kids and Michigan is not a high-rate state for the disease, Dori will not get this vaccine. It was only added to the American Academy of Pediatrics schedule in 2006.

Hepatitis A is common in underdeveloped countries. Addy and I received the two-shot series in 2004 before traveling to Belarus. Bob got the first shot. We’d reconsider the possibility of a severe case before traveling to an at-risk country with Dori.

The shots are given to promote the herd effect to protect adults around the vaccinated children. The disease can cause damage in a person where there is already underlying kidney disease. We may be willing to contribute to the herd effect to protect these people, but we will wait until Dori is around age 10 and first check for immunity with a titer.

Makes me more comfortable about the vaccine

Inactivated virus; can’t get disease from vaccination.

Concerns me about the vaccine

Seizures are a side effect, but are less common after age 2. No way would we consider this before that age unless necessary for travel.
Guillian-Barre Syndrome is a reported side effect.
Contains aluminum.

Influenza

My children will not get this vaccine.

More than 90% of flu deaths are in people age 65 and older. The vaccine is given to prevent its spread to the elderly and chronically ill. Children who are breastfed and at home are at lower risk.

If our life situation were to change and we spent more time in very close, regular contact with elderly people, I might consider the vaccine to protect them. I would not give it to a baby and only to a healthy child.

Makes me more comfortable about the vaccine

Flu is common.

Concerns me about the vaccine

There is a high rate of side effects.
It’s available in a nasal spray or shot. The nasal spray is a live virus, which can cause the disease. It’s 50% more effective than the shot though.
Guillian-Barre Syndrome is a reported side effect.
Some brands and multi-dose bottles contain mercury. If we ever got it we would ask for a mercury-free brand and single-use vial by name.

Meningococcal

I might consider this when the girls are in their teens, specifically before going off to a college dorm. At this point I would not give it at age 12 as on the AAP schedule. In fact at this point it is so new I’m not sure what I would do if I had a teen now. I’m glad it will have been around awhile by the time my girls are older.

And, Guillian-Barre Syndrome is a reported side effect.

Human Papillomavirus (HPV)

A woman who abstains from sex before marriage and marries a man who does the same does not need this vaccine. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be so naïve. But, my 12-year-olds will not be getting this then. I will realistically consider their situations at that age and make decisions then. I realize there’s a risk of birth defects if the girl gets pregnant in the first month after getting the shot, so if given it should be before that is a possibility. Because it’s so new there isn’t a lot of safety data yet, I’m glad I have years before needing to decide about this one.

Other notes

In short, Dori is done getting shots until age 5 and, once Addy gets the tetanus booster, she will be done until age 10.
If or when the girls do get vaccinated, I will firmly rub the spot first to reduce pain.
I will continue to breastfeed whichever of my children are current nurslings during shots to increase their comfort.
If my children ever do get a “vaccine-preventable disease” or if I even suspect it, I promise to get treatment and quarantine them appropriately at home to avoid spreading it. As Dr. Sears says, “… don’t give her a fever reducer and send her off to school.”

Vacation Education: Epcot

2007-11-07T00:56:00.001-05:00

My friend Corinne published a book and I helped her with the design. My daughter Addy is also on the cover — the little girl in the top right wearing a light blue shirt.

Check out my friend's web site at http://www.vacationeducationbooks.com.

Her book is also available on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Vacation-Education-destination-Corinne-Johnson/dp/0979816807/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-1848309-8872660?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1194415423&sr=8-1.

2007-10-25T01:58:00.000-04:00

This is from the e-newsletter of Living Books Curriculum, a homeschool company that offers products based on the methods British educator Charlotte Mason used to help children learn in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

Charlotte Mason said that a method implies a mental image of the object. In other words, what you picture and think on tends to come to pass. Do this: picture in vivid detail what your child is like grown. What are the qualities, the character traits, the activities you would like to see your child doing? Write all this down in full. Yes, it will take effort, but you will only need to do this once. When I did it, it produced a radical readjustment of my thinking. Good thing, as I was locked into traditional educational methods and could only imagine my daughter "doing well" in college. When I got the full Technicolor picture of character, life skills, enjoyments, spiritual growth, and "doing well" in college; then, Charlotte Mason and her method began to makes sense as the only way to achieve such a wonderful goal.

I don't know that I agree that the Charlotte Mason method is the only way to get there — friends who home educate their children in other ways seem to be doing well — but I really appreciate the idea of thinking of Addy's and Dori's futures in full detail, well beyond just doing well in college. For me, homeschooling is definitely harder than sending them away to school, but this thought makes it all worthwhile.

The lesson.

2007-10-16T22:18:00.000-04:00

Addy didn't want to stay in her bed tonight. After coming downstairs twice, she crawled up on my lap and told me, "You might laugh about this, but I don’t want you to: This might teach you a lesson."

"A lesson about what?" I asked as I buried my face in her hair to hide my laughter.

"A lesson that you should let me sleep with you more often."

She went to bed. In her bed.

She mitered the corners.

2007-10-06T13:43:00.001-04:00

Addy wrapped a present last night for her friend, Gabrielle's, 4th birthday party. She asked me to cut off the appropriate amount of wrapping paper, then she took it from there — all by herself — while I left the room to do something else. She even mitered the corners.

Sometimes people say, "Wow! How did Addy learn to _________ (insert any skill that it doesn't seem like a 5-year-old would know how to do yet)?"

The answer is usually simple: I let her try.

Addy was 2 when she started to tear off unnecessarily long strips of tape to stick onto Christmas gifts. Most of them ended up being decorative rather than serving any adhesive function. No problem.

By the time she was 3, she was wrapping gifts all by herself. They looked as if they were wrapped by a 3-year-old, but that was OK.

Now today, she wrapped a gift that looked as pretty as if her father had wrapped it all by himself. (It's not perfect, but it was her process.) And she even mitered the corners.

The baby gets to stir.

2007-10-03T21:45:00.001-04:00

It occured to me recently that Dori is becoming her own little person. No longer a tag-a-long, she has her own interests (shoes, balls and sweets) and desires (wearing shoes, playing with balls and eating sweets). So I let her stir the barbecue sauce.

Up until now, Addy has had all the chances to do everything, and Dori was a (noisy) accessory, often riding on my back or in a sling. On this day two weeks ago I let Dori stir the pot while Addy watched. It was quite a change for Dori, and she clearly loved it. She was pretty proud of herself and now likes to be a helper with everything.

From my local public school district web site:

2007-10-03T15:19:00.000-04:00

Studies have shown that students learn faster and become more self-reliant when they are taught one-to-one.

Dori went poopy in the potty!

2007-10-01T00:47:00.001-04:00

Dori pooped in her little potty tonight. I thought I better write it down somewhere before she is 18 years old and realizes we forgot to write down any details of her life past 12 months.

At only 5 years old, firstborn Addy already has four big scrapbooks chronicling her life. There's probably less biographical detail in some presidential libraries. I wrote down the exact date each of her teeth emerged. We have photo spreads not only of the big events, but even of everyday visits to the park. And her own blog.

My sister took pictures of Dori in front of Air Force One as it landed carrying the late President Gerald R. Ford, but even those haven't made it into a scrapbook. Oh, I have a big stack of good intentions and even materials to make Dori's first-year scrapbook. It's still empty.

I suppose it's nothing new. My mother wrote nice notes in my oldest brother Duane's baby book. Dale, child No. 4, has some of his filled in. Mine (I'm child 8 of 8) has only a few entries, and those were written in by to of my sisters, one of whom was only 7 years old. I guess the idea of recording a baby's every move gets less and less important with subsequent children.

Though I'll probably forget the date, Dori's first poop in her potty is a milestone. One of these days I'll have to accept the fact that she's not a baby anymore, but rather a toddler. By the time I get used to that she'll be a preschooler.

She's only 19 months old and in the wisdom gained in my 5 whole years of mothering, I have come to realize there's no need to rush the whole potty thing. She seemed a little interested in the big potty, so I put a little one out several weeks ago. Addy has been anxious to help her baby sister learn how to poop in the potty, so the mother lode Dori finally deposited tonight was pretty exciting to her. Addy has been coaching Dori whenever she chooses to sit on the potty. She squats down and says, "Like this, Dori!" as she grunts and strains and pretents to make a bowel movement. Her face even gets red.

And once again, it turns into a story about Addy.

I'm sorry, Dori. I really am.

School is going well.

2007-09-16T01:06:00.000-04:00

We have finished our second week of homeschool kindergarten and I actually feel like I am on top of things and know what I'm doing. I don't know why, but I was terrified before the first week. The whole reason we did the home preschool thing was to see how it would work, but for some reason this seemed more real and made me pretty anxious. I suppose part of it was that I feared Dori would be tearing the place apart while we tried to do school. So far so good. She does tear things up, but we've been able to at least direct it a bit — her applying stickers to her arms and markers to her legs has kept her fairly busy. Oh, and Cheerios. Yes, I'm bribing her with food.

Addy is an amazing learner. Seriously, my mind wanders so much that when we get to the end of a page that I have read aloud to her, I sometimes realize that I forgot to pay attention. So I ask Addy what happened and she always knows.

I'm not one for schedules, so I forced myself into a routine the first week and it paid off. We typically eat breakfast, do school, then are done by lunchtime. That leaves the afternoons for things like playing, dancing, doing crafts and reading for fun.

Then when Bob gets home, we can eat dinner, hang out and do chores. Oh, we've had lots of church and library meeting lately. So when am I supposed to clean the house? I suppose that's why I'm up at all hours of the night.

It's a crazy life, but it's just the one I asked for.